I still miss her terribly...why?

[lonelypiscesguy]

I apologize for editorializing here, but I need to do some writing, it is in fact, soothing and healing. I still miss her. It has only been a little over a month since she broke up with me, but it feels like an eternity (can anyone else relate?). I miss our nightly talks. I miss the pride she had in me for finding a decent job. I miss our plans for our future together. I even miss being on her facebook page (how lame is that, lol?) As time has gone by, I have beat myself up less for the breakup that I set into motion, I feel like I did make mistakes, I think we both made mistakes. But I would still like that 'second chance'. But why?

It seems like all we did was bicker, never really fought, or yelled, or cursed at each other, all we did was drive each other crazy. But we also had some very tender moments of understanding and forgiving the mistakes we made in the past (before we reconnected), along with the declarations of love and friendship. I don't blame her for getting tired of my schtick, and I told her that one of my promises to her was, that if she ever got tired of me, I would let her go, no obsessive behavior on my part, a nice clean break.

We last spoke on Easter (I broke NC, shame on me!) and she called me "my dear" twice as we were saying our goodbyes and goodnights, but I'm not reading TOO much into that. I still worry about her, as she is a very sensitive soul, and she has made bad choices in the past with men, I guess myself included. But even though I was kind of a jerk to her a few times, nothing terrible like cheating or being abusive, I still think I'm the best man for her! Not the best she can do, I just think I understand her more than most guys ever could. I just don't want to see "my baby" hurt by a real jerk, who'll just use her for sex and be done with her. I still think about her all the f***ing time and I wish I could stop! I don't fall into love at the drop of a hat and I don't fall out of love easily, either. Guess I'm not coping very well, after all. I really have nothing but the best of intentions with her, and when she brought up marriage, I was sincere when I said I had thought about it as well.

Between her recovering drug and alcohol addictions and her bipolar disorder, I don't even know if I should love her as I do, but I do. And I do want her to be happy, even if that means we are over, and almost a month and a half into it, it looks like it is. I guess it's hard to get over someone that carries a torch for you for 26 years. I mean, she was the most romantic thing that has ever happened to me, and i so regret being such a disappointment to her. But I still think that all and all, I'm a good guy! I wish she could remember all the things she found so good about me. She appreciated my intelligence, my humor (I miss making her laugh!), my honesty, not to mention my humility, lol! I still long for your love and your life with me, Erin. I miss being apart of your family and friends, sweetheart. You were such a sweet woman on so many levels and I disappointed you. You said you still get mad when you think about how I hurt you, but you are talking to me. Why? Do you still have feelings for me, I wonder? Do you miss me as I miss you? I believe you do, and now we are stuck in a stalemate of pride, neither one wanting to break the ice.

Just call so we can talk. Let's not end it so easily, even though I know this isn't easy for you, either. I firmly believe that with a little forgiveness on both our parts, we could find the love and respect we once had. I know you miss me as well. Just call me, honey. We can make it right again.

 

Your Sean

[lonelypiscesguy]

Why do I still read our emails? Why am I putting myself through this? I have to assume that you have already moved on and are most likely seeing someone already. But I just can't get over you, Erin. Do I not want to, or am I just a desperate fool?

[TaraMaiden]

While writing your emotions on a forum may be cathartic, you must understand that this emotional attachment is both unhealthy and unproductive.

 

Think on this.

Nothing ever remains the same. Your feelings will fluctuate because they are intangible and also affected by outside influences as well as your own alpha-waves, so you will feel different and changeable.

But there are other more subtle changes you are unaware of... your body is slowly, but slowly ageing. Every day there are subtle and unseen changes happening to your organs and body.

You are advancing slowly, towards old age, sickness and death.

Tell me, do you wish to waste your precious days whining and pining, or do you think it would be better spent in doing something constructive, and worth the while?

 

No man can look upon the same river twice.

no, he cannot. It is not the same water, the same flow, the same silt.... even looking away for 30 second, it is different.

 

• There is stress in Life.
  
• The stress is due to our clinging and grasping to what we perceive is reality, but is actually impossible to grasp and maintain eternally.
  
• there is a way out of suffering.
  
• The way is to look at life the way it is, and to see it is as it is..... "warts and all".
  

Acceptance and serenity.

breathe in.

Now breathe out.

You see, I just made you conscious of something your body does all the time, without a single thought from you, automatically. day in and day out, 24-hours a day, interminably....

breathe in.

breathe out.

 

A second time, you see this.

