operamom Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 Hi, I am new to this board and just want some input -- my H and I have been married for 8 years and within the past few years I learned about his interest in female bodybuilding. NOW, he wants me to get buff and I reent it. I DO want to get in shape (I have lost about 40 lbs and have another 40 or so to go), but I don't have any desire to be overly muscular. O have found printed pics from the internet of women (bodybuilders posing/half nude, etc) while cleaning the house (NOT snooping) and he puts pics of these women on his cell phone screen savers and on the computer. Frankly, it disgusts me and when I bring it up, he says he needs to find inspiration to keep going from somewhere... I still think it is wrong and he may as well be searching porn. He watches videos of these people posing in their little bikini's (and less) and I am sick of it. I truly do not know what to do. I have contemplated leaving because I feel I will never be "good enough". I used to be a happy, go lucky, fun person and now I feel like I am floundering and worthless. Also, I have a 5 year old daughter who I want to grow up with a positive impression of what it is to be a woman, but I feel that daddy having semi-nude pics on his phone sends a BAD image of what a marriage should be. Please, any advice, thoughts are welcome as I truly feel lost. I feel I can't get my message across to him, because he says I always get defensive and pick arguements while he is trying to help me... I just don't know what to do.
PWSX3 Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 Instead of telling him you don't like them have you sat down with him & shared how it makes "you" feel? I really don't think he understands that it's not the pictures that are bad but how it makes you feel..... I would also share with him that you are losing weight & it makes you feel good & that you would like him to help support what you want & not what he would like you to be. That just getting back into shape is your goal at this time....You can never say never, who knows once you lose more weight what you might do or want. I know this is something I have learned after my former wife left. I'll use Hooter's as an example. A guy can say; oh I'm just going there for the food, which could be true because believe it or not they have good food. A guy can say; oh I'm just going because the boys are going. But it all comes down to how do you respect your wife/GF? If you really loved her & respected how she felt a guy would not go there. He could find food at other places & hang with his buddies someplace else as well. This is my feelings and I know each person has there own ideas & thoughts... I guess what I'm saying is; try to share with him how it makes you feel, how those pictures hurt you....Now that might not work as in my case I didn't see it until after I started looking at "me" & how I didn't take my spouses feelings into consideration but my G/F will benefit because of it.
Author operamom Posted May 3, 2009 Author Posted May 3, 2009 no - my husband is not a bodybuilder. He would like to be in better shape, but has no time between work and other obligations. As for telling him how I feel about it, we have had discussions about how it makes me feel inadequate when I see these pictures of other women on his phone (he doesn't hide them - it is his screen image) or on the computer. He doesn't think I have made the best use of my time losing weight (thinks I should be doing better/faster with all the time I should be devoting to it - he convinced me to quit my job last August to work on my health and appearance and take care of our daughter). I am now more stressed out because our mortgage is high and we are barely making it financially and all he cares about is that I haven't lost all of the weight I should have lost and I must be wasting my time... I just don't know what to do. I think subliminally I am not losing weight because I don't want to become what he wants me to become. I want to look slim and fit -- not bulky and muscular, but he think he deserves to tell me how to look becasue he is giving me the time to work on this, he moved to where I am originally from because I missed my family.... I think he is slowly pusing me to the brink of depression and lowering my self worth. Please help...
PWSX3 Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 He is selfish & isn't taking your feelings into consideration & you are right; you will not lose the weight because you don't want to be what he wants you to be. Maybe you should look for a part time job so you can spend time with your child & still help on the bills & still get in a little workout.....
sabrina11 Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 Reading your post made me really angry. Your husband sounds like a selfish, mean-spirited person. My advice would be to get a recommendation from someone you trust for a good woman counselor and get some support. Hopefully this person can help you figure out what you need to do to get yourself to a better place. This may be marriage counseling or how to better explain to your husband exactly what he is doing to you, or other options. Good luck...
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