What makes a guy a ladies man? Is it more about looks or confidence?

[Brady_to_Moss]

I notice that there are a few select guys that have girls always contacting them and calling them..sending them dirty messages and what not and i was wondering..what makes a guy become a ladies man? I know a guy where he doesnt have to do a thing and girls will just contact him. He doesnt have to look for dates or nothing. My opinion is that is has to do with looks more than anything. Confidence is big as well but is being a ladies man all about the looks?

[eBaum]

Yeah I believe looks is the main reason to be contacted by girls. Been on my mind for a very long time now and I feel depressed about it ,but those things don't last they will end up breaking up sooner or later like when he gets ugly or something ,but there is also a possibility they will be happy together which will make them really lucky.

 

I also believe something else though... handsome men or beautiful girls because of their personality end up good looking. I know it sounds weird but it could be that or they developed that personality because of their looks. Its really hard to explain lol... and irrational.

[amerikajin]

I notice that there are a few select guys that have girls always contacting them and calling them..sending them dirty messages and what not and i was wondering..what makes a guy become a ladies man? I know a guy where he doesnt have to do a thing and girls will just contact him. He doesnt have to look for dates or nothing. My opinion is that is has to do with looks more than anything. Confidence is big as well but is being a ladies man all about the looks?

 

I think it's the other way around. In my experience, certainly, good looks don't hurt and I think women have to be at least somewhat attracted physically to a guy before they'll sleep with them. But generally, I have found that women are far more turned on by charisma or even just plain old quiet confidence than anything else. Guys don't have to be GQ handsome because women take a lot of things into consideration when they're judging looks. A guy has to look, feel and be masculine -- it's masculinity that drives female attraction. Being masculine doesn't necessarily mean being a big, buffed up bad-ass like Chuck Liddell, either; it just means he has to look, act, walk, talk and resemble a 'dude'. He's gotta be a man.

 

It took me a long, long time to figure all of this out. Figure out now, and go out and get laid -- and thank me the morning after.

 

That explains why guys who tend to be really overly friendly with girls (aka 'nice guys) almost never get laid. They're masculine on the outside, but girls are turned off by their metro-sexual behavior. Girls might complain on their friend's shoulder about how their boyfriend watches football, drinks beer with his buddies, and things like that, but she'll keep f*cking that guy long before she even thinks about having sex with her guy 'friend', who keeps getting friend-zoned.

[amerikajin]

Yeah I believe looks is the main reason to be contacted by girls.

 

Nope. Not it at all.

 

Women are rather forgiving of average looks. That's not to say that they don't appreciate a muscular dude with broad shoulders and killer abs -- they do just as we appreciate big boobs and an ass. But however unfair it is to women, the reality is, an average guy is much more likely to get away with average looks than an average-looking woman. I've seen moderately or frankly not all that attractive men pull rather attractive females; conversely, I've also seen relatively attractive men not pull women because they didn't have the charisma to do it. I've seen this way too often to believe otherwise. I'm sure alphamale and others would back me up on this.

 

If I may, I'm guessing you're somewhat young, right? In your twenties perhaps? When I was in my 20s I didn't know sh*t about women. Whenever I scored, it was because I got lucky, became aware that I had something going on, and went with the moment. But there were so many occasions when I messed things up with women who were attracted to me initially. I would get leads but I just didn't know how to close the sale. I lacked confidence in myself and it was obvious. My advances were usually half-hearted, and lacked self-assurance. I would get numbers but frequently got the 'Sorry I'm busy' responses to requests for dates. With lots of time, practice and experience, I finally figured women out. But it took me a long time. What I had to learn was that a man has to act, look, walk, talk and feel like a man. That's what it all comes down to. You don't have to be funny -- in fact I was often known as the class clown/comical type of guy and that didn't help me at all when I was trying to set up dates. I can make women laugh now but that's not how I would come on to them these days (I'm spoken for so I can't do that now, but just saying that if I were single...). Anyway, that's what you have to learn. It's all about just relaxing and being a dude. Being comfortable in your own skin. My guess is that the player dudes you see are probably somewhat attractive, somewhat intelligent, somewhat funny, somewhat able to carry a conversation, but they're not extraordinary. They're just confident and manly. That's what all men have to be.

