Lostgurl Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 Ok. Rough relationship for almost 5 years. lets just say that. and that only. (present) bf got his jaw broken 3 weeks ago. He has a HORRIBLE temper and this time it got the best of him. Anyhow, he's been super miserable, which of course is to be expected. But he's been taking it out on me for the past week and a half. I've bit my tongue. I've been fighting depression for 1.5 years now and this really hasn't been helping. But i've been biting my tongue regardless. I've tried to help him, but the more that i did, the more agitated he got, so i backed off. (he gave me **** last night for not waiting on him, i just cant win!) Until today, I unleashed. Let out all the blacness building ever since he started treating me like garbage for something that wasn't my fault. IT WAS SO STOOPID! and it went something like this... I went out with friends last night. For the first time i over 2 years (when i was in the pit of depression and would get an invite out, he'd push me to go but i couldn't bring myself to do it. I got almost phobic of social situations) I felt good enough about me to go out. Had a blast with all my old friends that i haven't talk to in years . We got into a tiff about purchasing a new car an hour before i was due to be picked up by the DD. It was like he just wanted to find something to get mad at me about. He said he wanted a cadillac, and i said no. so he was mad. (I wanted an SUV he said NO WAY before that) Anyhow today, i made hime soup and smoothies so he didn't have to. He wasn't appreaciative. He asked me who was all at the party and i told him, then i went on about a few new things my friend got. His response was "I don't GIVE a **** about what they got blah balh' I told him he was mean and that i swore that he hated me the way he talked to me. He balked at him calling me mean, told me to "stop with that ****" about him hating me... then i said yeah you are mean. I love you and i don't care about hockey but i listen and talk to you about because i care about how you feel and know that you like it." THen he swore under his breath "your ****in' unbelievable". It progressed from there, and now he's left. In between all this my daughter found some body glitter that didn't belong to either of them and asked if she could have it. I was angry and (i'm horrible i know but i wanted to get a rise out of him) "After i accused him, he jumped in the shower right away like he had something to hide. There was another incident with a girls shirt as well that i didn't even mention. He doesn't allow sleep overs, and like i've said none of my friends have been over in years. Ever since we've been serious. I don't understand how things like that keep finding their way into our home. So in my heat of anger i accused him. That sent him into a huge fit of rage and he left and is going to move out. Any thoughts? I'm i wrong? was i wrong? Am i better off with out him? I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders already. But that's only because i can do what i want and i don't have to worry about my girls getting in trouble over any small thing.
Author Lostgurl Posted May 3, 2009 Author Posted May 3, 2009 I just wish i had someone to talk to. This beer is starting to get to me now. I hate being in love with him. With someone that makes me feel so ****ty. How can i love someone that makes me feel like garbage. What the **** is WRONG WITH ME?
Tizzy Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 Yes, you are better off without him, and vice versa. Sounds like a very toxic relationship. Leave him, work on getting yourself better, and don't look back.
Author Lostgurl Posted May 3, 2009 Author Posted May 3, 2009 No, you are right. It has been toxic from the beginning. I just am so lost in it all. I just don't want to sink into depression again. I just got a grip on it, no thanks to him. I did it all by my self. He only added to it with his lack of understanding and self centered disposition. I don't know. I don't know why I crave love from stones... I did it with my ex evil MIL as well. I forgave her for unforgivable things. I still dont' know why. ****.
alphamale Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 Any thoughts? yes, i honestly think you have much more serious issues than he does
TaraMaiden Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 yes, i honestly think you have much more serious issues than he does This is a very unkind thing to say, and hurtful. I don't think there is any need to be spiteful, and I wonder what end you were attempting to achieve by saying such a thing? best to elaborate rather than just to make a snipe of this kind.... Lostgurl is aware she has issues, but her hurtful sadistic and bullying boyfriend is compounding the issue with his machismo and ego. Really Lostgurl, the problem with your depression is that you start believing the lies your mind tells you. Every time you have a negative thought, examine it and seek its origin. Why do you think this? When did you start thinking this? What triggered your thought process? is it legitimate? is it correct? is it accurate? Work on you, look after your daughter, and let the grown man with anger issues deal with his own poison. Talk to a professional, get support.... and heal yourself. _/l\_
alphamale Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 This is a very unkind thing to say, and hurtful. I don't think there is any need to be spiteful, and I wonder what end you were attempting to achieve by saying such a thing? best to elaborate rather than just to make a snipe of this kind.... what is there to elaborate on?? if someone treats you bad you just split...end of story. AND, if you don't split then what happens later is your own fault. period.