But every single breath, is one less in your life.

And one day, this 'interminable' will indeed, terminate.

No more breathe in.

 

each time you feel the despondency of pain and absence fall upon you, breathe in and breathe out.

it brings life into perspective.

 

Why waste your breath?

 

_/l\_

[Meaplus3]

It's only been a month and that's not long at all. Give yourself the time you need to grieve. We all heal at our own rates. The best thing you can do is try and distract yourself. Do things that will keep your mind busy and off of her. It will get better with time. Time is a wondeful healer. You'll be ok.

 

Mea:)

[TaraMaiden]

With the greatest of respect, meaplus3, Time is not a great healer.

All time does, is pass.

It does this very well, but if time were a great healer, everybody would heal.

 

Some people recover from such incidents, relatively quickly.

Do we now anyone bereaved who seemed to get married indecently soon after their spouse died?

 

Some people seem to take a lifetime to recover.

Queen Victoria retired, effectively, from being a great British monarch, and took refuge in her home Osborne house, and away from public viewing, for nearly 40 years.

Time does not heal. we do.

But as time passes, we give ourselves less and less time to be complete again.

[Meaplus3]

With the greatest of respect, meaplus3, Time is not a great healer.

All time does, is pass.

 

Yes. Time does pass. And when time passes, we tend to forget and move forward with other things in life. That's all I was trying to say. And also giving it time has worked for me.

 

Mea:)

[TaraMaiden]

I guess one could then, say that time may heal, providing that time is used effectively...

 

_/l\_

[Meaplus3]

I guess one could then, say that time may heal, providing that time is used effectively...

 

_/l\_

 

Right! And keep in mind, we all apply effectively in our own ways while facing situations.

 

Mea:)

[lonelypiscesguy]

Wonderful advice, ladies. Thank you. It's funny you should say what you said about death and time, last night at work I was putting just those all too important subjects into their proper perspective. I don't want to waste my time, I never have. Even at an early age I knew I didn't want to waste what little we are allowed. At 42, I want to meet that special someone, HER, the woman that I just 'click' with. At least the ex reminded me of what I have been missing. I really like being in a relationship and being in love. And I WILL have it again, dammit! Thank you both again...

[playlislay]

Thats the spirit!

 

I know it sucks hun, Its been 4 months for me and I still found myself crying in my car today thinking about how much I bloody miss and love that fool of an ex. I really do. But life must go on!

 

I know youre going to miss your special bond and you will doubt if you will ever have something that special and close again. But you will. Dont get me wrong, I dont think I would dismiss my ex if he wanted another shot (which I know will never happen as I hurt him and he is a stubborn git! lol!) as I absolutely love him to pieces. But you cant ponder on the thoughts of if they will come back, you have to see it as its done. ever. she isnt coming back. Yes, Its sh*t but its life. :OS

 

 

You have to look at the positives. You have been able to reflect on your behaviour and hopefully you will self-correct yourself for future partners. I wish I could have seen how much I was hurting my man at the time, I wouldnt have done it, especially if I knew that this would be the outcome. But hey, Ive learnt from it! Yes, at the expense of losing my life partner (wow, Ive never considered someone as my LIFE partner.........*sigh*) but Ive learnt all the same. I never want to lose somone that special ever again. Never. I have well and truly learnt from my hurtful actions and immaturity, and hopefully you have learnt too. )

 

I always see love as a business: work hard, watch it grow and reap the rewards. SOme businesses go bust and that my friend, is from slacking on your behalf! Next time when you know youve got a winner, work hard and the rest shall follow.

 

Take care hun xx

[Meaplus3]

. At 42, I want to meet that special someone, HER, the woman that I just 'click' with. At least the ex reminded me of what I have been missing. I really like being in a relationship and being in love. And I WILL have it again, dammit! Thank you both again...

 

Now that's the right attitude to have! There is a special someone for everyone that's how I look at it anyway. Best wishes!

 

Mea:)

[copaisking]

Hi Pisces

 

Do what I have just done, it's an incredibly brave step in the healing process. I, like you, am completely heart broken, and devastated. Here's what I have just done to move on:

 

1. Delete her number from any phone that it is in. DO NOT write it down ANYWHERE, just DELETE it.

 

2. DELETE ALL text messages from her, and I mean ALL.

 

3. DELETE ALL documents/pictures she had on your computer. DELETE her from your aim/msn etc DELETE her email address, DELETE her emails.. again... ALL of them

 

This will be hard. I have literally just done it. Now I know that I cannot get in contact with her without physically going to her apartment, and I know that is stalkish and I would never do that.

