Nikki Sahagin Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 2 year relationship; endless mistakes on both our sides; jealousy, insecure, trust issues etc. We broke up at the half way mark and have tried to make things better ever since. The only issue is I feel HE has stopped. I feel I cannot talk to him because it becomes emotional from both our sides; lots of frustration, anger, blame, resentment and sadness. We used to be SO CLOSE that I don't think even a needle could have pricked its way between us. We had amazing trust, amazing passion - it was just amazing. But now it leaves me miserable. Miserable because I miss whats past. I'm not sure how to fix the relationship. We seem to just argue and break away without the air cleared because there is too much emotion and craziness in the air. Despite this we do love each other so much. Is it just one of those cases where it just can't work? Its just too difficult and too hard? Unfortunately I have several beliefs which may be wrong but are very engrained. As a child I was always dependent and needy and very anxious and strained up. I had depression, panic attacks and agrophobia from a young age which I think left me scared and overwhelmed and unable to cope alone - so I never really have. I only started to when I met my boyfriend. Him loving me made me learn to do it for myself. Now when I think of us ending, I feel i'll slide back into that dark pit I spent so many years in. And that terrifies me. I also shared my first kiss and lost my virginity with him. I have pretty conservative views on sex; one night stands, flings, casual sex and dating are not for me. I only like or want serious relationships. I am also very picky and cautious. He was the first one I let in and the only one I wanted to have children with or marry. I didn't care about who I wasn't getting to know, he fulfilled me in every way so I didn't think about what anyone else can offer. When we get on, he is still all I want. But when we don't, the anger and sadness work their magic. I don't want to give up but part of me feels the endless struggle of trying to work with him, when I feel he just can't work with me, is driving me insane and making me miserable, though I know i'll be miserable without him too. He is so deep in my heart and so special to me. I can literally cry looking at his baby pictures or his face when he sleeps - I just love him so much. I can't bear not having to care for him. Does this mean I just want to be needed?? How can you learn to communicate properly? We used to, but I think we've done so much damage to each other its eroded away. Can we get it back? Or do you think at my age (19) and for 2 years I should just let it go - its not like i'm married. Still this is the guy I know I want everything with, I am scared to walk away, but sometimes I feel this is damaging me.
TaraMaiden Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 Nikki, you really need to try to release and relax a bit more. You have many threads on society, and your own hang-ups.... But you are so young! too young to be carrying so much anxiety and stress on your shoulders... who is making you do this?? Who is obliging you to be so stress-filled? I see you have not returned to answer my questions in this thread...... It is a worthwhile exercise because it will put things into perspective... But all you seem to wish to do is to nourish your stress.... _/l\_
confusedm Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 Seems like he is taking full advantage of your selfless love for him. I think he understands how much you are willing to 'surrender' to his wishes and desires and he is just enjoying it, getting a sadistic high from all that. Try this for a change, just stay away from him, its gonna hurt at first, just hang out with your friends, people with whom you have no issues. Start doing things you enjoyed doing but had to put on hold because of him. Basically enjoy a few weeks without answering his calls, emails or sms. By the end of the month he will be on his knees begging you to forgive him and asking for a second chance. Trust me, he will come to you with the cutest puppy face a cunning guy can make! But you seem like a smart, emotional and innocently sweet girl so then you will need to make a choice, whether let him manipulate you like a puppet or you start enjoying your life with respect and dignity because you did nothing wrong, he is the one trying to control even the air you breath. So final advice, get some distance and drop him like a stone, best thing for you! The only problem will be that this stone will keep on hurting your toe for a while which you will need to throw away properly!
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted May 3, 2009 Author Posted May 3, 2009 Nikki, you really need to try to release and relax a bit more. You have many threads on society, and your own hang-ups.... But you are so young! too young to be carrying so much anxiety and stress on your shoulders... who is making you do this?? Who is obliging you to be so stress-filled? I see you have not returned to answer my questions in this thread...... It is a worthwhile exercise because it will put things into perspective... But all you seem to wish to do is to nourish your stress.... _/l\_ Hey TaraMaiden! Thankyou for your reply. You know I am not sure why I have so much stress and anxiety. I always have, from a young age. Ever since nursery. I used to be terrifed and fearful all the time. Because i've always been this way as far as I can remember, I sometimes wonder if I simply have a disorder of some kind or a hormonal deficiency. I wish I could understand why, but all I can remember is always being this way, never a 'start'.
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted May 3, 2009 Author Posted May 3, 2009 Seems like he is taking full advantage of your selfless love for him. I think he understands how much you are willing to 'surrender' to his wishes and desires and he is just enjoying it, getting a sadistic high from all that. Try this for a change, just stay away from him, its gonna hurt at first, just hang out with your friends, people with whom you have no issues. Start doing things you enjoyed doing but had to put on hold because of him. Basically enjoy a few weeks without answering his calls, emails or sms. By the end of the month he will be on his knees begging you to forgive him and asking for a second chance. Trust me, he will come to you with the cutest puppy face a cunning guy can make! But you seem like a smart, emotional and innocently sweet girl so then you will need to make a choice, whether let him manipulate you like a puppet or you start enjoying your life with respect and dignity because you did nothing wrong, he is the one trying to control even the air you breath. So final advice, get some distance and drop him like a stone, best thing for you! The only problem will be that this stone will keep on hurting your toe for a while which you will need to throw away properly! Thankyou so much for your reply. I will try backing off a little and see how that helps
Recommended Posts