[Citizen Drawn]

experience

[Shock Me Sane]

I agree with amerikajin.

 

In order of importance, I think the factors that play into being a ladies' man are:

 

1. Charisma

2. Masculinity

3. Confidence

4. Experience

5. Looks

 

And any average man can appear ten times more attractive if he has the first four down to an art.

[WineCountry]

As a woman, i'm going to tell you that you can have charisma, confidence, intellect, walk around sucking beers and grabbing your berries and watching football all you want.

 

If you dont have the looks; forget it. And let me say that I'm not condoning that, but it's reality. Try having all that charisma and confidence and being butt-ugly. Arent there lots of people that no matter how nice, kind, sweet, or masculine, confident(if ur a woman) they are, you will NOT get with them because you dont find them attractive? If personality was ALL it took, hey we would ALL be set.

 

I work in a male dominated occupation. The guys with the most women drooling all over them are hot. Hands down. Now, it's TRUE that attitude and confidence works for you. I dont like mousey men either. BUT..if all things are EQUAL..the guy with the looks is gonna win out. I would say looks NEVER goes to the bottom of the list in terms of what women, or men, look for.

 

Here is my opinion base on what i see;

 

1. Looks--gets you in the door in the first place..she cant appreciate all your charisma, can she, if she wont even talk to you. If you are lacking in number one a bit, number two kicks in below....

 

2. Occupation---I know guys who because of the job they have, pull women. (think of men in uniform..cops, etc) Jobs like that get you women guys might not have been able to. In addition to occupation, I'm going to add money in here. Because we have all seen what people do for money. Think Anna Nicole Simpson marrying that 85 year old dude with all the millions. Think it was for his charisma and confidence? LOL

No, im NOT saying that all women are about money..certainly not..but...that DOES get you women hanging all over you. Some women ARE like that. I cant lie.

 

So, though I DO agree that how you carry yourself is huge, unfortunately looks does play a huge part in having the opposite sex drool over you.

Not necessarily who you settle down with, but it drives how much ATTENTION you get.

 

I mean, take me. I guess im just regarded as decent looking. I'm NOT a 10, but decent looking, averagely attractive. I can be as funny and charming and sweet as i want, but i will NEVER pull the amount of men that hot women can. It just will NEVER happen. And sure, both men and women know deep inside that its whats inside a person that counts. And men and women all will eventually select a spouse that may not be the hottest person in the world, but because he/she is a good person, and makes them feel good inside. That is true.

 

But that STILL doesnt change the fact that the best looking people will ALWAYS have guys/women banging down their doors. Even if you got guys who arent all that with women all over them, check down the hall with the guy who IS all that and see what he has.

 

Such is life i guess.

 

And let me edit this to say that yes, average guys CAN up their ladies man effect by being masculine, confident, etc...but i bet you they are NOT "elephant-man" looking men ANYWAY. Maybe not 10's but they have SOME looks. That's why i say looks still is a big factor to people.

[WineCountry]

All that being said above, for ME, the BEST men in my life have been just "decent looking", average men. NOT some hot stud looking thing. For ME personally, I dont find myself all that hot over those types of guys. I have been the MOST attracted to "average" men. And no, those average men were never ladies men, because they didnt fit the criteria. But, for ME, they did. Give me a guy who is "cute", with a sense of humor, and im good.

[runner]

i think you gotta have both; women love a groomed man with a sense of style, and a man who knows what he wants and how to get it. i'm not sure one would work so well without the other in terms of being a 'lady's man'.

 

amerikajin makes some great points that i couldn't say better myself. all i could add to that is, IME, women want a man who makes them feel like a woman.

[somedude81]

How funny as I'm writing this post, Weezer - Perfect situation just started playing.

 

What's the deal with my brain?

Why am I so obviously insane?

In a perfect situation

I lead love down the drain.

There's the pitch, slow and straight.

All I have to do is swing

and I'm a hero, but I'm a zero.

Hungry nights, once again

Now it's getting unbelievable.

'Cause I could not have it better,

But I just can't get no play

From the girls, all around

As they search the night for someone to hold onto.

And just pass through...

 

singing...

ooooooh oh. Ooohhhhh oh. oh Ooohhh oohh.

