Tizzy Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 I just broke up with my bf on Wednesday. I do believe it was for the better, as there seemed to be some compatibility issues, but I still miss him like crazy and wish things would've worked out. We had been together for 6 months, known each other and hung out together for 9. I'm on day 3 1/2 of NC and it's tough. But I'm working my way thru it, reminding myself constantly of why we broke up in the first place, and realizing that it was likely for the better, for both of us. Us breaking up gives each of us the chance to find someone more compatible. Anyone have any good stories about breaking their NC with their ex? I don't plan to break NC any time soon, but if and when I do (or he does) it would be nice to have some encouraging stories in the back of my mind. Thanks
Soul Bear Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 Im a bit confused.... You said you want to finsd someone more compatible, yet you want him to get in touch...?! What kind of happy ending are you looking for here? Do you REALLY want to end this with him? OR do you want to work things out and work through it together? Ill tell you something for free, people do change, but only if they want to, and realise where they go wrong in the forst place. DO NOT use NC as a means of manipulation, it is used for healing yourself. If you broke it off with him and you are having second thoughts then i strongly suggest you tell him this and you both try to work through it together. I know that if my ex fiance wanted to come back to me then i would love to here so. But sometimes its good to wait a while and see what lessons people learn, if at all.... Hope this helped you some
Soul Bear Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 Just remember to follow your heart 1st your head 2nd, and other peoples advice 3rd. I realised i didnt even address your question, sorry about that. In the time my ex and I have been seperated (a month now) I have learned alot about myself. When i broke NC it was to thank her for helping me find myself. I felt like i 'needed' her in my life to complete me. Thats BS, she just filled that gap inside of me and when she left there was just a gaping great hole. It took a month, but realised that i need to be whole person before i can look at any kind of relationship with anyone. Read the 'so your thinking of breaking NC-read this first' thread There are a few replies from people there already saying there own experiences.
Author Tizzy Posted May 3, 2009 Author Posted May 3, 2009 "You said you want to finsd someone more compatible, yet you want him to get in touch...?! What kind of happy ending are you looking for here? Do you REALLY want to end this with him? OR do you want to work things out and work through it together?" I'm not gonna lie, yes I do want him to call me or text me...something! I would like to know that he cares. I know that sounds corny as hell, but it is what it is. I did not really want to end things, I put the decision in his hands and he told me I am not the one for him since I basically won't cater to his every whim. I would love to have found a way to work things out, but honestly, I think I had already done what I could for that relationship. I realized that he was expecting way too much out of me in this relationship in terms of changing the very fundamentals of who I am, and that just can't be compromised IMO. So while I do wish we could work things out, i don't see how anything would ever change unless he starts looking inward to see what HE can contribute to the relationship working out, instead of constantly thinking there's something problematic with ME, that I'm the only one who needs to take steps to keep the relationship happy. I am not a doormat, never have been, and refuse to become one anytime soon. I would like to see a happy ending to this. Am I holding my breath waiting for one? Absolutely not.But if it happens, I will have a smile on my face. If he calls and wants a reconciliation and has good reasons for why I should give him the time of day and what would be different going forward (that's the key), I'd be willing to give the relationship another go. But if he doesn't ever call me again, or calls but with no intention of getting back together,then I know that I am not someone worth fighting for to him, and that means I am much better off without him in my life.
Soul Bear Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 hmmmm Interesting concept their T. I feel for you. Has he called you at all since the breakup? has he asked to reconcile at all? Has he admited to his mistakes and told you where he went wrong? Does he show any regret for his actions and the way he 'used' you? If he DID get in touch, and only told you he sees where he went wrong, would you make the effort to reconcile? Or do you beleive that he should beg? Sorry in all the Q's but this is very interesting reading your story as you are a woman, and i am a man in opposite situations...well, almost oposite. Its not right of him to try and change you. But if you both feel for each other then i think you should let him know. I beleivce communication is the key in any relationship.... I got in touch with my ex, i didnt ask her for reconciliation, but i did tell her i see where i went wrong, and thanked her for doing this as i feel i have found myself and faults and been able to work on them. after reading your post i have a needle head of doubt in my mind as to whether or not i should have asked for R too. Seems he needsd to learn the true value of love, and having a partner. Either way, thats a tough one for you to deal with. As you broke up with him, theoreticly, the ball is in your court. Seems his ego might just be stopping him for asking for reconciliation and to change his ways tho. It is not a problem with YOU, its a problem with HIM. He will have to learn this, and if he doesnt, then i suggest you find someone else who will value you for all that you are, who you are, and be willing to give as much as they get in return. I have realised this about myself. I hope for his sake he does too. Keep strong
Author Tizzy Posted May 3, 2009 Author Posted May 3, 2009 Has he called you at all since the breakup? has he asked to reconcile at all? Has he admited to his mistakes and told you where he went wrong? Does he show any regret for his actions and the way he 'used' you? The answer to all 3 is nope. I never felt used in the relationship. I just started feeling unappreciated and unaccepted for who I am and what I had to contribute to the R. If he DID get in touch, and only told you he sees where he went wrong, would you make the effort to reconcile? Or do you beleive that he should beg? I don't think he should beg per se, but I would need to be convinced that he was really committed to making us work and that he understood where things were going wrong in the first place. The crazy thing is that he once told me he knows he has selfish tendencies in a R. At the time that he said it I didn't quite understand what he meant, now I totally see what he meant. THat's something he needs to work on. I can honestly say I did what I could and was willing to do to make that R work. Sometimes things don't work out and I can accept that. That just means there's someone better for me out there. Or it could mean that maybe down the road there's a chance for a reconnection but if and only if there's an improvement in expectations on his part. Until that happens, I will continue my NC and continue living my life. If he ever comes around to his right mind, great, but if not oh well. It's his loss. Life does go on.
