fabulous_chk Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Yes I see now God why you took my love away...because you want me to straighten out my life and have a backbone. I see that when I was with that person I was not growing and progressing....I coasted along and became passive. Right now I'm in charge of my life, and You have given me soooo many blessings today - more than I deserved. I am grateful. There are still bumps in the road ahead but I will make it. Thank You! Thank You. My sadness is slowly falling away....I'm letting him go because he has to grow up too, like myself. He is young and confused, like myself. We both got comfortable and that retarded our personal growth...he grew restless, I became careless...people make mistakes and I do not blame him for all that happened. We are just not fit for each other. I hope he finds his perfect fit - I love him enough to want his happiness...he is a good person, but only human. He is so young. I want the best for him. I do not resent the break-up anymore. What I had with him was amazing. He knows this too. He still loves me, and I know this. Not romantic anymore, but it's still love....nothing will diminish what we had. This is why I found it hard to let go, because despite the hurt I went through I know him as a person and I know he is hurting like me, and is still attached to me emotionally. One doesn't just stop loving a person. But for both our sakes, for us to heal faster and move on ahead, I have to keep my distance and not contact him anymore. Eventually he will understand and thank me for not hanging around and dragging both of us down. I love you Steve and thank you for everything. I will not forget you.
hopesndreams Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 Ask God to bless Steve. Only ask once and it will be done.
Author fabulous_chk Posted May 2, 2009 Author Posted May 2, 2009 I ask God to clear his confusion...to stay away from women who will only break his heart. I do not like the woman he is with right now because she might hurt him. He has fallen for her in a big way (enough to leave a 4-year relationship with me) but I have this fear that she might influence him to become more unstable...I might have been the boring gf but at least while with me he had a stable life - he went back to school and finished college, paid off all his debt, quit smoking and had a semblance of a normal life. She's bisexual with an ex-bf hanging around and it seems like a messy situation. I'm praying for him to find his real happiness, not a destructive relationship that will only bring him down.
vessv6l Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 Hi Fabolous_chk you seem like a very caring and genuine person! I think you should really focus all your energy on yourself and improving your life, on moving forward and finding love youself. You shouldnt worry about steve and the women he may be with. He has his own lessons to learn as you have. The more energy you expend thinking about him the less you spend on yourself. In these times you should come first!
EmperorR Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 I ask God to clear his confusion...to stay away from women who will only break his heart. I do not like the woman he is with right now because she might hurt him. He has fallen for her in a big way (enough to leave a 4-year relationship with me) but I have this fear that she might influence him to become more unstable...I might have been the boring gf but at least while with me he had a stable life - he went back to school and finished college, paid off all his debt, quit smoking and had a semblance of a normal life. She's bisexual with an ex-bf hanging around and it seems like a messy situation. I'm praying for him to find his real happiness, not a destructive relationship that will only bring him down. You seem like a great person:), its always hard when you see someone you love care about with someone you know they can do better than.
Author fabulous_chk Posted May 2, 2009 Author Posted May 2, 2009 Steve came to my mind because I was blessed with so many things today. Before I thought I was being punished, begging God to give my love back to me...but I realized that I am not being punished but being guided to my own happiness. God has other plans for me. It made me feel so much better about the break-up. I know, I'm working on putting myself first. thanks vessv6l.
EmperorR Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 Steve came to my mind because I was blessed with so many things today. Before I thought I was being punished, begging God to give my love back to me...but I realized that I am not being punished but being guided to my own happiness. God has other plans for me. It made me feel so much better about the break-up. I know, I'm working on putting myself first. thanks vessv6l. that's great to hear:), you never know what God has in store for you next just that it will be better. One day you will look back and thank God for your unanswered prayers earlier on, I know I did.
Author fabulous_chk Posted May 2, 2009 Author Posted May 2, 2009 You seem like a great person:), its always hard when you see someone you love care about with someone you know they can do better than. Yes...it didn't make sense to me. Maybe he needed that kind of sexual thrill, i have no idea. To make matters worse the new gf thinks I'm hot. It seems to me a cheap sleazy affair and the Steve I knew - the one whose faith in God and miracles have made admire him so much - is not this Steve. I genuinely believe that he's going through a phase. And I'm sad I cannot be his friend like he asked me to be - I'm trying to heal myself. But I'm sure everything will be okay in the end. God has given me many miracles today - I feel so blessed and happy.
