spiracles Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 So........ any other suggestions of what I might be doing wrong or could be doing? And spiracles - what else might be the "something horribly wrong" with me? What've I missed? sorry about that, i didn’t mean to torpedo your confidence there. and while i’ve been thinking about it, maybe he’s feeling a bit more conflicted than i thought. not too long ago he was saying all the things he would do to you, but now he realizes that he came in with no game plan. and he’s laying there thinking: don’t be a *****! make a move! but at the same time: what if she just wants to sleep? what if she wakes up and thinks “worst. mistake. ever.”? and i have generally been led to believe that “touch means go” but maybe he is interested in more than some quick action. plus, i’m one of those corny schmucks that feels like sex should be about more than just ****ing. all i know for sure is if i am laying in bed and my girl jumps me, it’s on. it is on like donkey kong! i mean, there would probably be a few seconds of incredulity, followed up by “oh **** yeah!” at which point it would only be a matter of figuring out the mechanics of unhooking her bra concurrent with flipping her on her back (i like to start out on top). i get fired up just thinking about it, but we don’t need to explore my fantasies here. sorry if that was TMI, i’m not trying to be crude or vulgur, just illustrating a point. ... and speaking of transitions, what you might try is once you are in your undies, stand with your back to the bed and with him in front of you. and you can put his hands on your hips and start with hands on his chest and move up to his traps at a rate of approx. 4 cm per second (or whatever’s comfortable) and lean in for the kiss. if he’s into it, hop on the edge of the bed. and if he doesn’t get it from here, his *** needs to take the short bus home, cause he is a moron. seriously. (or the massage idea sounds good) also, i need to stop watching soap operas.
Admiral Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 Here's what I would do: I would plant a big one on him, roll him over and jump on top of him. Then whisper in his ears: I want to suck your c***. It's a done deal. There's no way he would still lay unresponsive to that. Do THIS. If that doesn't give him the hint, nothing will.
Trialbyfire Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 No, these are all guys I'm meeting in person. All except the most recent one were at mutual friends' parties, so they're not even like completely random bar hook-ups. I'm worried that if I make the first move, even if the guy responds, I'll never know if he's actually interested in me, or if he's just opportunistically enjoying that a girl is coming onto him. The distinction is important to me; I think this is why girls (generally) like guys to make the first move. (Remember this, guys!)If this is your concern, why are you hopping into bed with these guys so soon? Connect first before you bond through sex, otherwise his perception of you will be primarily physical, not you in your entirety. Also, do you want to wear the pants in your relationships? If not, back off and allow anticipation to build. Let the man be the man, unless you're comfortable with being the dominant one in your relationships.
You'reasian Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 The next day he texted me to say he was "shy, feeling insecure, didn't know what to do." He said he had a great time, that I looked "stunning," and he hoped to do it again soon. What am I doing wrong?? On the one hand, I guess it's nice that a guy isn't solely interested in sex. But with all these guys NOT being interested in sex, I'm feeling very unattractive and/or like I'm doing something to put them off. Any idea why a guy would be in bed with a girl after a nice evening and not do ANYTHING physical? Perhaps these guys aren't getting a strong enough signal from you and are just taking it easy - some guys are ultra careful about making the move when women aren't giving the go ahead or you might be withholding or altering your experiences - perhaps to draw out a response? Nothing wrong with a little action above or below the sheets now.
