marlena Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 He is destroying you piece by piece. There won't be anything left for you to give your children. This is so true. When I left my husband the first time this was my overriding concern. I knew that I had to get out of there for my daughter's sake. She deserved a happy mother and a healthy environment to grow in. BM, you need to be strong for your children and for yourself of course. Sometimes we live in a hell and don't know what it's like until we escape from it.
Author BetrayedMama Posted May 2, 2009 Author Posted May 2, 2009 I appreciate a million times what you have all said to help me thru the night last night since he never came home. So guess what? While I was sobbing all night into my pillow listening to sad songs, writing poems, taking care of a newborn every 3 hours and getting my other 2 kids to settle down since they take advantage when he isn't here - guess what the hell HE was doing? Well, I was on my bank statement this morning and lo and behold - he withdrew lots of cash AND the atm he took it from was on a blvd where there is only 2 trashy motels and a strip club called club 76. Now i want to kiill him. I want to kill him. I packed his bags this morning. they are out by the door. how dare he get off while I am sobbing all night remember our good old times, looking at high school pictures and recalling when he used to call the oldies radio station everynight until the DJ knew us and request songs to his "angel bunny"? he is a loser. i really hate myself now, how can i not? he makes me feel like not living. i swear to god I would be dead if it weren't for my kids. and it is sad, I am an educated person and I am saying this.
bentnotbroken Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 Depression, hurt and pain, knows no SES, education level, or race. It is an equal opportunity destroyer. Use you hate to get strong for you and your children. Don't let him sweet talk his way back in. Don't let him put his character flaws onto you. Use the hate, but, don't let it take over or consume your life. It won't stay directed at him only. It will seep into every aspect of your life, even your relationship with your children. Get a support system ASAP. This site is a good place, but you need real arms and shoulders to cry on. You need real support. There will always be someone here to give you support, but look for someone who knows you well enough to kick you in the pants when you need it.
marlena Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 Bent is right. You need to tell your family or a couple of good, supportive friends. Don't try to go at this alone. Come on! Why are you shielding him? What he is doing is plain wrong, no ifs ands or buts about it. Be strong. Be stronger than he is. Fight for your rights and dignity. You can do it. Get more stubborn than he is.
Lucky_One Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 And on Monday? Go withdraw all the cash out of that account. Don't let him take it all. You will need money to live on.
jj33 Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 Actually go to the ATM asap and take out as much as you can today. Same tomorrow. You dont want him clearning the account (to the extent he can) before Monday. Also if you have joint credit cards call the credit card company, you need to think about how you will handle that. He doesnt sound like a responsible sort of person .You could be liable for his debts if the account is joint and he doesnt pay the bills. You also need to go see a lawyer ASAP.
Lucky_One Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 Actually go to the ATM asap and take out as much as you can today. Same tomorrow. You dont want him clearning the account (to the extent he can) before Monday. Also if you have joint credit cards call the credit card company, you need to think about how you will handle that. He doesnt sound like a responsible sort of person .You could be liable for his debts if the account is joint and he doesnt pay the bills. You also need to go see a lawyer ASAP. Great point. Some ATMs have a $500 daily limit and some have down to a $300 limit. Just tell the credit card company to put a temporary freeze on your accounts; tell them that you misplaced your card but your spouse still has his, and you will call them when yours is found to reactivate the account. Sometimes they won't freeze a joint account unless both owners call, unless there is a lost or stolen card issue.
jj33 Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 Betrayed I just reread one of your posts and I see H works for your Dad. I was afraid maybe you didnt work and were totally dependent on him. Call your Dad IMMEDIATELY. Forget the shame forget the embarrassment. Tell him you are divorcing this man and you need his support. Tell him that you have PROOF that he has cheated on you and you are changing the locks. Tell him everything and do WHATEVER you need to do to get him on your side. Hit him where it hurts. Go wait at the bank at 830 am be the first one there. Then go see your Dad or call him over the weekend. You have the power over his employment. He is a very very arrogant foolish man. he works for your father and he is expecting you to take this from him and for there to be NO repurcussions. Once your father sees that you are serious, that you have the bank reciepts and that if he wants a relatoinshp with you and your child (how could you have one if your father sided with this man as against you) he will have to grow a pair and stop being afraid of your H, then it will all work itself out. Families dont like shame or gossip or anything of that sort. But when push comes to shove, they can surprise you. When they see you are serious about things and that you are in jeopardy they often stand beside you, even when you fear that they wont. Going to your mother doesnt sound like a good idea. Your father needs to hear this from you, as an adult woman not as second hand gossip from your mother.
Author BetrayedMama Posted May 4, 2009 Author Posted May 4, 2009 Thanks Lucky One...I don't mean to sound lame...but I am too sad to write today...I'll be back in time....to much to explain and it hurts. Does that make sense? :( Thanks again.
pparrott Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Hugs to you! I'm sure this is a very difficult time for you. But - as the others have said - Tell your dad....ASAP! Cancel credit cards with his name on them & take out as much cash as you can. Surely your family will be supportive in a time like this. You say you're afraid to be alone......Being alone, if you think about it, will give you much more peace than you have now. Good Luck to you - Keep us posted. My heart goes out to you.
bentnotbroken Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Thanks Lucky One...I don't mean to sound lame...but I am too sad to write today...I'll be back in time....to much to explain and it hurts. Does that make sense? :( Thanks again. Makes perfect sense. Try to take care of yourself.
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