is it a rebound or not?

[chasz]

Hi everyone,

 

Me and my ex split up like three months ago. I had some personal stuff that made me a little needy and dramatic. This lasted about 5 months(we were together more than a year) and she was pretty happy to be done with that. I don't blame her. However before that we were a really good combo and there were a lot of things she really really liked about me.

We've been in contact for the last 2,5 months since the breakup. I did some needy stuff and told her I loved her but did agree to the breakup after a while. Still I did initiate contact one more than one occasion and I did tell her, be it cheerfull and totally ok with everything that I did love her and that without my personal stuff I think we would have made it. Agreeable but definitely WAY TOO NEEDY!

Now she is still friendly towards me so no bad stuff there. However there is a rebound now since a week or so. Question is: is it still a rebound or is it something more "dangerous"" after this much time has past? Last time we talked she was really laying it on thick how happy she was that she was free again and we broke up. She added she didnt wanna hurt my feelings so Im ok with that. I understand her and how's she's glad and everything, but she is also very friendly towards me. I got the idea that she was overshouting herself and that even though she is glad to be free of the drama and she tries to deny it, there is still some feeling for me. The drama just got too much. She knows now that all that is resolved with me so maybe after a month she'll check back in on me. However the question is, is a new bf after 2,5 months and not right away still a rebound? I am certain by the way that there were no other guys in the picture untill then, trust me I know.

If it's still a rebound well, then I dont blame her and Ill just do the nc and she if she might come back, but if it isnt well if Im correct it will be a lot more difficult to get her back. Not that Im really focussing on that anymore. I mean the fact that she let another guy, you know, does not really make her very attractive to me

My theory is that she will denifintely start missing the good things about me. Just not sure if 2,5 months is still a genuine rebound. He is some fun I guess cause I saw him and he's the not staying player type.

Thanx for your views and tips.

 

Greetings Chasz

 

She obviously still cares for me and the factors that contributed to the failing of my relationship have all been taken care of, so if we were together now it would actually work. You guys think she may miss me if I do NC? And yes I know it's for me, but hey can't help wondering and it also feels empowering if through me working on myself and my actions and her missing me through NC she might actually see/miss/love the new old me again.

 

One other thing: do you think I should add my ex from before back to my dutch facebook kind of site? My current ex really felt insecure about her because she was more of a red blooded woman if you know what I mean and the fact that I was still in contact with her. If I add her, she will think that me and her are back doing well you know. Question is, will this make my current ex more interested cause some other girl is playing with me or will it turn her off completely and make her not miss me again and move on. Although she's now in a rebound, so she has sort of moved on right?

I hope you guys can still follow all this lol

[Juristhea]

Hi everyone,

 

Me and my ex split up like three months ago. I had some personal stuff that made me a little needy and dramatic. This lasted about 5 months(we were together more than a year) and she was pretty happy to be done with that. I don't blame her. However before that we were a really good combo and there were a lot of things she really really liked about me.

We've been in contact for the last 2,5 months since the breakup. I did some needy stuff and told her I loved her but did agree to the breakup after a while. Still I did initiate contact one more than one occasion and I did tell her, be it cheerfull and totally ok with everything that I did love her and that without my personal stuff I think we would have made it. Agreeable but definitely WAY TOO NEEDY!

Now she is still friendly towards me so no bad stuff there. However there is a rebound now since a week or so. Question is: is it still a rebound or is it something more "dangerous"" after this much time has past? Last time we talked she was really laying it on thick how happy she was that she was free again and we broke up. She added she didnt wanna hurt my feelings so Im ok with that. I understand her and how's she's glad and everything, but she is also very friendly towards me. I got the idea that she was overshouting herself and that even though she is glad to be free of the drama and she tries to deny it, there is still some feeling for me. The drama just got too much. She knows now that all that is resolved with me so maybe after a month she'll check back in on me. However the question is, is a new bf after 2,5 months and not right away still a rebound? I am certain by the way that there were no other guys in the picture untill then, trust me I know.

If it's still a rebound well, then I dont blame her and Ill just do the nc and she if she might come back, but if it isnt well if Im correct it will be a lot more difficult to get her back. Not that Im really focussing on that anymore. I mean the fact that she let another guy, you know, does not really make her very attractive to me

My theory is that she will denifintely start missing the good things about me. Just not sure if 2,5 months is still a genuine rebound. He is some fun I guess cause I saw him and he's the not staying player type.

Thanx for your views and tips.

 

Greetings Chasz

 

She obviously still cares for me and the factors that contributed to the failing of my relationship have all been taken care of, so if we were together now it would actually work. You guys think she may miss me if I do NC? And yes I know it's for me, but hey can't help wondering and it also feels empowering if through me working on myself and my actions and her missing me through NC she might actually see/miss/love the new old me again.

 

One other thing: do you think I should add my ex from before back to my dutch facebook kind of site? My current ex really felt insecure about her because she was more of a red blooded woman if you know what I mean and the fact that I was still in contact with her. If I add her, she will think that me and her are back doing well you know. Question is, will this make my current ex more interested cause some other girl is playing with me or will it turn her off completely and make her not miss me again and move on. Although she's now in a rebound, so she has sort of moved on right?