 

You sir, are a good looking man with a great personality...how do I know? I've never met you, or spoken to you...I know because you had to have these qualities to get a girlfriend in the first place.

 

I don't want to plug a product, but i've also been using this thing called Ultimate Inner Game, its a set of NLP DVD's, and they've really helped. Its about building happiness from within.

[TaraMaiden]

That sounds interesting.

A bit like Buddhism!

 

_/l\_

[lonelypiscesguy]

This community is amazing! I just got off work, and I treated myself to a nice breakfast and some champagne cocktails (not because of her!) and I want to thank all of you that have contributed to my sorry plight, but especially you Brits! Me grandmum was Brit/Irish from Liverpool and everybody that has shown an anonymous interst in my sorry tale, I thank you sincerely. Let me get some much needed sleep and I will thank you proper, like! This is a British site then, in'nt it? Thanks!

[lonelypiscesguy]

And nothing against my beloved American Brothers and Sisters, I thank you all as well, I just get the distinct vibe that there are Brits amongst us! lol!

[TaraMaiden]

Well... I am in England but I'm Italian. Do I count?

 

_/l\_

 

Copaisking, please do not think I was attempting to be facetious or dismissive of your contribution, or that I was making light of your comments to lonelipiscesguy.

one of our managers at work brought in a "life Coach" to enable the staff to interact better and to work more productively. he was a practitioner of NLP and the similarities of NLP to some aspects of Buddhism were glaringly obvious and evident to me.

I later spoke discreetly to this coach, and mentioned it to him. we has a most fruitful discussion, and have remained in touch as good friends ever since. he is in complete agreement, although of course there are other aspects involved. There is no question that NLP is extremely effective in the immediate sense. Buddhism (and the practice and implementation) takes a little more investigation.

 

I just wanted to clear that, because I hope I did not cause offence.

 

Apologies lonelypiscesguy, for taking your thread away for a moment.

 

I hope you can change your forum name soon....

 

_/l\_

[copaisking]

Hi TaraMaiden

 

I was actually happy you made the connection. I follow buddhism as a lifestyle, and the NLP helps me to train my brain, but they are very similar, and definitely work for me. I try to get up early and do 20 minutes of positive mind technique.... right now, my positive words are 'you are over Nicole and each day grow stronger and stronger', and I picture myself using this mantra in 6 months, then a year, then 5 years and see how visualize how happy I am at those points. It's a great technique.

 

For the record, although you can probably tell by my spelling, i'm originally from England but have lived in the states for 8 years, 4 years in SoCal...

 

Pisces, i'm not one of these 'new age' people, if you saw me, you wouldn't think that I was spiritual at all, but I opened my eyes and mind to this stuff, and it really does work on making you a stronger person. If you don't love yourself first, then nobody will love you. Its actually really helping with my co-dependancy issues as well, if you can, you may want to look into getting a therapist as well. I've just started and it feels great blurting out all of your inner anxieties/issues to a complete, non-bias, trained stranger. If money is an issue, look around, as there are places that subsidize according to your income.

 

What i'm trying to say (and what i'm fiiiiiiinally starting to do...) is focus on yourself, and give her no more of your energy, she doesn't deserve it, a break up is a battle.. walk away with your head held high.

[TaraMaiden]

 

Not only The English contingency, but Buddhists too!

 

It must be something in the water!!

 

_/l\_

[lonelypiscesguy]

I want to thank you all for all the very nice things you have said. This forum is filled with warm, caring people who truly seem to care, and I want to be able to return the favor when I can with my best two cents worth, when appropriate. So wee talked for an hour last night, we laughed, got caught up after having not spoke for 3 weeks, and she was, as always, very sweet. I don't know if she is stringing me along, she just doesn't seem the type. I professed my love for her and how I want her back, and she didn't say that it was out of the question, nothing of the sort. I think that if I go slow and regain some lost trust, we may be able to start anew. Please understand that it is difficult to get over a woman that has looked for you for 26 years and you fell in love with you unconditionally. I was the one that did the hurting, and I told her I want to try and make it all up to her. I didn't beg or whine or plead, just told her I still love her and so very much regret putting us this far back. What does she say? She thought I hated her now! I told her nothing could be further from the truth. Wish me luck, and thank you all again. You have all made this painful period much less confusing. Good luck to you all!