Pool and too much touching....

[a4a]

Your profile says that you're a "sex blogger" whose a submissive in a dominant/submissive relationship with your BF. Perhaps he thought you'd like it.

 

cripes you are right..... is that profile for real?

 

well no wonder he was snorkin' on the cousins W...... HELLO!

[nittygritty]

cripes you are right..... is that profile for real?

 

well no wonder he was snorkin' on the cousins W...... HELLO!

 

I'd recommend that the OP doesn't attend Thanksgiving at his family's house.

[Kaii]

cripes you are right..... is that profile for real?

 

well no wonder he was snorkin' on the cousins W...... HELLO!

 

Yes, my profile is for real, yes I am a sex blogger and yes I am in a D/s relationship. Do these things negate my right to have a relationship that is both trustworthy and fulfilling?? If you knew anything about D/s relationships, you would know that Trust is the cornerstone and foundation upon which the relationship is built.

 

I am also educated, an Oncology nurse, a mother and an advocate for disabled children. In the past, I have been a tireless volunteer for the Heart and Stroke Foundation, The Cancer Society and Adults with Brain Injuries. Yearly, I raise money for and participate in The Run for the Cure and The Dragonboat Race for Cancer. Do these things make it "okay" in your eyes for me to have a partner that is both committed and trustworthy?

 

I am a good person and frankly, I take great offense to your suggestion that I deserve what I got because of "what I am".

[Trimmer]

Yes, my profile is for real, yes I am a sex blogger and yes I am in a D/s relationship. Do these things negate my right to have a relationship that is both trustworthy and fulfilling?? If you knew anything about D/s relationships, you would know that Trust is the cornerstone and foundation upon which the relationship is built.

 

I am also educated, an Oncology nurse, a mother and an advocate for disabled children. In the past, I have been a tireless volunteer for the Heart and Stroke Foundation, The Cancer Society and Adults with Brain Injuries. Yearly, I raise money for and participate in The Run for the Cure and The Dragonboat Race for Cancer. Do these things make it "okay" in your eyes for me to have a partner that is both committed and trustworthy?

 

I am a good person and frankly, I take great offense to your suggestion that I deserve what I got because of "what I am".

I agree that an assumption that your D/s relationship answers all questions about this situation would be overly simplistic and presumptuous.

 

I don't know much about D/s relationships, so I ask with an open mind: do you think the D/s dynamic plays into this situation at all, or are the two pretty much separate? Is he pushing an envelope? Does he feel entitled as the "Dom?" Has a sense of entitlement and his position in the relationship dynamic led him astray from the mutual respect that you deserve?

 

Especially being an advocate for children, do you agree that having a baby at this point would be a very bad idea? I'll give you credit for intelligence, so I assume you know this, but I still have to say it: don't conceive a baby as a solution to a problem. Don't even allow the possibility until you are fully resolved long-term...

[Lucky_One]

If you knew anything about D/s relationships, you would know that Trust is the cornerstone and foundation upon which the relationship is built.

 

That 'trust' looks pretty well broken.

[a4a]

Yes, my profile is for real, yes I am a sex blogger and yes I am in a D/s relationship. Do these things negate my right to have a relationship that is both trustworthy and fulfilling?? If you knew anything about D/s relationships, you would know that Trust is the cornerstone and foundation upon which the relationship is built.

 

I am also educated, an Oncology nurse, a mother and an advocate for disabled children. In the past, I have been a tireless volunteer for the Heart and Stroke Foundation, The Cancer Society and Adults with Brain Injuries. Yearly, I raise money for and participate in The Run for the Cure and The Dragonboat Race for Cancer. Do these things make it "okay" in your eyes for me to have a partner that is both committed and trustworthy?

 

I am a good person and frankly, I take great offense to your suggestion that I deserve what I got because of "what I am".

 

I know satanist that give to Jerrys kids...... but so what.

 

You are in a world of open sex escapades.

You have only been with this man for 1 year (as for educated that can be just by the book because considering what he has done here and thinking of having a child with this man is not what a educated person would do).

 

How well do you know him? Really?

 

I am guessing you were a sex blogger sub when you met or did he show you this part of life?

 

You blog about sex live an alternative lifestyle (which doesn't phase me a bit - more power to you) but when do you think the person you share that with might push the envelope a bit further.