TaraMaiden Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 There you see. You just elaborated. how was that difficult? _/l\_
vessv6l Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 Lostgurl forget this person and the relationship. If you are that unhappy in it you will be infinitely better off without it. You dont want to be in an unhappy abusive relationship that your daughter would bear witness too either. Move on for both your sakes
Author Lostgurl Posted May 3, 2009 Author Posted May 3, 2009 This is a very unkind thing to say, and hurtful. I don't think there is any need to be spiteful, and I wonder what end you were attempting to achieve by saying such a thing? best to elaborate rather than just to make a snipe of this kind.... Lostgurl is aware she has issues, but her hurtful sadistic and bullying boyfriend is compounding the issue with his machismo and ego. Really Lostgurl, the problem with your depression is that you start believing the lies your mind tells you. Every time you have a negative thought, examine it and seek its origin. Why do you think this? When did you start thinking this? What triggered your thought process? is it legitimate? is it correct? is it accurate? Work on you, look after your daughter, and let the grown man with anger issues deal with his own poison. Talk to a professional, get support.... and heal yourself. _/l\_ Thanks Tara. You are right. I just read through one of my old posts. As horrible as it was, it really took away my sadness ( the sadness of us breaking up anyhow) and i feel a little better now. My ol' pal was right about keeping it here so i can look back on it. I really miss him. What i'm NOT going to miss, is walking on eggshells about being late, keeping him waiting for 5 mintes.. his too strict rules with my girls, his complete and utter bitterness at everything, his racisim. Discrimination to overweight people. < that alone made me feel horrible. I've gained weight since being on antidepressants and he can't tolerate someone with 10 extra pounds. He'd only tell me what a fatty i was in our past arguments. Then when we were all good he'd tell me he didn't care about it, that he loved me anyway. what. ever. I look at the things he says to me and i see hatred. Then i wonder how he could love someone that intentionally broke up a 18 year old friendship and still want to "friends" with her afterward. I think of that and think that i must be some kinda evil, if he hates me and loves that horrible manipulative ugly bitch.I must be so much worse than her. If i'm that, then i guess i don't want to be seen in the light of day. Great now i feel like **** again. lol. Here is some forced positiveness, now i get to listen to what i want, watch what i want. Do what ever the **** i want with out him giving me **** or bringing me down about how lame what ever it is i am doing, listening to, or watching! I can even cook what ever i want. He was SOOOO picky. My family can't believe the things i've mentioned to them in passing about suppers etc. Those things will be nice. But somehow it doesn't compare to seeing the light in my babies eyes when she's dancing with daddy. Why do i need someone like this? It's not a rhetorical question. I truly wonder why (other than him being a good dad to our baby) it is, that i long for him to love me, and accept me for me?
Land Shark Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 My interpretation as I was reading it all is that the whole thing seemed immature. He has a bad temper and gets his jaw broken (probably by some guy who doesn't have a temper problem). Immature. He takes his anger over the whole thing out on you. Immature. You snipe back and you both end up arguing over petty things. Immature. Now he wants to move out. I understand having a temper. I understand wanting to vent it on the world. But isn't there a point you reach when there are better, and much more important things to do in life? Bickering is something everyone is capable of. But mature people don't do it. I'm not trying to criticize you or him, because I understand. But I am saying that you and he both seem to allow a lot of dumb little things disrupt your lives. At least that's what I got out of it. While you have your own issues to work on, I also think you'd be better off with a man not a high school kid.
Author Lostgurl Posted May 3, 2009 Author Posted May 3, 2009 My interpretation as I was reading it all is that the whole thing seemed immature. He has a bad temper and gets his jaw broken (probably by some guy who doesn't have a temper problem). Immature. He takes his anger over the whole thing out on you. Immature. You snipe back and you both end up arguing over petty things. Immature. Now he wants to move out. I understand having a temper. I understand wanting to vent it on the world. But isn't there a point you reach when there are better, and much more important things to do in life? Bickering is something everyone is capable of. But mature people don't do it. I'm not trying to criticize you or him, because I understand. But I am saying that you and he both seem to allow a lot of dumb little things disrupt your lives. At least that's what I got out of it. While you have your own issues to work on, I also think you'd be better off with a man not a high school kid. Yes I agree. I pray that it ends here. I don't know why i'm so weak when it comes to him. I DON'T WANT TO BE ANYMORE. I need a place to draw strength. Because he's not ever going be to final in this thing. He'll always come back. My family hates him. Very much. They listen to me, and say he's never going to leave you. You have to leave him. I need to. To know how. The funny thing about the high school kid comment is, is that he's 38, i'm 28. Neither of us are close to being in high school.