EmperorR Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 Yes...it didn't make sense to me. Maybe he needed that kind of sexual thrill, i have no idea. To make matters worse the new gf thinks I'm hot. It seems to me a cheap sleazy affair and the Steve I knew - the one whose faith in God and miracles have made admire him so much - is not this Steve. I genuinely believe that he's going through a phase. And I'm sad I cannot be his friend like he asked me to be - I'm trying to heal myself. But I'm sure everything will be okay in the end. God has given me many miracles today - I feel so blessed and happy. I know how it is all to well my ex fiance strong faith in God etc.., yet opened up her legs to a total stranger 3 times to a total stranger on a tirp to visit her sick grandparents that I paid for
9Lives Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 Yes I see now God why you took my love away...because you want me to straighten out my life and have a backbone. I see that when I was with that person I was not growing and progressing....I coasted along and became passive. Right now I'm in charge of my life, and You have given me soooo many blessings today - more than I deserved. I am grateful. There are still bumps in the road ahead but I will make it. Thank You! Thank You. My sadness is slowly falling away....I'm letting him go because he has to grow up too, like myself. He is young and confused, like myself. We both got comfortable and that retarded our personal growth...he grew restless, I became careless...people make mistakes and I do not blame him for all that happened. We are just not fit for each other. I hope he finds his perfect fit - I love him enough to want his happiness...he is a good person, but only human. He is so young. I want the best for him. I do not resent the break-up anymore. What I had with him was amazing. He knows this too. He still loves me, and I know this. Not romantic anymore, but it's still love....nothing will diminish what we had. This is why I found it hard to let go, because despite the hurt I went through I know him as a person and I know he is hurting like me, and is still attached to me emotionally. One doesn't just stop loving a person. But for both our sakes, for us to heal faster and move on ahead, I have to keep my distance and not contact him anymore. Eventually he will understand and thank me for not hanging around and dragging both of us down. I love you Steve and thank you for everything. I will not forget you. What a Almighty God. I am stronger today ONLY because of HIM ....I cannot lie. i tried everything..everything....for a long time....Nothing worked until I went to HIM It is still hard and I still have been praying to God to bring our love back together. I still believe in it cause it was good at one time. But I am let God lead the way toward reconsilation(I know I misspelled it). In the meantime, I am going to try to enjoy the other parts of my life that he has given me to enjoy. You are strong, you are doing well. I know everyday is not easy but you did the right thing of removing yourself out of his life. Let him be. I would not be his friend because it is self serving on his side. He just dont want to completely let go. But that is not what he deserves right now. I am impressed and totally agree with the way you are handling yourself. God bless
9Lives Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 I ask God to clear his confusion...to stay away from women who will only break his heart. I do not like the woman he is with right now because she might hurt him. He has fallen for her in a big way (enough to leave a 4-year relationship with me) but I have this fear that she might influence him to become more unstable...I might have been the boring gf but at least while with me he had a stable life - he went back to school and finished college, paid off all his debt, quit smoking and had a semblance of a normal life. She's bisexual with an ex-bf hanging around and it seems like a messy situation. I'm praying for him to find his real happiness, not a destructive relationship that will only bring him down. I think you care too much about his stupidity. You have no control over his life decisions. He made a decision....let him live with his decision...It is just that simply. YOu are not his savior and dont worry or try to be. Let him be a man and learn to walk in his shoes. Who cares about what he is doing now!! That is no longer your concern. This will help you move on even further.
Author fabulous_chk Posted May 2, 2009 Author Posted May 2, 2009 I think you care too much about his stupidity. You have no control over his life decisions. He made a decision....let him live with his decision...It is just that simply. YOu are not his savior and dont worry or try to be. Let him be a man and learn to walk in his shoes. Who cares about what he is doing now!! That is no longer your concern. This will help you move on even further. It's hard not to care. I remember the good and bad. I'm not entirely blameless, he thought I was cheating as well - he found out I had a crush on a boy at class (harmless crush, I didn't even know the guy's name.) I stood him up on Valentine's Day, I hurt him with careless words, telling him I'm only with him this year, that I love him because of his face, etc, etc. I just was so comfortable with him that I took everything for granted. He was seeking for reassurance, I didn't give it to him. He then found comfort in somebody's arms. Well...with all these in mind he is not a complete heartless cheater. He was so sorry, crying and devastated over what happened as well. He still emails me to spend time with him. But what we have is unfixable since he developed feelings for the OW who gave him comfort. I cannot wait for him...life is too fast, I don't want to lose my opportunity to have a better future, better life. I am happily single- I love going out and dancing and flirting harmlessly with men. I think about him but it's not holding me back living my own life. It's only because today is Saturday and things are slow that I think about stuff like this. Oh well, I'm going to the gym.
9Lives Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 It's hard not to care. I remember the good and bad. I'm not entirely blameless, he thought I was cheating as well - he found out I had a crush on a boy at class (harmless crush, I didn't even know the guy's name.) I stood him up on Valentine's Day, I hurt him with careless words, telling him I'm only with him this year, that I love him because of his face, etc, etc. I just was so comfortable with him that I took everything for granted. He was seeking for reassurance, I didn't give it to him. He then found comfort in somebody's arms. Well...with all these in mind he is not a complete heartless cheater. He was so sorry, crying and devastated over what happened as well. He still emails me to spend time with him. But what we have is unfixable since he developed feelings for the OW who gave him comfort. I cannot wait for him...life is too fast, I don't want to lose my opportunity to have a better future, better life. I am happily single- I love going out and dancing and flirting harmlessly with men. I think about him but it's not holding me back living my own life. It's only because today is Saturday and things are slow that I think about stuff like this. Oh well, I'm going to the gym. oooooooh...so basically, you did not treat him well and you lost him to another women....hmmm. Well....I dont know what to tell you. Maybe God is trying to teach you a lesson as well. I will be honest FAb....I dont feel sorry for people like you who take other people kindess and love for weakness. Love is not weak...Love is strong cause you have to deal with alot of emotional things. I am just keeping it real with you. He shouldnt have done it and he is wrong to cheat but you are wrong as well for taking him for granted.