Singing...

ooooooh oh. Ooohhhhh oh. oh Ooohhh oohh.

 

Get your hands off the girl,

Can't you see that she belongs to me?

And I don't appreciate this excess company.

Though I can't satisfy all the needs she has

And so she starts to wander...

Can you blame her?

 

singing...

oooooooh oh. Ooohhhhh oh. oh Ooohhh oohh.

Singing...

oooooooh oh. Ooohhhhh oh. oh Ooohhh oohh.

 

Tell me there's a logic out there.

Leading me to better prepare

For the day that something really special might come.

Tell me there's some hope for me.

I don't wanna be lonely

For the rest of my days on the earth.

It's like my freaking theme song...

 

I think it's the other way around. In my experience, certainly, good looks don't hurt and I think women have to be at least somewhat attracted physically to a guy before they'll sleep with them. But generally, I have found that women are far more turned on by charisma or even just plain old quiet confidence than anything else. Guys don't have to be GQ handsome because women take a lot of things into consideration when they're judging looks. A guy has to look, feel and be masculine -- it's masculinity that drives female attraction. Being masculine doesn't necessarily mean being a big, buffed up bad-ass like Chuck Liddell, either; it just means he has to look, act, walk, talk and resemble a 'dude'. He's gotta be a man.

 

That explains why guys who tend to be really overly friendly with girls (aka 'nice guys) almost never get laid. They're masculine on the outside, but girls are turned off by their metro-sexual behavior. Girls might complain on their friend's shoulder about how their boyfriend watches football, drinks beer with his buddies, and things like that, but she'll keep f*cking that guy long before she even thinks about having sex with her guy 'friend', who keeps getting friend-zoned.

How do you become masculine? I'm 27 and I still haven't figured it out. I'm so f-ing sick of being the guy friend.

 

Nope. Not it at all.

What I had to learn was that a man has to act, look, walk, talk and feel like a man. That's what it all comes down to....

It's all about just relaxing and being a dude. Being comfortable in your own skin. My guess is that the player dudes you see are probably somewhat attractive, somewhat intelligent, somewhat funny, somewhat able to carry a conversation, but they're not extraordinary. They're just confident and manly. That's what all men have to be.

OK two questions. How can you be a man and not feel like one? Obviously I don't feel like a man since I get no interest from women at all but I have no idea what I'm doing wrong. I don't know what to change.

 

I've heard the phrase "Being comfortable in your own skin" several times, but it doesn't make any sense. I have no idea what to make of it.

[WTRanger]

handsome men or beautiful girls because of their personality end up good looking. I know it sounds weird but it could be that or they developed that personality because of their looks.

 

I think its the exact opposite. Most really good looking people have the personality of a steaming turd on a hot sidewalk. Just watch a few hours of "The Hills" or "My Super Sweet Sixteen" or heck even the "Tough Love" series. Oh can you can't forget "Tool Academy."

 

Most people if they are good looking now and have a great personality, they were once considered average or ugly in high school or junior high or at some point in their young life. Either they had thick glasses, wore braces for what seemed like forever, or had really bad acne. Now that they've mature into their body, the personality that was formed in the cruelty of the junior high high school years, makes them that much more beautiful.

 

I have found that if someone has been good looking their entire life, they are so used to people pandering over them that it's almost hard to develop a decent personality. How can you know what it feels like to struggle or to work at something when people are throwing themselves at your feet?

 

The best way to appear more masculine, is to just work on your confidence. Walk upright, like you own the f'n place.

[WineCountry]

I think its the exact opposite. Most really good looking people have the personality of a steaming turd on a hot sidewalk. Just watch a few hours of "The Hills" or "My Super Sweet Sixteen" or heck even the "Tough Love" series. Oh can you can't forget "Tool Academy."

 

Most people if they are good looking now and have a great personality, they were once considered average or ugly in high school or junior high or at some point in their young life. Either they had thick glasses, wore braces for what seemed like forever, or had really bad acne. Now that they've mature into their body, the personality that was formed in the cruelty of the junior high high school years, makes them that much more beautiful.