I hope you guys can still follow all this lol

Rebounds mean you're having a hard time moving on from a past relationship and you're taking on a new one to compensate for the one you lost without giving yourself proper time to heal and recover from the break up.

[chasz]

Yes I know, but does the timeframe still correspond with a rebound since it's not immediately after the breakup but three months l8er.

[Juristhea]

Yes I know, but does the timeframe still correspond with a rebound since it's not immediately after the breakup but three months l8er.

It depends.

 

Have you moved on from the previous relationship? If yes, then it's not a rebound. If no, then it's a rebound.

[chasz]

Well........................, I'm not sure if she has. I mean she's glad now to be away from the drama, or perceived drama, since the issues have been resolved, so yeah she's happy. But I know she still cares. She still contacts me etc. Maybe pity I dont know, but she's not indifferent. So isnt it possible then that this is a rebound and that her feelings for me might resurface after a while and when she sees that I'm actually different on the points where we did not work out before? This guy is my opposite so.

[Juristhea]

I love to browse EZA or ezinearticles for useful articles and here's what I found for you:

http://ezinearticles.com/?The-Benefits-of-Your-Ex-Having-a-Rebound&id=2285935

 

Yeah she might be on a rebound since she's still in contact with you. Girls usually dont make contact with their ex after a break up, and I don't keep in touch with my ex's as well...

[chasz]

OK, well I must be honest with you. Recently I contacted her on occasion. But she always replies and the more indifferent I sound the faster she replies. I mean I said that I really loved her once, and once I said that I really feel now that I am different and things were beyond my control that I deserved another chance. I managed to twist it so that I said these things out of guilt. She bought it, but the signals are still very much available. However on the times I was totally cool with it and pulled away from her verbally, she replied even faster. So I don't know. Bottom line is ofcourse. No contact, and do it for myself.

Can't help hoping though. Know it's stupid. Why do I hope, cause I know that this really could have worked if it wasnt for my personal circumstances. At first we both thought this would be the one and it was really fun and we really complemented eachother.

So I'm hoping since he's te perfect opposite of me(classic rebound) and that she has not erased me from facebook or msn, combined with the quick replies when I demonstrated non neediness that there might still be an inkling of feeling there and that right now she wants someone without drama(which I am again now but the only way to show her is by acting cool and collected and not by telling her via email or letter AGAIN ). The only thing I regret is had I known to be counter intuitive sooner I would be way more ahead of where I am now.

 

So I don't know. She contacted me before, now she mostly replied. Thing is that I've always been available and that(first week past) is now changed so maybe in a month when the new relationship has lost its novelty she'll be back and curious what I'm up to. Im definitely not being available now, cause when she is rebounding(assuming that's what it is) and I stay in touch it will highten the chances of something permanent coming out of it. Yikes Hey I sound like my own love counsellor here. Good tactic of you to use less words

 

Greetz Chasz

[Juristhea]

OK, well I must be honest with you. Recently I contacted her on occasion. But she always replies and the more indifferent I sound the faster she replies. I mean I said that I really loved her once, and once I said that I really feel now that I am different and things were beyond my control that I deserved another chance. I managed to twist it so that I said these things out of guilt. She bought it, but the signals are still very much available. However on the times I was totally cool with it and pulled away from her verbally, she replied even faster. So I don't know. Bottom line is ofcourse. No contact, and do it for myself.

Can't help hoping though. Know it's stupid. Why do I hope, cause I know that this really could have worked if it wasnt for my personal circumstances. At first we both thought this would be the one and it was really fun and we really complemented eachother.

So I'm hoping since he's te perfect opposite of me(classic rebound) and that she has not erased me from facebook or msn, combined with the quick replies when I demonstrated non neediness that there might still be an inkling of feeling there and that right now she wants someone without drama(which I am again now but the only way to show her is by acting cool and collected and not by telling her via email or letter AGAIN ). The only thing I regret is had I known to be counter intuitive sooner I would be way more ahead of where I am now.

 

So I don't know. She contacted me before, now she mostly replied. Thing is that I've always been available and that(first week past) is now changed so maybe in a month when the new relationship has lost its novelty she'll be back and curious what I'm up to. Im definitely not being available now, cause when she is rebounding(assuming that's what it is) and I stay in touch it will highten the chances of something permanent coming out of it. Yikes Hey I sound like my own love counsellor here. Good tactic of you to use less words

 

Greetz Chasz

Baiting yourself in front of her will make you the rebound guy if she comes out of a relationship, even though you both have a past to share.

 

What I am saying is, since you said so yourself that the guy she is with now is your complete opposite, then what's to stop her from seeking out the guy which is the exact opposite of her new ex, ergo you?

 

Maybe she's in some sort of pattern when it comes to guys and I can't say at this point unless you know the kind of men she's went out with.

[chasz]

Well usually they say about rebounds that the girl/or guy chooses the exact opposite of what they had before. To sort of compensate for the things that were lacking in the previous relationship. That's why I'm hoping its a rebound.