TaraMaiden Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 I think Land Shark was referring to his mental attitude.... he is acting like a stroppy teenager, or like a little boy stomping his foot and wanting his own way, sulking, crossing his arms in a huff and frowning. Children who do that make me want to burst out laughing, which is obviously not constructive or helpful to them, and is more liable to make them feel worse. One of the managers at work is behaving in a similar manner. he is too funny and we all find his behaviour amusing. But one of my colleagues who knows him socially tells me he is very docile at home and his wife is stronger. your boyfriend is a bully, and he gets angry with you because you do not do as he says. You know why? I think that it is because you are stronger than he is. And I think he knows this. You merely need to see this truth for yourself. _/l\_
Author Lostgurl Posted May 3, 2009 Author Posted May 3, 2009 You know why? I think that it is because you are stronger than he is. And I think he knows this. You merely need to see this truth for yourself. _/l\_ lol. He always tells me how strong i am. But he is strong him self. I don't feel strong. But when i'm feeling sensitive, and when someone calls me a dummy, or disrespects me then I feel the need to say something. Other than that i just laugh it off. I don't think that is strong. There are so many definitions of strong. Sometimes when he calls me strong i think he refers to me as a bitch. I guess that is just my perception of how he thinks of me rubbing off. Don't know. I don't think i'm a bitch. I know i can be if i want to. But 99.9% of the time i don't. Only if i need to stick up for myself.. I guess i'm a bitch what ever.
TaraMaiden Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 lol. He always tells me how strong i am. But he is strong him self. Not so. Bullying and anger are a weak man's show of strength. This is why he has a broken jaw. because you might think he is strong, but it is bravado and machismo. he is violent in words and deeds. that is not strength. That is idiocy. I don't feel strong. But when i'm feeling sensitive, and when someone calls me a dummy, or disrespects me then I feel the need to say something. Other than that i just laugh it off. I don't think that is strong. You are incorrect. this is actually very strong. You maintain composure, and speak when necessary, and dismiss when necessary. You evaluate logically. that is very strong. There are so many definitions of strong. Sometimes when he calls me strong i think he refers to me as a bitch. I guess that is just my perception of how he thinks of me rubbing off You see what I mean about your thoughts lying to you, and being your enemies right now? Don't know. I don't think i'm a bitch. I know i can be if i want to. But 99.9% of the time i don't. Only if i need to stick up for myself.. I guess i'm a bitch what ever. No, you are not a bitch. if you were, you would have broken his jaw, not someone else! Your attitude does not make you a bitch. it makes you strong. And that is why he calls you a bitch. because you are stronger than his dog. His bark is worse than his bite. And his anger is toothless.
Author Lostgurl Posted May 3, 2009 Author Posted May 3, 2009 Thanks, I need to hear all of this, I see the truth in it. The ****ty thing is, that when I see him, it all goes out the window. I feel like i don't deserve anything better. Hell, alot of the time it starts even before i see him, then i feel the need to go and apologize when HE should be the one to apologize. 99% of the time i end up doing this, one time i waited and waited for him to come to me. It took a WEEK. It was hell. When he finally did, he burnt me a CD saying how he feels he just couldn't come to me. I hate this, and i can't talk to my family about it either. I did in the past, and they all feel so strongly that they've either said something to his face, and my brother has jumped him on two different occasions. WHIch i continuously get reminded of. I tried to stop him once, and the other time i was pregnant and had to pull him off of him. I'm not allowed to talk to my family about our fights anymore. I agree though. No good comes of it. They hate him now. Which sucks. If i would have kept my mouth shut, then they wouldn't. he'd be invited to family gatherings and there would be no tension, maybe things would be better between us.
