How does one stop their insecurities from getting in the way?

[This is my user name]

Hello all. I am new here. I have been reading as a guest for a while. Anyhow, I have been having some troubles. My significant other and I have been dating for 4 years (in two months) and we have recently began to fight a lot. We are ages 21 and 23. At first I thought it was because of him mostly, but I am starting to realize it's me, too. I have always had insecurities and issues trusting others, and it was a big problem for us during our first year together. I went to therapy and felt much better, but I feel that lately it has taken hold of me again. I know how to control it better then in the past, and I don't accuse my boyfriend of ridiculous things, but I definitely am feeling some similar feelings that I felt then. We have been fighting every weekend and it's starting to take a toll on both of us. How do I get rid of this? I can't afford to go back to therapy, nor do I have the time. I am a full time student and I also work. Any advice would be much appreciated. Thank you.

[JohnnyBlaze]

I'm sure that taking any advice on this matter from me is as akin to letting Stevie wonder drive, but I'll do what I can.

 

First of all, what are you two fighting about, and what do you suspect him of? Why do you suspect him of this?

 

One thing I was told was to write things like this down. Write down what you think he's up to, why you think it, and every other detail you can think of. Stuff the page in a drawer, save the file and leave it until tomorrow. Sometimes, seeing it on paper can give you a third-person perspective and hopefully allow you to look at it more logically than emotionally. The closest analogy I can think of would be to read a post by someone else on this site. They're going through a ton of mental turmoil, but because you're not involved, you can look at their situation more objectively than they can.

 

This may not be quite the same as actually being a third person, but it's the closest you can get. It gives you a chance to look at your situation with some emotional detachment. It may help you determine whether the problem is due to an insecurity on your part, or whether there really is something going on.

 

But that's just my 2¢.