jkawalski Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 For a while now there is this friend who I'm trying to help him get back on his feet. He's having trouble performing well in order to graduate high school. Since our high school counselor won't help him out, I decided to help him by seeking out tutors and giving him their locations. He told me he appreciate everything I did, but when I ask him if he ever consider making appointments with tutor, he told me he hasn't. It was very frustrating because it seems that he doesn't take initiatives to help himself get back on his feet. I'm guessing that he's used to the fact that everyone always does things for him and never had to break a sweat. Well now nobody wants to help him except for me, but it is so frustrating to help someone when they don't take initiatives! I mean how really, how busy can high schoolers be? I'm in high school myself and I do tons of extracurricular activities and still have time to do other things. So why not him? And besides, the tutoring service is free, so I don't see a reason why he can't make appointments with them.
Ronni_W Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 J, I get your frustration. The challenge is that, no matter how well-meaning you are, there's no way to "force" him to want more for himself. That is, if he is not helping himself then there is nothing you can do. His counselor and other friends have realized and accepted that, right now, your friend is expressing his right to NOT do anything to improve his grades or his life in general. You obviously care very much about him and about his future, and he is fortunate to have you in his life. At the same time, he gets to make his own decisions about his own life -- EVEN IF you are seeing those as unwise and short-sighted (I agree with you that they are, but he still has the right to make them.) So. Your frustration, if it continues, would be that you are not accepting what is within your friend's power and control. Continue to be his friend but, as far as his education goes, get out of the "I want to help you" business . It will only continue to be a frustrating and futile experience for you. Rest assured that you HAVE done everything that is within your own right, power and control. Tell him something like, "When you're ready to take action on your own behalf, let me know how I can help and support you." Again, you are an obviously caring and loyal friend. Be that. You can't (don't have the power to) prevent him from some day having to face the consequences of his own actions and lack of action. Sad as it may be, you just can't "save" him from himself.
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