TaraMaiden Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 Thanks, I need to hear all of this, I see the truth in it. The ****ty thing is, that when I see him, it all goes out the window. I feel like i don't deserve anything better. Hell, alot of the time it starts even before i see him, then i feel the need to go and apologize when HE should be the one to apologize. 99% of the time i end up doing this, one time i waited and waited for him to come to me. It took a WEEK. It was hell. When he finally did, he burnt me a CD saying how he feels he just couldn't come to me. His strength compared to yours is somewhat lacking, I think. The fact that it all goes down the window is due to habitual conditioning. as I have pointed out, you believe what your mind is telling you, and what it is teling you is not true. But you are convinced. This is why in buddhism, we hone the ability to Watch the Mind. Listen, i will try to make it simple and fun! Think of yourself as a factory Inspector, with a white coat, two or three pens in your top pocket, and clipboard. This is what is done: we quite literally check everything (every thought or impression, perception or assumption) that comes in, before signing the release form, and permitting it to flourish in a mental state, and then possibly evolve into a verbal/active state. We have a checklist. Is this thought healthy? is this thought accurate? is this thought honest? is this thought appropriate? is this thought productive? The summary is: Is this thought SKILFUL? if the answer is no to any of the above, and therefore the summary is negative, we place it into the disposal chute and eliminate it. occasionally it attempts to come back in, disguised. in re-cycled form. But this is unacceptable. Unless it has changed its ways completely and shed the habit, it cannot pass. It is stamped "Reject" and thrown out without ceremony! Gradually, the process becomes faster. we are more able to assess things as they appear in our head, without having to tick all the boxes. we are able to see at a glance if something may pass or not. It takes practice, and it takes determination, and it takes perseverance. Above all,m you must not take your eye off the ball. because whilst you are evaluating one thought, its partner may come in and say "oh yes, pass this one, it's true you know, can you not see this? It is a very honest thought!" But the partner is also lying.... One thought at a time. ask the evaluation questions. Every time. ignore the partner voice, and tell it to shut up until you have finished checking for yourself, thank you very much. Take no other word for it but your own. I hate this, and i can't talk to my family about it either. I did in the past, and they all feel so strongly that they've either said something to his face, and my brother has jumped him on two different occasions. WHIch i continuously get reminded of. I tried to stop him once, and the other time i was pregnant and had to pull him off of him. Yes, you can, and MUST talk to your family about this... and here is why... I'm not allowed to talk to my family about our fights anymore. I agree though. No good comes of it. They hate him now. Which sucks. If i would have kept my mouth shut, then they wouldn't. he'd be invited to family gatherings and there would be no tension, maybe things would be better between us. You will not be talking to your family about fights any more. you will be talking to your family about the fact that you have definitely broken up with him, and that you have had enough and that you need their help to stop you repeating your mistakes. You love them, and see the wisdom of their opinions. Now, will they please help you block him out so that you can get your head straight?
Kamille Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 Lostgurl, I feel like he is holding you hostage. Project yourself a few years from now, without him and his negativity in your life. See, you daughters, see yourself in control of yourself. See yourself surrounded by people who appreciate you, who love your smile, who wish you well. You have been on this rollercoaster for as long as I have been on LS. I remember, because you were one of the first posters to help me on here, and I remember following and feeling overwhelmed by your story. It will be a rough few months, but you will be so much stronger and happier without him dragging you down. Without him making you feel like there's a problem with you. With you realizing that you do deserve love and respect.
Author Lostgurl Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 Word of advice for anyone who is sad. DO NOT watch P.S. I love you, if you aren't in a happy mood. I swear my eyes will be swollen shut from all the crying i've done watching that one. Every womans dream to have a man love you like that. Taramaiden and Kamille, thank you for your posts. I know that i can't go back to this. Ugh. He is just so mean, and manipulative. My mom has been trying to tell me that for years, only she speaks alot of cree and she didn't use the word manipulative, she kept saying he's using me... which i didn't get.until the other day. Yesterday morning, he walked in and opened the fridge, and then left.. Like he was checking up on me. Had i done something like that to him, I would have been screamed at. And been forced to say sorry for checking up on him and not trusting him. Stupid me, i didn't say anything about it. Should have. He offered to watch baby today because it was his day off. While i was at work he IMed me, and accused me of having his password for email. Then gave me **** for not trusting him because i told him that he must be hiding things in there, he's so paranoid. Then he said that i'm my worst enemy and that i'm going to lose him because of my actions. I stopped talking to im after that. Said i had to go. Yesterday was ok. I was ok . My two older girls, for the FIRST time in years DID NOT FIGHT ONCE! They haven't fought today EITHER! IT is TRULY AMAZING! My family have been soo awesome and helpful. I really didn't know they felt this way. My Dad was near tears, asking me to move back home that i could live rent free. Just as long as EX can't get near me. ~ This coming from my father, whose only once in his life told me that he loved me, but that was when he was drunk, he got into a fit of rage, and pulled my hair. THen he felt bad and started crying and told me he loved me. I don't blame him though. He had it very rough growing up. He's unable to show his feelings. He keeps everyrthng bottled up. He is a wonderful man and i love him. My bro came to check on me and gave me his car, because ex took the other car we were borrowing. (out car broke down when i went to get him from his jaw surgery) My bro brought his new girlfriend and we were like old pals from the start. I'm happy he's with her. I'm starting to wonder about ex. I called his BIL's dad about our car that is stuck in his driveway in the city and he didn't know that ex was staying there, in the same HOUSE he lives in . So he's basically been MIA since Saturday! He's whoring around. I wonder if it's with a girl or guy this time? I love him but i hate his lifestyle.