carhill Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 Let the man be the man, unless you're comfortable with being the dominant one in your relationships. Bolded for emphasis. From my male POV, it's consistency which is important. A woman who wants it both ways leaves me heading for the door. OP, your story about the guy who "reconnected" with you strikes me as no connection whatsoever. Connections don't happen from dinner, talking and then suddenly climbing into bed. Sex can happen, with the right kind of man for that (the man who wants primarily sex), but, if you want a relationship (I'm a bit unclear on that part), you need to build intimacy slowly. Make this rule. Only a man who can engage you and show his romantic intent by touching you, focusing only on you and kissing you in public, ever sees the inside of your home or bedroom. He must be consistent. This builds intimacy and attraction and allows his thoughts of making love with you to flow without interruption into the bedroom. He will pick you up, you will wraps your legs around him and he will show you his strength and passion completely. There will be plenty of climbing but not "into bed"
paddington bear Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 Ok...here's my take on it. I'm guessing you are, probably without realising it, a quite sexy woman, men see this and are attracted to you, however, because you're exuding sexual vibes they feel like they can't match up. I have a friend like this, she said exactly what you did, that men would tell her that they were scared to have sex with her in case they disappointed her sexually in some way and were afraid that they wouldn't match up to some unspokenm expectations. Now, to be clear, this girl didn't verbally tell them what she expected or talk about what way she wanted sex, she was just a very confident girl who had men swarming around her. Note to all, this girl was very overweight, but was so charming, enjoyed sex, was so confident and funny that men just were drawn to her, but the very thing that drew them to her was the thing that made them feel inadequate, she was so confident about herself about enjoying sex that they somewhat lost their confidence when it came to the bedroom. So, this could be the case with you, on the bright side, you're getting guys, you're obviously attractive and sexy, on the downside they probably feel a little bit intimiated and are afraid to disappoint you, maybe you could find a way of reassuring them before you even get near the bedroom, something flattering, that boosts their ego and confidence. Best of luck
psiloveyou Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 Perhaps the guys are looking for more than a few nights in bed with you so they are holding back. On the flipside, they might think you are after more and don't want to give off the wrong signal until they are sure that you are both on the same page. It's very unusual for a guy to just roll over and go to bed when he's with a girl. They might not be interested in that way although they enjoy your company.
Author WhyYesThankYou Posted May 2, 2009 Author Posted May 2, 2009 Hey, wow, thanks everyone... This is all great but contradictory advice! I think it highlights that there could be a lot of things going on in my mind, and in his mind, and that whatever we actually SAY or DO should ideally be informed by what's going on with the other person, but won't be, and so it has the potential to totally miss the mark. And before someone says, "But you could just ask him what he's thinking," some guys don't *want* do be asked what they're thinking. They just want to be jumped. Other guys don't want to be jumped; they just want to talk & take it slow. Aaaaaarrrrghh!!! I don't know what to do. I'm seeing him later today - at the moment it's Saturday evening for you guys in the US but only Sunday morning for those of us "down under." Heaps of time left for me to consider the options. (And to get more advice from you!) ... and you can put his hands on your hips and start with hands on his chest and move up to his traps at a rate of approx. 4 cm per second ... Spiracles - this is hilarious. This is I think the most specific, technical sexual advice I've ever seen. I love it. I'm inclined to set up a webcam with a live feed and wear one of those radios in my ear so you can give me advice while I'm "in the moment." Seriously, this is the sort of advice a geekgirl like me likes. Have you considered being a scriptwriter for "The Big Bang Theory"? I think you'd be great. I don't really want to jump this guy, or any guy, for all the reasons some of you have pointed out. I'm fine with initiating "bedroom activities" once I'm in a relationship, but in the early stages - yeah, I think guys should be taking the lead. If, however, these young guys are hesitant to take the lead for whatever reason, and are expecting/hoping the girls will, then ... I mean, it would be good for me to know that so I can change with the times (at least when I'm dealing with a younger guy).
spiracles Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 Spiracles - this is hilarious. This is I think the most specific, technical sexual advice I've ever seen. I love it. I'm inclined to set up a webcam with a live feed and wear one of those radios in my ear so you can give me advice while I'm "in the moment." Seriously, this is the sort of advice a geekgirl like me likes. Have you considered being a scriptwriter for "The Big Bang Theory"? I think you'd be great. why thank you. but all joking aside, i seem to recall reading in BBC news about a study that measured this exact thing. strokes eliciting a pleasant sensation were clocked at something like 4 cm/s. so while he may be a little freaked out that you are having him hold up measuring tape, in retrospect he will realize it was quite enjoyable. and i don’t think any of them expect you to take the lead, speaking as a young guy myself, i would certainly not anticipate it. men should be men.
Author WhyYesThankYou Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 Hi folks, I'd said to the people who responded to this thread earlier that I'd update you after I saw the guy again, which was supposed to be Sunday. But... that didn't happen. I finally texted him on the day to ask if we were still getting together, and he just replied with a bunch of excuses about being trapped under a heavy object or having to deliver a baby gazelle or something. And he hasn't made any effort to reschedule. So... I appreciate everyone's feedback and advice. I guess the guy just wasn't interested.
Curious-One Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 They are definitely interested in you.... i think they might be shy or inexperienced .... you might need to take action in your own hands.
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