Trying to deal with the loss

[metro]

(This is long..thanks for taking the time to read) My relationship started 2.5 years ago & just like most...the beginnings are great & everyone is in love..I work at home but my schedule is extremely busy at home but of course I'm gonna make time for my someone special.as things progressed only 3 months after dating I threw it out there that at the end of both of our leases (which was a year away) we should think about moving in together.she said she doesn't want to do that with anyone unless she was engaged due to religious reasons. I respected that but I did challenge if it's for religious reasons..then why have pre-marital sex & she replys.."I like having sex" so to me it was just a pick & choose your sins..I probably would have respected more of an answer like "I don't want to live a boyfriend unless we are engaged because it makes me feel more secure" (later this whole thing comes to bite me back). Nonetheless I still respected her wishes because I was falling for her so hard that if that's the way she wanted to do it,I had no problem with that..not a big deal to me..I was just a lil more sensitive when people throw religion as a reason when they are only playing half of the religious rules..any way moving on..our relationship progresses smoothly & months down the line she approaches me about moving in together because she was ready to buy a house & she didn't want to buy something that just fits her needs & since I have a big music studio in my place..she suggest.."let's find a place big enough for the both of us" so we did & literally 9 months after our first date, were in an expensive home. Even though we shacked up together..our mortgage split in half was high enough to still equal both of us liveing alone..so no money saved there..everything is still going smooth as we are a new couple having fun in our new home..the biggest problems that we begin to face is my demanding schedule in my studio & the fact that we don't get to go out as much & when we do we use money out of our joint account which she has a problem with because she feels like we are going dutch & she always wants the date money to come out of my pocket because she has old fashion values that the man should treat..all this time I am trying to put away cash to buy her a ring but with our expensive mortgage & her need to be wined & dined & take trips & spend money like there is no tommorrow..it gets difficult to save fast enough. So because I don't spend money as freely because I was saving hardcore..(In Her Head) she begins to get the impression that I'm cheap & don't like to go out as much,which was not the case. I knew that she didn't want to live with a boyfriend without being engaged & that became my priority..my mistake I guess was not informing her on what I was doing because I was naive to think that I was in a great relationship with a partner who is down for you no matter what & one day out of nowhere I would propose to her..all the while she is waiting day by day to be proposed to..we only lived together for 1.5 years..I can understand living together for 3 yrs & being frustrated but if it took me 1.5 yrs to scrape up a couple of grand than that's just how long it took. In the middle of all of this my mom gets too involved with this relationship trying to make my girlfriend her business partner too soon which makes my g/f uncomfortable during the relationship. no skipping to the endour last few months together.several things in my studio started going bad one after another which caused me to keep spending money to replace everything to keep it going..this is where I make my living. plus our relationship may have gotten into a comfortable boring routine but on Valentine's day we were supposed to go out of town & I was finally gonna propose but I caught the nastiest cold in years & we had to postpone it. now I have several bank accounts one that is out of town that takes close to a week to put money in & take money back out which is where the majority of my savings were for the ring but my immediate bank account at this particular time after all of the replacement of gear that has gone wrong in my studio I was down to $350.00 bucks & right at that time my mom had an emergency that I had to cover her $300. so I'm down to 50 bucks..my g/f starts thinking to herself (is that all this guy has to his name) so at the end of Feb she decided we need to talk about where I relationship was heading & the fact that she needs to go out to restaraunts at least 3 or 4 times a weeks & that if money is tight with me I should consider working pt at Mcdonalds..Now I'm a DJ that used to gig on the weekends all of the time but in this serious relationship I cut that out willingly so I'm available since my schedule is busy in my studio..she knew who I was from the beginning,she knew how much I made,she knew my lifestyle & now all of a sudden we are incompatible. I feel she cornered with me about mcdonalds because she was dead serious..she would rather I work there to make money than to dj gigs..how insulting to me since that has been my profession for over 20 yrs..this fatal talk happened before we could reschedule our Valentine Day weekend in which I was going to propose but instead she decided we were just too incompatable & we should end the relationship..so immediately I went into finding a new place but since it's hard to find a home to place my studio I gave myself a move out date of May 1 so the last two months living together & not being a loving couple has been heartwrenching & as of the last month I have seen evidence that she has now moved on to someone new before I made it out the house..of course she won't say anything in which we don't talk much anyway unless it's about the business of breaking up & transferring bills into her name..I eat it up because I don't to come across like the painful whimp..she knows this is hurting me & the only thing she feels bad for is that this is hurting & she claims she stays out of the house to give me space but I know she is already sexually active with someone new..what a horrible experience to go through so I saved up money only to end up getting a new place..so I am trying to deal with this heartache of losing my woman to another..even though I have been doing right by her. (sorry so long but it felt good to let all of this out)