Kamille Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 My Dad was near tears, asking me to move back home that i could live rent free. Just as long as EX can't get near me. ~ This coming from my father, whose only once in his life told me that he loved me, but that was when he was drunk, he got into a fit of rage, and pulled my hair. THen he felt bad and started crying and told me he loved me. I don't blame him though. He had it very rough growing up. He's unable to show his feelings. He keeps everyrthng bottled up. He is a wonderful man and i love him. This segment really stood out for me Lostgurl. At one point I was no longer sure whether you were talking about your dad or your ex. See, you can love and understand your dad. It doesn't mean that him being emotionally distant and abusing you is right, or forgivable. My mom was emotionnally and physically abused by her dad, and she says she forgives him. His life was hard. (and it was). I personnally don't believe her, or rather, I still see how ravaged she is by the abuse she suffered. We can all rationnally understand why he was the way he was, but I think that emotionnally, the power to forgive him has to be given to a higher power. My mom is just human. She can love him, but I know she cannot truly forgive him, because that would mean accepting she wasn't worthy of his love and care. She struggles to do this day. At least you know your dad loves and cares for you. But it's not up to you to make excuses for his weaknesses. It also doesn't mean that your love and forgiveness will change your ex. At the risk of sounding like an armchair psychoanalyst, it seems to me that what's keeping you hanging on with your ex is your desire to be proved worthy of an emotionally unavailable's man love. That you're reproducing the push-pull pattern of your relationship with your dad. Your ex is not your dad. Nor does it sound like he is half the man your dad is. Nor can you resolve your dad's or you ex's issues. Put your well-being and that of your daughters' first.
reddog63 Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Thanks Tara. You are right. I just read through one of my old posts. As horrible as it was, it really took away my sadness ( the sadness of us breaking up anyhow) and i feel a little better now. My ol' pal was right about keeping it here so i can look back on it. I really miss him. What i'm NOT going to miss, is walking on eggshells about being late, keeping him waiting for 5 mintes.. his too strict rules with my girls, his complete and utter bitterness at everything, his racisim. Discrimination to overweight people. < that alone made me feel horrible. I've gained weight since being on antidepressants and he can't tolerate someone with 10 extra pounds. He'd only tell me what a fatty i was in our past arguments. Then when we were all good he'd tell me he didn't care about it, that he loved me anyway. what. ever. I look at the things he says to me and i see hatred. Then i wonder how he could love someone that intentionally broke up a 18 year old friendship and still want to "friends" with her afterward. I think of that and think that i must be some kinda evil, if he hates me and loves that horrible manipulative ugly bitch.I must be so much worse than her. If i'm that, then i guess i don't want to be seen in the light of day. Great now i feel like **** again. lol. Here is some forced positiveness, now i get to listen to what i want, watch what i want. Do what ever the **** i want with out him giving me **** or bringing me down about how lame what ever it is i am doing, listening to, or watching! I can even cook what ever i want. He was SOOOO picky. My family can't believe the things i've mentioned to them in passing about suppers etc. Those things will be nice. But somehow it doesn't compare to seeing the light in my babies eyes when she's dancing with daddy. Why do i need someone like this? It's not a rhetorical question. I truly wonder why (other than him being a good dad to our baby) it is, that i long for him to love me, and accept me for me? I do not know how old your girls are but why would you let this guy be too strick with YOUR girls? From how you describe this guy, I really feel sorry for them. I could be getting the wrong picture, but he does not sound like a warm and caring male figure in their life.