 

I have found that if someone has been good looking their entire life, they are so used to people pandering over them that it's almost hard to develop a decent personality. How can you know what it feels like to struggle or to work at something when people are throwing themselves at your feet> Quote

 

 

I agree with that 100 percent.

[amerikajin]

How do you become masculine? I'm 27 and I still haven't figured it out. I'm so f-ing sick of being the guy friend.

 

Well, being masculine isn't the *only* criterion that women consider, but I think it's the first and most important judgment that women make about men on a subconscious level. Women also judge whether or man is socially acceptable, healthy, and so forth. But from my experience, when I look back on my own interaction with women, I can tell you that looks aren't all that. I'm not being vain, but I've been told repeatedly by women since I was in my late teens and early 20s that I was cute, and eventually, after I started working out more and my frame began to fill out, I noticed looks on a fairly regular basis. That's not to say all women find me attractive, but many do. I can tell you that my appearance by itself did nothing for me.

 

Looking back, I know why: I was too friendly with women. I used to have girl friends but never any girlfriends. Women will enjoy the company of good guy friends, but most of the time, they see those friends as harmless types who won't make advances on them. They're safe. They're friend zoned. That's what I was, and that's what the OP is now. I think what turns women off to guy friends is that they see them as just one of the girls, in the same way that some tomboys are just one of the guys -- people who are cool but not people you'd f*ck unless you were drunk, depressed and desperate. And then one person would regret it the next morning, and the other person would get disappointed by being led on. That's what's going through girls minds when they hang out with people like the OP. Women don't want to think of getting rammed by someone who's just one of the girls; they want to get jack hammered by someone who's more distant at first, someone who's in the man-zone, not the girl friend zone.

 

I've heard the phrase "Being comfortable in your own skin" several times, but it doesn't make any sense. I have no idea what to make of it.

 

As it applies to women, being comfortable in your own skin means thinking, saying and doing pretty much what you want and not caring about the reactions of women in your presence. If you have to stop and think before you say something and wonder "Hmmm, I'd better not say that because I might turn her off" then you're not comfortable in your own skin. She'll pick up on that, too, because women just have a radar for these things. There are other examples, but the short of it is, be your own man. That's the essence of being a man.

[somedude81]

Thanks for trying to clear that up.

 

Well, being masculine isn't the *only* criterion that women consider, but I think it's the first and most important judgment that women make about men on a subconscious level. Women also judge whether or man is socially acceptable, healthy, and so forth.

I know those are the basic requirements and I have those.

 

Looking back, I know why: I was too friendly with women. I used to have girl friends but never any girlfriends. Women will enjoy the company of good guy friends, but most of the time, they see those friends as harmless types who won't make advances on them. They're safe. They're friend zoned. That's what I was, and that's what the OP is now. I think what turns women off to guy friends is that they see them as just one of the girls, in the same way that some tomboys are just one of the guys -- people who are cool but not people you'd f*ck unless you were drunk, depressed and desperate. And then one person would regret it the next morning, and the other person would get disappointed by being led on. That's what's going through girls minds when they hang out with people like the OP. Women don't want to think of getting rammed by someone who's just one of the girls; they want to get jack hammered by someone who's more distant at first, someone who's in the man-zone, not the girl friend zone.

I have been called too nice on several occasions by different girls. I am working on trying to do that. I'm putting in effort to be a little meaner without looking fake. It's becoming easier.

 

I know exactly what you mean by being scene "as one of the girls." I think it's completely absurd that a man can be seen as one of the girls if he isn't gay. I don't act feminine at all. Is that fact that I get along with girls my downfall? The absolute thing I want to happen is be seen as less than a man. How can I prevent that? I don't want to be seen as harmless or dangerous. What is the balance?

As it applies to women, being comfortable in your own skin means thinking, saying and doing pretty much what you want and not caring about the reactions of women in your presence. If you have to stop and think before you say something and wonder "Hmmm, I'd better not say that because I might turn her off" then you're not comfortable in your own skin. She'll pick up on that, too, because women just have a radar for these things. There are other examples, but the short of it is, be your own man. That's the essence of being a man.

That makes sense, though I do think the choice of words is odds. I think it's easier to just say, not caring what other people think and doing what you want.

[Trialbyfire]

High demand men are package deals. Also, the term "high demand" is subjective.

