busy_married_student Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 I can't help but wonder if the way I conduct my life can ever make up for the mistakes of my past in the eyes of others. I find myself wondering if I am now going to remain single. I'm not going to decide to be with somebody just because I don't want to be alone. I'd rather be alone then be with somebody I couldn't love totally. I wonder though if the kind of person I'd be interested in would be willing to be with me. I'm divorced and I was unfaithful once. Can the good qualities of a person make up for that? I'm truly sorry, and never intend to either again. Does that even make a difference?
TaraMaiden Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 Yes. if not in this life, then certainly the next. Do good deeds, and be happy at least you have this life to lead. Cultivate kindness. it works wonders..... _/l\_
ForumFool Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 Yes it matters. You have to forgive yourself first. If you are really sorry and others do not forgive you then that is on THEM not you....You can move forward and being the best person you can hold your head high. To me, yeah it matters hugs
Author busy_married_student Posted May 2, 2009 Author Posted May 2, 2009 thanks My life is dedicated to the service of those in need and I'm certainly passionate about what I do. Maybe somebody could see that first, my mistakes second. at least I'll never have a high opinion of myself for choosing my career knowing that I'm probably more of a screw up then the next person who am I to judge?
Reggie Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 Many folks will not hold it against you. I suspect the % of folks that will rule you out would be higher among folks that have already been betrayed. I must confess that I use it as one of the criteria for not getting involved with someone. I just cannot go through it , again. But, you will find many people that will take a chance. It does not define you.
tami-chan Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 thanks My life is dedicated to the service of those in need and I'm certainly passionate about what I do. Maybe somebody could see that first, my mistakes second. at least I'll never have a high opinion of myself for choosing my career knowing that I'm probably more of a screw up then the next person who am I to judge? hi BMS! You must not live your life doing good deeds because you want to rectify the bad deeds in the past. You do good deeds because you ARE a good person and have learned your lessons from your errors in the past. ForumFool is right, first, forgive yourself. Taramaiden is right-"cultivate kindness". Be kind to yourself. Second, do not worry about the people who will not consider you because of your past mistakes. Not worth the trouble, really. You can't have that kind of negativity in your life. That will send you in a tailspin of self-doubt and self-loathing. Things you do not need. Really, it is enough that you are remorseful, truly sorry and agonized about the errors that you have made. No need to flagellate yourself.
Heroic Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 Each moment is a moment that speaks for itself. Make yourself into the man you want to be by looking forward not back. Repentance is turning from the past and making a future for yourself despite your incinations toward those wrong impulses.
confusedinkansas Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 busy...I think people can change. You seem remorseful for what you did - You (i assume) won't cheat again. As for the divorce, that happens - there are 2 people involved & you can't be responsible for someone else. I don't think you have to "make up for past mistakes" Just move on & be the best you can be NOW & try not to be so hard on yourself. You say "you wonder what kind of person would want to be with you?" I'd say- Any kind of person. There are a lot more forgiving people in the world than most of us think. You'll find someone - Chin Up Lil' Camper!
fooled once Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Forgive yourself. Love yourself. Once you truly do both of those; I think your mental outlook will change. <hug> Everyone makes mistakes in life. No one person is perfect or fault free. Unless you killed someone just for the sake of killing them, you are redeemable and you don't have to live your life thinking you have to make up to everyone for mistakes of the past.
Author busy_married_student Posted May 6, 2009 Author Posted May 6, 2009 thanks you guys, I appreciate it. I'm working on forgiving myself, getting there slowly. And to the one poster, don't worry I'm not pursuing my career to make up for things I have done. I've been planning on preparing myself for "a life of service" for years now. It's just what I want to do.
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