 

Sounds like a 3 some or open R is around the corner in his mind. I can imagine him thinking "so what is the big deal" we do live on the fringe of this lifestyle so why not dive in?

 

which is cool if both agree to it.

 

But keep in mind it is not like either of you haven't been toying around with sex outside your own personal relationship. So his actions are not shocking to most considering the background of the R.

[nittygritty]

Yes, my profile is for real, yes I am a sex blogger and yes I am in a D/s relationship. Do these things negate my right to have a relationship that is both trustworthy and fulfilling?? If you knew anything about D/s relationships, you would know that Trust is the cornerstone and foundation upon which the relationship is built.

 

Trust that he isn't having sex with his cousin and his wife? Or trust that he doesn't humiliate and/or intentionally hurt you? What is a D/s relationship lifestyle?

[Kaii]

I know satanist that give to Jerrys kids...... but so what.

 

I find that hard to believe. And if you socialize with Satanists, perhaps that speaks of your character.

 

You are in a world of open sex escapades.

 

I am?? I said I had a D/s relationship, not an open relationship.

 

How well do you know him? Really?

 

I am guessing you were a sex blogger sub when you met or did he show you this part of life?

 

I guess I don't know him as well as I thought I did. It makes me feel very sad and betrayed.

 

Yes, I was a sub sex blogger before I met him.

 

 

 

But keep in mind it is not like either of you haven't been toying around with sex outside your own personal relationship. So his actions are not shocking to most considering the background of the R.

 

I have never toyed around with sex outside our relationship, I'm not sure where you got that part.

 

So, you are saying that because we have a D/s relationship, that all bets are off for being able to trust your partner?

[Lucky_One]

I need help understanding, although you never pay attention to my thought out posts, so am not sure why I am bothering.

 

But what exactly is a "sub sex blogger", and is that how you met him?

[a4a]

I find that hard to believe. And if you socialize with Satanists, perhaps that speaks of your character.

 

 

 

I am?? I said I had a D/s relationship, not an open relationship.

 

 

 

I guess I don't know him as well as I thought I did. It makes me feel very sad and betrayed.

 

Yes, I was a sub sex blogger before I met him.

 

 

 

 

 

I have never toyed around with sex outside our relationship, I'm not sure where you got that part.

 

So, you are saying that because we have a D/s relationship, that all bets are off for being able to trust your partner?

 

You write a sex blog...... so that is outside the relationship.

 

No need to attack my character by saying I hang out with unsavory satanist..... my satanist friends are upstanding citizens!

 

The point is you participate in a industry that is chalk full of people that are willing to "experiment". So you situation is certainly less shocking since you willingly take part in a more open lifestyle. Not like you and your partner are just jane and bob doe that met at the company picnic and this suddenly reared its ugly head to your surprise.

 

I hate it when strippers complain to me that men hit on them.

[Kaii]

I need help understanding, although you never pay attention to my thought out posts, so am not sure why I am bothering.

 

But what exactly is a "sub sex blogger", and is that how you met him?

 

I'm sorry for not responding as I do appreciate your comments.

 

A "sub sex blogger" is two things....first off, a "sub" or submissive is someone who submits to their partner in some way. There are many different types of D/s relationships, some submit 24/7 and for some it is only during sex play. There is a lot written about the dynamics of a D/s relationship as it is a very complicated balance.

 

A "sex blogger" is someone who writes a weblog or "blog" for short. Just like a D/s relationship, a sex blog comes in many different forms. It can be informational (tips on sex, bj's, etc), it can be advice based, it can be fictional erotica or it can be a journal that the writer uses to talk about their own personal sex life and relationships.

[Kaii]

You write a sex blog...... so that is outside the relationship.

 

 

It is not "outside" my relationship as my sex blog is about my relationship with my BF. How can it be outside the relationship when it is about him? It is not a secret from him, as he always reads what I have posted.

[Lucky_One]

So what type of d/s R do you have? And what sort of sub sex blog do you write, and why do you write it?

