embersandenvelopes Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 I've kind of learned that the answer to any dating question is, "grow some balls and talk to her about it", but whatever. I'll ask anyways. haha So I'm 20, and up until recently I had never been on a date. In high school I really wasn't interested in dating, and in college I've been kind of a hermit; not really involved in campus activities. And being a computer science major, I don't really meet girls. To be honest, I was perfectly fine with being single and having not been on a date, I just figured a girl would come along some day, and I'd take my chance when it presented itself. So, I bumped into this girl around campus last week. We had met very briefly a couple times before, but I thought I'd ask her to study with me. Studying is very comfortable for me, and I knew if there's anyway I could be comfortable getting to know a girl, it would be in a library. It went very well, and she gave me her number and suggested we get together again. Since then we've really been inseparable, sometimes going on dates, and sometimes just hanging out. Now this is what I'm getting at: I really like her, and I would like to make the relationship exclusive, but I have this imagined ideal about the way things should go. As much as we've been hanging, and are attracted to each other, we haven't kissed or made any physical contact to speak of really. So there technically is not any difference between us and "friends" other than that we are romantically attracted to each other. It just seems like physical contact is a necessary step before getting involved in a committed relationship. The question is, why haven't we taken that step yet? And the answer is that I'm petrified by the idea of it. For as long as I can remember, when any person tried to hug me, or even put a hand on my shoulder (regardless of gender), i would get nervous and pull away. It's one of the more obvious properties of myself that people tend to notice. Being that this Girls cousin knows me, this girl knows that I have this fear of being touched, and is very respectful of it. This means that I have to make the first moves, something that seems mentally impossible. I'm worried though, because she is leaving for 3 months in about 11 days. I want to make sure things are settled before then. Ultimately I would like to take her on a nice date somewhere, and hope to kiss her for the first time, and ask her to be my Girlfriend (Exclusive partner), but I have no idea how to make that happen. Which brings me to two questions: What are good ways to make a first kiss as comfortable as possible? Do you think physical closeness is an essential step before becoming exclusive?
xpaperxcutx Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 If she's leaving for 3 months, I doubt she would want to have an exclusive ltr. You could give her a kiss and ask her, but why haven't you done this before? Don't waste anymore time.
spiracles Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 i was going to ask if you're sure the two of you aren't just friends, but now i'm thinking just do it. what's the worst that could happen?
Author embersandenvelopes Posted May 2, 2009 Author Posted May 2, 2009 If she's leaving for 3 months, I doubt she would want to have an exclusive ltr. You could give her a kiss and ask her, but why haven't you done this before? Don't waste anymore time. You may be right that we're wasting our time. but I'm as sure as you can be that she would say yes. She won't be so far that I can't visit, and she'll be coming right back. I don't see any harm in it.
Author embersandenvelopes Posted May 2, 2009 Author Posted May 2, 2009 i was going to ask if you're sure the two of you aren't just friends, but now i'm thinking just do it. what's the worst that could happen? I guess you're right. but yes I'm sure we're not just friends, we've talked about it.
Admiral Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 So: you've been dating for a week, and in two more weeks, she's leaving for 3 months, so you want to have an exclusive relationship with her? You haven't kissed her, you are friends. There's no relationship to make exclusive. She sees you as a friend because you haven't had the courage to make a move on her. My advice? You need to go out on a date with her, and kiss her. You'll find out if she is attracted to you, either way. Then forget about her while she is away for the 3 months and date other women.
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