Author fabulous_chk Posted May 3, 2009 Author Posted May 3, 2009 A break-up is rarely one person's fault. I would never blame him for everything that happened. It was a lesson learned, yes. I chose to go back to school- thinking he'd understand my ambitions, since I supported his finishing school. I took it for granted that he'd always be there...made jokes and didn't pick up the signals that there is something going on. I thought that after 4 years certain things need not be told. Oh well. It's okay. I'm not asking for pity. It's just another one of those stories. Life is funny.
9Lives Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 A break-up is rarely one person's fault. I would never blame him for everything that happened. It was a lesson learned, yes. I chose to go back to school- thinking he'd understand my ambitions, since I supported his finishing school. I took it for granted that he'd always be there...made jokes and didn't pick up the signals that there is something going on. I thought that after 4 years certain things need not be told. Oh well. It's okay. I'm not asking for pity. It's just another one of those stories. Life is funny. yeah life is funny. I cant judge anyone either. It does take two to tangle. I made several decisions that I shouldnt have. Your right, it is not just one sided. Im not speaking to my ex at this time and I miss him so so much but we both need to grow up. I can only speak for myself tho. I needed to change. I cant put God for a man ever. I need to change other moral decisions that wasnt right. I brought some things on myself. Now I have to deal with my own choices and he will have to do the same. He wasnt a angel by any means. I just keep praying about it and him and I keep going.
Author fabulous_chk Posted May 6, 2009 Author Posted May 6, 2009 Well the past few weeks I threw myself to the dating world and enjoyed it immensely. I met someone who I am falling fast for...I do not know if there's any chance of it coming to anything but it feels good to feel like this after having my heart broken by my ex. It's a signal that I have recovered and moved on. But like people say, the exes seem to know when you have already gotten over them. Today, his mom called me and told me to hang out at her house - she told me he stopped seeing the girl and that he loves me, that he's been trying to contact me thru texts (I blocked calls AND TEXTS, maybe he doesn't know). I said I cannot, that I have started seeing somebody (not true but I had to lie to stop her from saying these things). She asked me where I was and till what time - I said I was at school till 5pm. But I was really at a salon getting my hair done. She called me half an hour later (I didn't pick up, it went to my voicemail) telling me that my ex is at my school, that I should look for him IF I'M REALLY THERE. By this time I was at the gym, stressed out and punishing my body. He has no respect for me. It hurts. He is even using his mom to get to me. I was his best friend. I was not his whore. Does he think I'm his spare tire, that he can crook his finger and I will come running? I do not wish any friendship from him anymore. The way he bounces from me to her to me shows how shallow his love is. I do not want any part of it. What I want now is a chance with the new guy. I had no idea it was possible to ever feel like this again. Barely 2 months after my break-up with the ex, here I am again feeling butterflies in my stomach. It's wonderful.
Author fabulous_chk Posted May 7, 2009 Author Posted May 7, 2009 I dreamt about the new guy. Thank God.
Author fabulous_chk Posted May 7, 2009 Author Posted May 7, 2009 I hold so much anger right now - all directed towards the ex- for ruining my day. I should block his mom's phone too. But I cannot she is too nice and she loves me. He belongs in the past, that's where he should stay. I hate him for disturbing my peace.
Author fabulous_chk Posted May 8, 2009 Author Posted May 8, 2009 stupid me for unblocking his number -he called when i was half-asleep and i picked up. i told him that i do not want friendship and i want total nc forever. he was shocked. put him on blocked again. i will do the same thing to his mom but i will tell her first. this episode of my life is over.
9Lives Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 stupid me for unblocking his number -he called when i was half-asleep and i picked up. i told him that i do not want friendship and i want total nc forever. he was shocked. put him on blocked again. i will do the same thing to his mom but i will tell her first. this episode of my life is over. Well I talk to my ex today and I do feel better. I feel like I can move on now. Right now is not the time for you to talk to him and when it is time you wiill know. NC is very hard but it is good but it does a come to a point when you have to air out your laundry. I want to move forward with my life and I feel relieved.
Author fabulous_chk Posted May 8, 2009 Author Posted May 8, 2009 Him breaking the NC over and over and over again is not allowing me to move on - we have talked already and there is no resolution or closure, just more mess. NC is the closure! He is desperate for attention and love but i cannot give it to him. he will use me i know it. and i will allow myself to be used. then i will be discarded. i have fallen for somebody else. i belong to the future, not the past.
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