[jnj express]

Hey kaii, you are getting off your thread here, why are you arguing with everybody, about other things, you are here for advise on your situation, that should be all you are discussing. IMHO you are very lucky, that you are not legally tied to this guy. Stop trying to have a child with him. I don't care how much you love him, he is not someone who you want to spend the rest of your life with. Look what you 2 are going thru right now and you are only living together. This guy is a "bad boy" big mouth player. Why would you put up with him. No decent guy would 1st disrespect his date, as he did, and 2nd mess around with someone else's wife. Even tho the wife sounds like a piece of work herself. All i can say is get away from this guy, sell the house, take your money and RUN. You stay with this guy you are in for lifelong misery, is that what you want for the rest of your life. Do not let him crawl back with apologies, remember this guy is a big headed egomaniac and he will stomp on your happiness.

[Island Girl]

Hey kaii, you are getting off your thread here, why are you arguing with everybody, about other things, you are here for advise on your situation, that should be all you are discussing. IMHO you are very lucky, that you are not legally tied to this guy. Stop trying to have a child with him. I don't care how much you love him, he is not someone who you want to spend the rest of your life with. Look what you 2 are going thru right now and you are only living together. This guy is a "bad boy" big mouth player. Why would you put up with him. No decent guy would 1st disrespect his date, as he did, and 2nd mess around with someone else's wife. Even tho the wife sounds like a piece of work herself. All i can say is get away from this guy, sell the house, take your money and RUN. You stay with this guy you are in for lifelong misery, is that what you want for the rest of your life. Do not let him crawl back with apologies, remember this guy is a big headed egomaniac and he will stomp on your happiness.

 

I completely agree with all of the above especially the bolded parts.

 

And for the record Kaii - I was one of the ones who agreed with you on that other thread.

 

I can not for the life of me figure out why you are continuing in a relationship with this poor excuse for a man.

 

You deserve better!

[TaraMaiden]

kaii, the third Buddhist precept is to abstain from sexual misconduct and to refrain form inappropriate behaviour.

This sexual agreement and relation you have with this man, is absolutely fine and completely appropriate PROVIDING IT IS DONE RESPECTFULLY WITH DIGNITY AND MUTUAL AGREEMENT.

 

It would not matter if you were into Sado-masochistic bondage sex with the full leather costumes and purpose-made dungeon, providing this is what you wanted, what he wanted and that you were both happy.

 

The problem arises when the relationship strays into disrespectful territory where one person feels their role is undermined, devalued and mocked or ridiculed.

This has happened.

Your sexual tendencies and preferences are quite separate from this issue.

In fact, they are irrelevant and should not be up for further discussion. Such conversations are probably best left to private messaging, as this is not the issue here. it is just smoke and mirrors....

Whatever sexual roles you have adopted, are part and parcel of your sexual lives.

he has moved the boundaries without your consent.

he is abusing the relationship, and has exceeded the limitations of your dynamic.

This is intolerable, and I really believe he cannot be trusted in any ways, any more.

For him to publicly humiliate you and assume behaviour is fine - even with your protest - is completely irregular, inappropriate and wrong.

[JeezLouise]

But if they have agreed to a dom/sub 24/7 like she was saying, then won't she be going against her master's wishes if she doesn't let him cheat or help him participate?

[Kaii]

I agree with a lot of what you are all saying....but, and there's always a "but" isn't there?

 

There are other "circumstances" involved in this relationship that make it difficult for me to throw in the towel and call it quits.

 

Having said that, I feel that you guys are probably right about him. Personally, I feel like he just doesn't get why I am angry about this whole episode. It's almost like he has no moral filter. It seems like anything goes with him. It really bothers me. I know that in all probability, this doesn't bode well for me in the future.

 

I have already been divorced before, as has he, and I guess I am reluctant to admit failure again, especially since both our children have already been through so much in our previous marriages. I feel like breaking up this relationship is just another upheaval for them. Our children sleep together in the same room and they call each other "sisters". It would just kill me to tear them apart from one another after all they have been through. Not to mention having to admit to my family/friends/coworkers that I have failed in another relationship, yet again. It's just so humiliating.

 

I really don't know what to do at this point. I feel like a failure. I know that I already feel more closed off emotionally with him since this argument. I feel so disrespected and almost like he didn't deserve the love and adoration I lavished on him. I really worshipped the ground he walked on.

 

I feel that the least destructive option (as far as the kids are concerned) is to go to counselling, which he is willing to go to.

 

I am so sad.

 

Thank you everyone for all your advice. I really do appreciate it.

