Trialbyfire Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Thanks. I feel better. I actually think I was hearing your voice as we were having the break up talk. "I deserve love" popped into my head, a love that is simple. I don't want complications.You do deserve a relationship that doesn't consist of complications. Complicated men are just cowards with baggage, hiding behind confusion. So, all in all, the break up went well. He was obviously disapointed that I wasn't going to stick around, and that was hard to handle. We spoke a bit about his situation, and it helped me a lot. I really feel like I did the right thing. And yes, right now I am proud of myself for putting my well-being first. I'm proud of you too, for putting your emotional health first. In acknowledging that you were falling for him, you realized what action you needed to take, in order not to get burned by another EU man. If he wasn't EU/rebounding, it still would have been difficult if not impossible, with an expiry date. No matter which way you look at it, you took the wisest course of action.
Star Gazer Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 I'm way confused, K. I thought you were okay, and next thing I see you're wondering how to end things, without any analysis about deciding to do so??
Lostgurl Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 I am the rebound and I don't care. I know I'm likely to get some flak about this. That charming guy I've been seeing? We both agree that neither of us is available for *love* right now, as he's pulling himself together after a LTR and as I will be leaving in the next few months. Usually, these kinds of situation would send me running for the hills, afraid to get hurt. Not here. It's all right with me. I enjoy spending time with him, and I feel like I am learning a lot about being independant and not relying on the man in my life to be my only source of happiness. It's not going to be forever, but I still believe this can be something beautiful. I'm a slow learner Kam. This is how HE was when we first got together. I wanted so badly to be his everything. NOW I have learned. What can i say i'm dumb. A slow learner. I hope that you don't hurt because of this. Your last statement worries me. I hope that you don't get attached and hope for something that is really even a far stretch. Because it will set you up for disappointment. I don't want you to feel that way. I've been feeling that way for 5 years! LIKE I SAID, i'm a slow learner . But usually when something beautiful comes to an end, regardless of whether you know it or not, it does hurt. Disclaimer: I only read the first post, so forgive me if things have changed and i look like an idiot lol
Author Kamille Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 I'm way confused, K. I thought you were okay, and next thing I see you're wondering how to end things, without any analysis about deciding to do so?? We were talking and I realized/found out that his ex and him were still trying to figure out if their relationship could be saved, for the kids. This would make me the other woman. Now, that's a line I can't cross. It also made me realize that if I continued on with this, I would be continuing my pattern.
Isolde Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 I'm proud of you too Kamille! You must be at least a little relieved. Now you're free to relax until your big move!
Star Gazer Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 We were talking and I realized/found out that his ex and him were still trying to figure out if their relationship could be saved, for the kids. This would make me the other woman. Now, that's a line I can't cross. It also made me realize that if I continued on with this, I would be continuing my pattern. Oooohhhhh, I see. That makes sense then, and is a wise decision. Props to you!!!
Author Kamille Posted May 6, 2009 Author Posted May 6, 2009 I'm proud of you too Kamille! You must be at least a little relieved. Now you're free to relax until your big move! Absolutely how I was feeling yesterday, until I ran into him (pure coincidence - it was impossible for either of us to have planned the run-in). We laughed it off. Problem is, he makes me feel so comfortable. Like I could tell him anything, trust him with anything. We left things on a good friendly note. Nothing felt abnormal - I left things feeling like "ah well, yay, we can be friends". Today: I actually saw the whole scenario unfold: we're friends -only I would only be lying to myself wouldn't I? I make him feel better about himself. Wife notices. Takes an interest in him again. Decides she wants things to work out. I'm left with the reward of having saved someone else's marriage. Hurray for me. See, I've been in this spot before: I seem to attract men who need a self-esteem boost. Wonder what that's all about. Oooohhhhh, I see. That makes sense then, and is a wise decision. Props to you!!! Thanks! Must stay strong. Hopefully no more run-in until I've sorted all this out in my head.
dreamergrl Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 See, I've been in this spot before: I seem to attract men who need a self-esteem boost. Wonder what that's all about. You and me both! I'm sorry things worked out this way for you!!! At least you know, and you were able to step back and remove yourself from the situation!
Trialbyfire Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 My litmus test has always been to look for men who don't need anything from me, where what I can bring to the table, he can easily get elsewhere. This ensures that he doesn't need me to complete him or compensate for any lack within him. He's with me because he wants to be. Of course this means that if they can get what I have to offer, elsewhere, they could always cheat. The good news is that you can always walk away from a cheater and never look back, since you can never control anyone, but you can control yourself. There are plenty of fish in the ocean.
Author Kamille Posted May 6, 2009 Author Posted May 6, 2009 You and me both! I wonder a few things about this pattern... Is it because... ... I don't notice the flags and act on them fast enough? ... am "too nice". ... bad luck ... am not upfront enough about my own emotional needs?
Author Kamille Posted May 6, 2009 Author Posted May 6, 2009 This ensures that he doesn't need me to complete him or compensate for any lack within him. He's with me because he wants to be. Great post! Thanks TBF.
dreamergrl Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 I wonder a few things about this pattern... Is it because... ... I don't notice the flags and act on them fast enough? ... am "too nice". ... bad luck ... am not upfront enough about my own emotional needs? I wonder if, for me, it's because... -Maybe I'm looking for the same a self esteem boost, and don't realize it -Maybe I want to feel like I'm providing something emotional, not just physical -Maybe I am getting something out of trying to chase -Or maybe I'm just too blind and naive to see the obvious when it comes to myself
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