pandagirl Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 I just got back from a friend's party. At the party was one of her guy friends that I've always thought was cute, but the last time I saw him was probably close to two years ago as we don't run in the same social circles. Before I left, I managed to chat with him and I felt some chemistry, but have no idea if it was reciprocal or not. It's rare I feel any interest at ALL in guys, and since I've always had a little crush on him, I really want to see him again. My friend said just to ask him out, but since I don't have his contact info, I have no idea how I'd do that. Plus, I just have no confidence. I feel like no guy would want to go out with me or think I am pretty enough to date, even though I have the empirical evidence otherwise. This is why I'm in therapy though, and also why I know I have to be proactive about doing something about my feelings. Just can't stay a wallflower for the rest of my life. So, what do I do? He's so cute and nice and smart! And he gave me a piggy back down two flights of stairs. haha.
Star Gazer Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 You felt chemistry, but have "no idea" whether it was reciprocal. How do you think any stranger here on LS would know? He knows how to find you if he wants to. I really wouldn't chase if I were you.
tinklebell Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 Neither would I. I learned it the hard way. Of course you could always ask your friend for the guy's cellphone number but so can he. And if he's really blown away, you won't be able to hide even if you wanted to.
colosseum Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 But to play devil's advocate, you'll never find out if you don't try. So why not? I'd say 85% of opportunities are lost because someone doesn't initiate, guy or girl. He might be kicking himself for not getting your # then too. I agree that you should go in with maybe low expectations, but just see what happens. At least you won't be wondering anymore, right?
tinklebell Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 But to play devil's advocate, you'll never find out if you don't try. So why not? I'd say 85% of opportunities are lost because someone doesn't initiate, guy or girl. He might be kicking himself for not getting your # then too. I agree that you should go in with maybe low expectations, but just see what happens. At least you won't be wondering anymore, right? Colosseum, after asking the guy out, at which point would you say that guy is not interested? It would be good if he gives a clearcut answer but what if he just says "sure, let's do it (the activity that you suggest)?" and then expect you to take the lead?
Author pandagirl Posted May 3, 2009 Author Posted May 3, 2009 I'm not going to be devastated if nothing comes of this. Also, if I knew I'd bump into him eventually, I would probably just try to feel things out more organically, but seeing I haven't seen him in two years, I need to strike while the iron is hot. I think I'll just ask my friend if he is single or not first, and go from there.
refurb Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 You don't have to chase. Have your friend help you out. Have her contact the guy and ask if its OK if she gives you his contact info. You'll find out right away if he's interested. Or have her set something up where the three of you (or more) go out for dinner or drinks or something. Then, when you get a chance, ask him if he'd like to <insert fun activity> sometime. Most guys, if they are interested, will take the reins at that point. All you have to do to keep the fire going is let him know you're having fun. RF
Lucky_One Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 Definitely ask if he is single before you proceed!!! LOL!! Just letting your friend know that you are interested in him is sometimes enough for her to hint around to him that he should give you a call. FB (which I typically despise) is a useful thing in this sort of situation, too. You can always ask your friend for his BF info, and then friend him. And then leave it alone. Guys tend to like the chase. If you make your interest known, then he knows how to find you if he wants you.
colosseum Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 Colosseum, after asking the guy out, at which point would you say that guy is not interested? It would be good if he gives a clearcut answer but what if he just says "sure, let's do it (the activity that you suggest)?" and then expect you to take the lead? I'm not commenting on what happens after someone asks someone else out. I'm only commenting on asking that person out in the first place--opening that door in the first place. But to comment on your question, I'd say if the guy says "sure, let's do it" then already he's not very invested and I'd say that's a pretty dick-like thing to say. If he expects you to take the lead then it depends. I think many of us (myself included) might say the guy needs to find his manhood and take the reins, but that might be playing into chauvinistic stereotypes. Not to get too academic, but in any case, all I'm saying is that once you give yourself a chance to open that door of opportunity, interest levels will become clear. But until you give yourself a chance to open that door, you'll never know what's behind it.
tinklebell Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Not to get too academic, but in any case, all I'm saying is that once you give yourself a chance to open that door of opportunity, interest levels will become clear. But until you give yourself a chance to open that door, you'll never know what's behind it. So the door's open, the person has to decide whether he wants to come in. If he doesn't, then it usually means he doesn't want to.
carhill Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 So, what do I do? He's so cute and nice and smart! And he gave me a piggy back down two flights of stairs. haha. Jeez Louise! "God if this is what it feels like to be unattached I want to stay that way forever!" wink Three things: 1. Pleasure 2. Unattached 3. Challenge I mean, come on, you climbed on this guy's back. I'm a prude and even I can figure out what's going on here. First, no married woman nor committed woman would be having me give her piggyback rides. Second, add in the bit of flirtation (you think up something better) and, even if I wasn't bowled over, I would've flirted back and said something like "hey, I'll ring you and we can do this again sometime". Rome wasn't built in a day Keep up the therapy. Those signals will get out. Trust me, when they do, and it's right, you better be prepared for the onslaught ....
colosseum Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 So the door's open, the person has to decide whether he wants to come in. If he doesn't, then it usually means he doesn't want to. Yeah. But you have to open the door to see the person on the other side first; that's all I'm saying. On a side note to quote Carhill: "Rome wasn't built in a Day" is a great song.
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