[Chocolat]

I feel that the least destructive option (as far as the kids are concerned) is to go to counselling, which he is willing to go to.

 

There is nothing wrong with trying this. But put your plans for a child on hold until you are certain you can be happy with this man for a lifetime.

 

If it turns out that the r/s cannot be saved, then it is far better to leave than for your children to see you in a situation that is demoralizing and despiriting. You are teaching your children what to expect in their own relationships by what they see in yours.

[Mahatma]

then it is far better to leave than for your children to see you in a situation that is demoralizing and despiriting. You are teaching your children what to expect in their own relationships by what they see in yours.

 

I think this is very important. I think you should look at your very own parents and see if they had things like this. Was your mother submissive to your father?

 

If you show your children that THAT is what relationships is like (the guy can just do whatever he wants, even outside of what you like in the bedroom) then you're son will assume his roll is to completely rule the girls and your daughter will be walked on in her relationships also.

[TaraMaiden]

But if they have agreed to a dom/sub 24/7 like she was saying, then won't she be going against her master's wishes if she doesn't let him cheat or help him participate?

No. This is a very delicate balance to maintain, but as with a sado-masochistic, dominatrix situation, for example, there are appropriate times for when this dynamic takes place, and there are specific boundaries both parties are in agreement to not cross or abuse.

being a sub in a sexual relationship does not give the other party the right to disrepect the other person, as this is not a submissive situation. this is a disrespectful one.

The whole point should be that the parties concerned are "on the same page" and acting in a way agreeable to both. it is a mutually consented situation.

This clearly was not, he overstepped the boundaries, and behaved in a way she was not in agreement with.

This removes it from their agreed liaison, to one of abuse, however mild one considers it to be....

[Els]

Kaii, the people here said it was your issue and you were being paranoid, when you posted about him chatting with girls online. You said you did not want him to chat with ANY girls because you wanted him to get EVERYTHING from you. That is why most of us said it was your problem.

 

This is so totally different, it doesn't even compare. This is blatant disrespect and inappropriate behaviour on his part.

 

Also, let me say that I'm not bashing D/s, nor making presumptive judgements about it; I once mistakenly believed that that lifestyle was what I wanted too. However, your relationship is tenuous at best, this man doesn't even seem worthy of the trust of a FRIEND. Much less a gf, much less a sub, much less a wife and a child. Are you sure that you aren't getting yourself too tied up into something that you yourself are unsure of too fast; are you sure that you're not letting this go further than you would've had the D/s dynamic not been there?

 

My suggestion to you is: call off the plans on the child and marriage. Call off the D/s dynamic. Try to detach yourself enough to view this situation objectively. I would really advise breaking it off, but I know it isn't that easy.

[jnj express]

kaii---stop with the humiliation and failure reasoning, they are not reasons for you to live the rest of your life in pain and misery. Stop with the excuse of the kids, you owe his kid NOTHING, and kids are adaptable. Do you think your kid wants to see you miserable, and being cheated on again and again, by this player. Sure he will go to counseling to appease you, but it will not keep him from what he does and what he is. You know what he is, otherwise you wouldn't be here. You have 2 very simple choices here, either move on and find a decent loving man, or SPEND THE REST OF YOUR TIME WITH THIS PLAYER LIVING IN MISERY, for this is where your situation is at, and you know it. The only people you will be failing is yourself and your daughter if you stay with this slime.

[mental_traveller]

Yes, I am. I am actually engaged to him and we bought a house together. We are currently trying to have a baby.

 

I am kind of baffled right now. Sitting alone downstairs and baffled.

 

Call off the engagement immediately, and whatever you do, DON'T get pregnant by this guy.

[mental_traveller]

I have asked for advice here before and previously everyone said that I was acting like a psycho GF and that it was my issue and my low self esteem that was causing all these problems with my BF.

 

But now, I write about this little situation with him and his cousin's wife and now everyone says that my BF has no respect for me and that I should dump him. I don't understand why no one seemed to be on my side a few weeks ago when I asked for advice in a post called "He's sleeping on the couch tonight...". It was about him emailing/texting other women, one of whom he had been in a relationship with right before he met me.

 

It is very confusing.

 

Without even reading that thread I am willing to bet that not everyone said you were a psycho gf. Let me go and find the thread, then I will come back and tell you whether you were full of bull or not.