Ayla Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Hi Lostgurl, I have just read this thread and my heart goes out to you. I have also read everyones comments. Please listen to Taramaiden and Kamille - they are tlaking very sensibly. Coming from a policing background - your situation to me calls out as emotional abuse - which is just as bad and just as controlling as physical abuse. Everything you are saying about how he is strict ad gets angry if you are even 5 minutes late, how he puts you down etc etc are all methods of controlling you. It has gone to the point where you do not think you deserve better. THIS IS NOT TRUE! You deserve only the best and I am afraid it is not him. You are a strong person - trust me, to even be talking about it on this forum is a step. The fact that your brother and family are rallying around you now will provide you with strength. Use it. Generally if a persons whole family does not like a persons partner - then there is a good reason for it. Can I ask what your friends think of him? I am betting it is similar to your family.... To get through this you are going to need some professional help - not because you are crazy and not because you are not strong, but a professional can provide you with tools to help you move on with your life and meet the prince you deserve. You need to think of your children and yourself first and foremost. Unfortunately statistics show that people who come from an abusive background (emotional or physical) generally end up in a simialr adult relationship....so you need to break this cycle for yourself and your kids. You can do this
anni1979 Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Hi Lostgurl, I have just read this thread and my heart goes out to you. I have also read everyones comments. Please listen to Taramaiden and Kamille - they are tlaking very sensibly. Coming from a policing background - your situation to me calls out as emotional abuse - which is just as bad and just as controlling as physical abuse. Everything you are saying about how he is strict ad gets angry if you are even 5 minutes late, how he puts you down etc etc are all methods of controlling you. It has gone to the point where you do not think you deserve better. THIS IS NOT TRUE! You deserve only the best and I am afraid it is not him. You are a strong person - trust me, to even be talking about it on this forum is a step. The fact that your brother and family are rallying around you now will provide you with strength. Use it. Generally if a persons whole family does not like a persons partner - then there is a good reason for it. Can I ask what your friends think of him? I am betting it is similar to your family.... To get through this you are going to need some professional help - not because you are crazy and not because you are not strong, but a professional can provide you with tools to help you move on with your life and meet the prince you deserve. You need to think of your children and yourself first and foremost. Unfortunately statistics show that people who come from an abusive background (emotional or physical) generally end up in a simialr adult relationship....so you need to break this cycle for yourself and your kids. You can do this I agree with this 100%. You've been in an abusive relationship - you need help to see, deal with, and heal from the damage that has been done to you. It is not your fault for staying - you did not deserve this. You DO NOT deserve it now, or ever. Please please contact resources in your area for women that have been in or are currently in abusive relationships. Let me know if you need any help finding something.
Author Lostgurl Posted May 6, 2009 Author Posted May 6, 2009 ohhhh he is such a sleaze. I called because his BIL's Dad's driveway in the city was taken up by our broke down car. That alone is enough to steam over. I still have 4 payments left on it. It only has 70K sigh anyhow i call to lwt him know that my Dad and BIL are going down to tow it back here. Then I ask for HIM because he had a day off on thurs, and i wanted to know if he'd give my mom a break. BIL's dad's response was WHO"? Isn't he at home? He hasnt ' even seen him there since saturday. ass called me back to see what i wanted this morning. I didn't go to work. I just wanted my bed to swallow me. I asked him where he has been hiding Yuck.. he replyed in that jerky voice of his. At Gary's where the F*ck do you think. I told him what BIL's Dad said and he said he went to bed at 7pm on sunday and blah blah. THen at lunch he came over and gave me **** about just askng him. He then changed his story about where he was. He said he was at a place where he knows that i hate. It's a horrible party house, that his BMF has become accustomed to. A place where i grit my teeth as i saythis 15 year OLDS PARTY. :mad: Little lost whores that will cling on to anything that will give them booze. I'm either thnking that he either lied to me about being in bed at 7 ( horse****) because he wanted to keep that place i hate secret, or he hasn't been staying at BIL's at all. He has someone else. I wouldn't doubt it. THe way he speaks to me, he seems like he hates me. I am steaming mad at him but i don't want to SCREAM at him. that. prick. God dam i hate being alone. I wish my bro and his gf were still here. They just left. The pathetic thing is that when they first left, and i signed in, HE was signed into messenger, but there was that lil clock on his name. LIKE that is supposed to make me believe he's there and behaving. ****! If he was my love none of this would be happenening. If he loved me i'd be happy. **** i just want to die
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