cyril's fan Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 How to tell/signal to a guy that you are only asking him out on a platonic level and not that you are attracted to him? I think platonic relationships do exist but because there are different interpretations of so-called dates, I need help in making it clear.
CuteCumsBer Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 ask him/her out for a walk and ice cream..chit chat. ask him/her what he/she think about you. that's one signal.
Author cyril's fan Posted May 2, 2009 Author Posted May 2, 2009 Thanks for the reply, CuteCumsBer. But wouldn't asking him what he thinks of me make him think I'm interested in him? But I'm not interested in him and need to be able to establish that without being rude. I just want a platonic relationship with him.
CuteCumsBer Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 then I think your best bet is be honest and let him know that. Being honest is the best way, If he doesn't accept that then he's not a good friend.
WTRanger Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 You can always pay for your half. Never let him pay for you and you never pay for him. I've had that rule thrown at me. The if we both pay our own ways then it's not a real date rule. But guess what? Feelings still developed. They came from the fact that we always had a great time together, so why not? We would spend days in a row together, so who were we kidding? Regardless of how you see him, if you spend a lot of time with him there are good chances that one of you will develop lopsided feelings. Platonic relationships never exist in the beginning. They only develop over time.
Author cyril's fan Posted May 2, 2009 Author Posted May 2, 2009 What about when I'm doing the asking? Is there any way to say or signal that it's a platonic date?
paddington bear Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 Thanks for the reply' date=' CuteCumsBer. But wouldn't asking him what he thinks of me make him think I'm interested in him? But I'm not interested in him and need to be able to establish that without being rude. I just want a platonic relationship with him.[/quote'] Don't ask him out at all would be my answer to this - harsh I know, however actions speak louder than words. By asking him to spend time with you and in your life you are showing him that you want him around, and yet if you tell him you don't want him as anything more than a friend, that sends mixed-signals. I would not initiate any one on one time together, when you happen to bump into him, fine, or if he is around with a group of friends, fine, otherwise I think inevitably you are going to confuse him.
Author cyril's fan Posted May 2, 2009 Author Posted May 2, 2009 Oh, so if I ask, the guys will definitely know I'm attracted or interested in them? Why can't there just be friendships between girls and guys?
loser101 Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 Oh, so if I ask, the guys will definitely know I'm attracted or interested in them? Why can't there just be friendships between girls and guys? there is friendship between girls and boys but often the three letter word gets in the way: sex you may have spotted that half the world is chasing the other in the name of procreation.
Author cyril's fan Posted May 2, 2009 Author Posted May 2, 2009 Thanks but anything less direct? I don't mean to send mixed signals but neither can I say in the same breath "let's go out but lets just be friends."
frustr8ed Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 Just bring another friend along that should avoid any confusion. If there is three people then it's not a date.
Admiral Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 OK, "let's go out together as friends." Bring a friend along too, if you want. Another male friend if you really want to get the message across.
carhill Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 Thanks but anything less direct? Bring your boyfriend along Seriously, why the angst here? You do know that the more you agonize over this, the more likely you'll send out the wrong signals. The key is being direct and casual. Friends ask each other out all the time. "Let's catch lunch. Tuesday OK? I'll buy this time" Bla, bla.
monkey00 Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 I don't have much experience with this on a female side. When I ask my female friends out to do activities, it's either lunch/drinks/coffee/activity. By taking them out to dinner is pushing a little into un-platonic territory...but even that is debatable. You guys can split the cost on stuff..or take turns paying for each other. Being platonic with the opposite sex though is a thin line to walk.
somedude81 Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 How to tell/signal to a guy that you are only asking him out on a platonic level and not that you are attracted to him? I think platonic relationships do exist but because there are different interpretations of so-called dates' date=' I need help in making it clear. [/quote'] WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!! Why do you want to spend time with him if it's only platonic? If you think there is a chance that this guy may be into you and you are sure that you want nothing from him, YOU SHOULD NOT BE SPENDING TIME WITH HIM!!! Do not waste his or your time. Obviously I am very angry and bitter about this subject. All of my "platonic" friendships with girls ended poorly because I started to like them and they didn't like me in return. I am STILL trying to recover from when I fell in love with a girl who I hung out with every week for 3 months who ended up having sex on a Sunday with another guy after spending Friday and Saturday hanging out with me. A few days later we had a big fight about our friendship and sex and now she will no longer speak to me. If she had known that I liked her and not wanted to have a platonic friendship with me none of that shit would have happened. I also blame myself for not making sure she knew that I liked her. Getting back to you. If you think there is a tiny chance at all that he may like you and you are sure you want nothing. Please do not try to make a date with him. If he asks you to hang out, reject him gently.
Author cyril's fan Posted May 3, 2009 Author Posted May 3, 2009 I'm sorry to hear that, somedude81. I believe platonic relationships can exist with good communication. Maybe it's for some and not for others. Don't blame yourself. There's no right or wrong.
BobSacamento Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 Yes I think Platonic relationships can and should exist. If anything it's good networking for potential future relationships for you or him. Because with new friends comes the opportunity to meet other friends and things of that nature. I guess the approach I would take is to keep it casual as possible. Hell shopping could be good. But the moment you suspect he wants something more you need to lay it on the line. If he offers to pay for something or makes a move for example, make sure you show him/tell him what the deal is.
WTRanger Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 I agree, platonic relationships can exist and they are very good. However, most of the time there usually is the "feelings" talk. Honestly, I think it is inevitable. I mean men and women are programmed to fall for each other so getting to know someone as "just friends" can often confuse our natural biological workings. If you think about it. In the early stages of getting to know someone as a friend is almost the exact same as getting to know someone as a boyfriend/girlfriend. You're finding out all about them, spending time together, experiencing new things together, etc. It's how you two deal with that situation is what determines if the platonic friendship will truly form and last a long time. If the two of you are honest, open, and gentle about the subject and you give each other time to figure things out then there are great chances you'll have a friend for life. It's when one or both of you let things get complicated, secret, distant and confusing that causes the friendship to collapse.
Recommended Posts