 

I disagree that it has to do with being too friendly. You can be friendly but flirtatious. If you're only being friendly, giving off no sexual edge, you're going to get friend-zoned. By edge, I don't mean bad boy or PUA tactics of insulting and denigrating or over-the-top flattery. Total turn-offs.

[Phateless]

I notice that there are a few select guys that have girls always contacting them and calling them..sending them dirty messages and what not and i was wondering..what makes a guy become a ladies man? I know a guy where he doesnt have to do a thing and girls will just contact him. He doesnt have to look for dates or nothing. My opinion is that is has to do with looks more than anything. Confidence is big as well but is being a ladies man all about the looks?

 

-confidence

-charisma

-excitement

-humor

-social proof (it is what it sounds like. if it doesn't make sense, google it)

-looks

-independence

 

It's a little different for every girl, but there are common themes of what women DON'T want.

 

-needy

-insecure

-unclean

-etc etc

[on_point]

I notice that there are a few select guys that have girls always contacting them and calling them..sending them dirty messages and what not and i was wondering..what makes a guy become a ladies man? I know a guy where he doesnt have to do a thing and girls will just contact him. He doesnt have to look for dates or nothing. My opinion is that is has to do with looks more than anything. Confidence is big as well but is being a ladies man all about the looks?

 

okay, first take a look at this man:

http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2007/03_02/hefnerG150307_468x544.jpg

 

Is he good looking to you? Hugh Hefner has probably had the most three, four, fivesomes in history!

 

IMO it comes down to who you are.

How much VALUE do you have as a person..

 

A good looking guy has little value to women.

 

But fame, money, power, and social status does.

 

I think if a man displays these things, he has women draped all over him.

 

I've learned that you could be the smartest, funniest, coolest, and richest man in the world, and if you don't express it, its worthless when it comes to women.

 

I would say looks comes in last place, however, if you're not displaying any other type of value (fame,money,power) then obviously the attraction will be determined by your looks.

[subdued]

I don't like Hugh Hefner. A guy with a whole bunch of girls draped over him is a real big turn off. Notice that those girls in the pic do not look like they are "with" him. They are there to get noticed. They are looking for fame, money,...

 

Many girls are attracted to guys who can support them, protect them, ... They are attracted to the following characteristics as indications that he can do so:

 

In shape and has some muscle from working out in the gym.

Takes initiative.

Has confidence.

Has money.

Is tall.

Is of bigger build than she is.

...

 

Yes. The nice guy is often overlooked, because he doesn't take initiative. He is not going to stand up for his woman when his woman wants him to.

 

However, all is not lost. Very successful women can usually take care of themselves. They don't need a guy to stand up for them. They may still go for the protector, but some of them often go for the nice guy.

 

BTW, my current boyfriend falls into the nice guy category.

[JLee26]

Men, hmm when i think of someone yummy i dont know that it is looks that are the first in my head.

 

I like confindence - you know the kind of guy that can walk into a room alone and be completely sure of himself.

 

The smile- yes one of the most beautiful parts of a man, that 500 watt beautiful smile, i am convinced that a beautiful smile magnifies confidence.

 

Strength- i like it when they have some muscle (not beef cake) just nice toned muscles, it lets you know he takes care of himself. Plus i can imagine he could "toss" me around a bit if you know what i mean *wink *wink

 

There are some many other things, a guy that can laugh, and brush off a bad situatioin, carefree but passionate, ohhh yes i alomst forgot passionate.

 

...ok must stop, getting hot thinking about it....ahhhhhhhh.....

 

Passion- if you aint got it, dont bother trying. its gotta be there, that underlying thing that men do that get us all hot and bothered. its the eyes, the swagger, the package deal. And if you got it you know it.

 

Thats the man whos phone rings.

[robinincarolina]

There is nothing sexier than a confident man who carries himself well. Wit and humor are great attributes as well. A man that can make you feel good about yourself. Looks are a nice plus, but I have met many a man that I did not think was all that until I got to know them, then wow. Knocked my socks off. A man who knows how to flirt and build chemisty. Playful. My guy is attractive yes, but the more I get to know him the sexier he is to me. He is very confident and self assured and it is a big turn on.