Nikki Sahagin Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Brought up and raised on fairy tales, chick flicks and Romeo and Juliet.....I think most of us, at least to begin with, aspire to have these 'kinds of relationships'. Crazy, intense, passionate, they come to us, little or no problems. But I guess there's a reason why the fairy tales always end with 'and they lived happily ever after' because it was the chase that the 'exciting' part worthy of writing about, not the end result. Do you think we all expect just a little too much? We have some unrealistic expectations? Or do you think it is completely possible, if not to have a storybook kind of love, then to have something pretty darn close? Do you have any expectations you have are too high? Or do you think it can be a positive thing to have such high standards?
kizik Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Yes, we expect too much, but that's not even the root of the problem. The problem is that American society (which is the only society I can speak for) teaches us from a very young age that being in a relationship is very, very important and that if you are not in a relationship, there is something wrong with you. I completely reject that message, as a single, successful, happy person. People just use each other and throw each other away like f*cking tampons, and I'll die before I ever get treated that way again.
Trialbyfire Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Brought up and raised on fairy tales, chick flicks and Romeo and Juliet.....I think most of us, at least to begin with, aspire to have these 'kinds of relationships'. Crazy, intense, passionate, they come to us, little or no problems. But I guess there's a reason why the fairy tales always end with 'and they lived happily ever after' because it was the chase that the 'exciting' part worthy of writing about, not the end result. Do you think we all expect just a little too much? We have some unrealistic expectations? Or do you think it is completely possible, if not to have a storybook kind of love, then to have something pretty darn close? Do you have any expectations you have are too high? Or do you think it can be a positive thing to have such high standards?I've got impossible standards, never having to settle once in my life. And I've got someone who meets and exceeds them, so no, I don't believe my expectations are unrealistic!
Lizzie60 Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 I totally agree with Kizik. I think the problem is that it IS very unrealistic to think that it will be a 'fairy tail' (pun intended).. It will... but it will last only the time the 'honeymoon' lasts.. then, once the passion has evaporated.. it's no longer the fairy tale we once believed it would be.. then problems start.. and the relationship becomes very friable.. I just can't get my head around the idea that being 'in a relationship' is a must for happiness..
OpenBook Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 once the passion has evaporated.. it's no longer the fairy tale we once believed it would be.. then problems start.. and the relationship becomes very friable.. :lmao: Love it, Lizzie!! A new word. Awesome!! And I agree with you and kizik. A LTR is a LOT of hard work, once the initial heat fades. You have to have a high tolerance for the other person's not-so-attractive qualities, or else it will never work. And it's all too easy to raise those expectations up to impossible heights during the initial stages. In the end, the most important factor to making it work over the long haul is the two people's ability to tolerate each other and be nice to each other - even when they can't stand each other. And that means lowering one's expectations. Way down.
Tony T Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Brought up and raised on fairy tales, chick flicks and Romeo and Juliet.....I think most of us, at least to begin with, aspire to have these 'kinds of relationships'. Crazy, intense, passionate, they come to us, little or no problems. But I guess there's a reason why the fairy tales always end with 'and they lived happily ever after' because it was the chase that the 'exciting' part worthy of writing about, not the end result. Do you think we all expect just a little too much? We have some unrealistic expectations? Or do you think it is completely possible, if not to have a storybook kind of love, then to have something pretty darn close? Do you have any expectations you have are too high? Or do you think it can be a positive thing to have such high standards? Anything is possible, of course, but I think most relationships settle into a pretty predictable pattern. If that pattern is loving, comfortable, stable and secure, then the parties are getting exactly what relationships are designed to give over the long term. If there is a spattering of passion and fireworks there after a period of time, that's a bonus. Where evolution is concerned, we were biologically programmed to get excited initially for purposes of procreation. Once that takes place, nature pretty much abandons us and doesn't give a shxt. The rest is left to us and the divorce courts. Nature sucks!
Woggle Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 People today have been brainwashed by too many movies. They expect some perfection that doesn't exist. Not saying that people should settle for mediocre but if people accepted the fact that nothing in life including relationships is a 24/7 they would be much happier.
anne1707 Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 I think unfortunately too many do expect too much. They have this ideal image of how a relationship should be. All perfect, exciting, rewarding, never a cross word, no raised voices, with no compromise whatsoever it seems on their expectations. Whilst this may be achievable in the short-term, it is just not possible in the long-term. The realities of a long-term relationship (and I do mean more than even just a few years) are that there will be times when you really do think "what am I doing here". There will be arguments - and these will be far more intense than arguments you have had with anyone else because your partner knows all those buttons to press (and vice versa). To imagine it will all remain in this perfect place is just naive. The truth of all this though is that the real life relationship is far more rewarding than the dream. When you still want to be with that person even when they are driving you crazy then you know it is real love, not some fantasy. Real love is also about forgiving mistakes (and I know I have made more than my share) yet some seem to talk about some things being "dealbreakers" when I would not even consider getting upset about them.
TaraMaiden Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 No, we do not all expect too much from relationships. We all expect too much from each other.
Trialbyfire Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 If you expect that your relationship will fail, it will...guaranteed! If you can't fight in a respectful and dignified fashion, you're asking for it. If you don't believe that your SO is the best thing since sliced bread, you've settled and when you do, expect it to fail.
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