Soul Bear Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Thats really interesting, thankyou for sharing that with me I feel like that is the position my fiance was in when she left a month ago. Within this month i have realised where i went wrong and what i need to change about myself. I broke my own NC rule to send her an email saying i now realise where i went wrong. She was living for 1.5 people, and i felt like i needed her to complete me. I was wrong, i needed to be complete within myself. I was needy and over dependent. I hope for the chance of reconciliation between us, as i now know i dont need her, but i do want her if you know what i mean. If there is any other good news to share about this breaking NC, i will let you know! I was the same as your ex, i expected to much, and expected her to cater for my every whim. Thats not the way a relationship should work. Its unbalanced and i now know what she meant. If he truly does love you, and he does love himself, he will use this time wisely to look within himself for the answers. Sometimes it takes a shock to make people realise these things. I hope for both your sakes, that he manages to see where he went wrong. Thankyou so much for sharing this with me, it has been very enlightening. Peace and Light SoulBear
boogieboy Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 I just broke up with my bf on Wednesday. I do believe it was for the better, as there seemed to be some compatibility issues, but I still miss him like crazy and wish things would've worked out. We had been together for 6 months, known each other and hung out together for 9. I'm on day 3 1/2 of NC and it's tough. But I'm working my way thru it, reminding myself constantly of why we broke up in the first place, and realizing that it was likely for the better, for both of us. Us breaking up gives each of us the chance to find someone more compatible. Anyone have any good stories about breaking their NC with their ex? I don't plan to break NC any time soon, but if and when I do (or he does) it would be nice to have some encouraging stories in the back of my mind. Thanks Tizzy i think you continuing NC will be the only way he will miss you enuf to think about what he needs to do, thats IF HE feels he needs to change. But it sounds to me like thats the way he is when hes with you naturally. So he has to miss you to change. But you need to wait at least a month, and he's supposed to contact you. If he doesnt, move on. Sounds to me like you can easily move on.
BCCA Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 I don't mean to be harsh, but as a guy, if a girl broke up with me, I would never think to contact her again. For what? To be shot down over and over, used, or made to feel like crap? If YOU decide to end things, YOU need to decide to contact me. Thats my feeling on it. If you dont make the effort, oh well. And honestly, even if you do, if I dont hear that you want to work things out, I wouldnt even bother returning the call/email. I would like to know that he cares Did you care when you broke up with him? Sure, but even though it sucked, it might have been the right thing to do. Him being around for you when youve decided that you want a different relationship is pointless for him. Trust me, SO many people get dragged into being used for sex, money, and company because the person that dumped them is stringing them along. Here is the bottom line, you really cant be friends anymore, and it doesnt seem like he's invested enough in the relationship to make any changes that he doesnt think he needs to. Will he one day? Anyones guess, but he may feel like you dropped an ultamatum on him (which you did), and everyone hates those. Either you contact him, or accept that you probably wont hear anything from him. And just think, even if you did - unless he wants to change, its pointless right? We NEVER get what we want from ex's, and expecting anything is asking for dissapointment.
James C Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 No breaking NC doesn't work, well it didn't 4 me, i was with my GF 6 months and she broke up with me 2 months ago now and i had about a week on NC and it worked pretty well and we started talkin again and things have gotten really messy. Unfortunatly all her friends are my friends 2 so we see each other almost everyday and its really confusing cos she wants to be friends but i really wanna get over her and i can't seem to do it so i don't know wheather to talk to her when were around each other or just ignore her. Anyway....moral of the story is that breaking NC led to trouble
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