avadore Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 Hello, i have never witnessed something like this before and am in major need of guidance. I met up with an old co-worker or mine at the beginning of 2008, everything start to go great and we really hit it off. She fell in love with my son right from the beginning and we moved along rather nicely (not that i think of it too quickly though seeing as how we ended up living together) Anyways, i would say about no more then 2 months ago She started to get upset with me a LOT and getting to be very verbally abusive towards myself and other people living in the house for very minor things like not throwing out a paper on the table or doing the dishes the minute they are there etc... I was able to cope with this, but then she started to demand that i change who i am in life. I knew right off the bat that this was wrong, but the more that i thought about it, the more that i liked the change. During me deciding to actually change for myself, (the change is taking more control in your life as I inadvertantly took advange of her by getting her to do more around the house and in my own life) she decided to keep fighting me on random little things instead of actually talk about it. Needless to say we ended up breaking up, but she still lives in this house. This is the hardest thing that i have ever done an no one is able to give me any insight on this. I have not been able to sleep in about 1 month due to depression and just overall being VERY upset (obviously) 2 days ago, she brought some other guy over who "had no where to sleep for the night" she he decided to sleep in her room that she had setup until she moves out (which is VERY soon) and he spent 2 nights here, and she just spent last night out at his place that he is moving to apparently. This is making it really hard for me to get my life back on track, i tried to finish up school but again, depression kicked in way too hard and i couldn't focus. I am having a really hard time paying attention to my son, or even getting work done in the day. I know she has to leave, but i feel like she is just doing this junk to piss me off all the time. She refuses to talk about anything, says that there is nothing wrong and everything is my fault and that i need to fix my problems. This angers me even more, but clearly she would be at fault too for letting something like this build up so much and never speaking about it How would i end up coping living with someone that i really can't stand even looking at right now. Everything she does, i feel like she is doing just to upset me and make me get very angry with her. Please Help!
loser101 Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 why aren't you moving out? it sounds like you are living in a house share (you mentioned others). if it's your place, why haven't you booted out yet? you won't get any peace until she is in your face like that
Admiral Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 If it's your house, throw her out TODAY. If it's her house, move out TODAY. If it's shared, move out immediately and let her pick up the pieces. You owe her NOTHING.
Author avadore Posted May 2, 2009 Author Posted May 2, 2009 this makes it kinda worse. its my mothers house (she does not live here, she just rents the house out.) If i move, then my mother will sell the house causing my friends lifes to be destroyed by not having a place to life. I can't kick her out because of legal agreements and contacts and whatnots that have been signed. Trust me, i have thought about it. Plus, its very difficult to just pack up a 4 year old and move to a place when you are having a hard time affording the place you are currently in. I know either she has to leave or i do, but that's not physically an option at this point. I guess i was moreso looking at way to be able to cope with this kind of situiation. (she has plans to move out by June 1st which is awsome!)
loveslife Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 Wow, I really feel for you but I don't understand why she's still living there. Sounds like it's your home? If that's the case, tell her to leave.
paddington bear Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 Gosh, what a horrible situation. Well, let's hope she does move out for your sake. I'm in a similar-ish situation to you, living in the same building as a supposedly single friend (who of course I fell for) - his crazy, domineering ex-wife insisted on moving into the same building as well and she has made my life an utter hell since she's been in my face most every day. I've lost his friendship - as he's no longer allowed out to see his friends without her, or without her calling him to check up on where he is and who he's with every 5 minutes and finding some excuse to make him come back to her. Anyway, sorry, that was a bit of a rant. I actually went to a therapist because like you I was severely depressed, felt totally trapped by the situation. I told her I was angry and hurt by a lot of things and she said that it was totally normal to feel depressed and hurt and angry, that she would be worried about me if I hadn't felt those emotions. I told her that my plan was to distance myself as much as possible from both of them - since I can't do simply remove myself physically right now, so I just try and avoid talking to them, seeing them, decline any invitations to anything, and just block them out. I would advise you to get her the hell out of there - any chance that you can have someone else lined up to move in to replace her in June, so that if she doesn't go another person is there with their suitcases, rental contract signed, so that she simply has to go. In the meantime do not speak to her, simply blank her, pretend she is invisible - doesn't matter if you're crying into your pillow at night, just avoid having any contact with her at all costs, take your lovely little boy out and away from the house as much as possible and do fun stuff together. Then buy a bottle of champagne and celebrate once this nasty woman is out of your life once and for all.
Juristhea Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 If it's your house, throw her out TODAY. If it's her house, move out TODAY. If it's shared, move out immediately and let her pick up the pieces. You owe her NOTHING. Blunt and true.
colosseum Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 Gosh, what a horrible situation. Well, let's hope she does move out for your sake. ...just avoid having any contact with her at all costs, take your lovely little boy out and away from the house as much as possible and do fun stuff together. Then buy a bottle of champagne and celebrate once this nasty woman is out of your life once and for all. I'm really sorry to hear that. But you don't owe her anything like Admiral says. She just sounds like a really unlike-able human being, and you deserve better than this. Here are my 2cents: No contact Get away from her ASAP (somehow one of you just physically has to move, though I know that's complicated too) Therapy might help--not in any bad way, but just talking about these things with someone may help I say don't wait to celebrate; I know things are really hectic right now, but try to get yourself out there and living a life, with your son and/or by yourself meeting new people and such. When the going gets tough, the tough get going. Keep your head up. You'll prevail.
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