Author Dexter Morgan Posted May 4, 2009 Author Posted May 4, 2009 The reason people complain is because so many BSs come to the OW site with bitterness and venom and nothing supportive to say at all other than you must be twisted or have low self esteem to be in an affair. Those that are actually looking for support to do the right thing get a very different response from even the BS's Those that don't care what the right thing to do is, and are looking for "support" on how to handle their MM/MW isn't really looking for support are they? What is there to support? The ongoing pain inflicted on a family? spouse? The fact that some BSs may feel that they deserve that and much worse and tell them so is not supportive or tough love its unkind when someone is in pain. funny how their pain is to be understood, while the pain they are helping to cause someone else should be ignored. I say, first deal with the pain they cause...THEN expect support for their own pain. If someone is causing someone else pain, wouldn't it be prudent to deal with that before trying to gain sympathy for theirs?
jj33 Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Carhill if by bow shot you mean threads intended to provoke... thats what the alert button is for...
carhill Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Carhill if by bow shot you mean threads intended to provoke... thats what the alert button is for... Here's an example: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=186447 This was originally posted in the OM/OW forum and apparently someone took my suggestion to heart and moved it to the Infidelity forum. I don't think it was posted intentionally to provoke, but it seemed to be a BS trying to "educate" OW's about her reality. To me, that controverts the purpose of the OW/OM forum, that being support and understanding for those particular people walking that path who post threads on their experience. IOW, the OP's should be OW/OM's, not BS's. That's my opinion, anyway. I always thought the Infidelity forum was for BS's to post their stories, but maybe it needs to be more specifically titled. Hmm...
pkn06002 Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 I always thought the Infidelity forum was for BS's to post their stories, but maybe it needs to be more specifically titled. Hmm... Maybe a need for a BS forum like OW/OM With a cross over for the two to "discuss" issues.
jj33 Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Many people including me agree with you - its one thing to post support or advice another thing to tell people why they are wrong. But there are others who believe that an affair doesnt exist without the BS and they have a right to post - I dont think that is the spirit in which they should be posting but its not up to me. There would be many more people posting on the OW/OM forum if they werent so afraid of being bashed and having their threads hijacked with the usual why are you having an affair or why are you upset you knew he was married. Its not helpful its not supportive. Or the ever helpful - he didnt choose you he loves his wife more. Or its against the Bible (as if noone knew that - people who care that much about the 10 commandments dont have affairs). I rarely post about myself for that reason.
jj33 Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Thats a good idea PKN maybe you should discuss it with Tony. But I think he said above it would be too difficult to moniitor.
wuggle Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 I think that one of the main strengths of this site is the fact that anyone can post in any thread. It is good to get opinions from all sides of a discussion so the OP can decide for themselves from arguments from both sides what applies to them, even if that does make for some 'lively' discussions.
jj33 Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 The problem is they often pass beyond what is lively. But again that is what the alert button is for.
HeidiB125 Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 It's hard to accept when OW/OM are giving each other tips and pointers and a sort of high five about what they're doing. In a way we are witnessing emotional abuse and something has to be said and sometimes harshly. That being said it shouldn't be your entertainment....let's go bash some OW/OM tonight.
OWoman Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 It's hard to accept when OW/OM are giving each other tips and pointers and a sort of high five about what they're doing. In a way we are witnessing emotional abuse and something has to be said and sometimes harshly. That being said it shouldn't be your entertainment....let's go bash some OW/OM tonight. If you don't like seeing people hit, and you walk into a boxing match, do you have the right to complain about having to witness physical violence? I'd say, don't go in there if you don't like what you know you'll find. So if you don't like seeing OWs supporting each other, don't go onto the OW/OM boards which are designed for that purpose. It's not compulsory viewing, nobody makes it a precondition of LS membership that you have to read threads that will upset you. So no, I disagree that "something has to be said and sometimes harshly". You could simply choose to stay away - there's no "has to" about it at all, you're exercising a choice and should deal with the consequences of that in a way that complies with the terms of service that you agreed to when you signed up.
soserious1 Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 I personally would greatly appreciate a forum just for BS and would of course respect and not violate the sanctuary of a forum for WS/OM/OW. I am in recovery, not just from my ex's unfaithful behavior, though I'm not yet out of the woods physically.. I still need 1 more clean HIV test. My biggest concern is coming to terms with the fact that I was lied to, gas light and had so much blame shifted to me that I have come to doubt almost my every perception or gut instinct. My Ex poo pooed my concerns and observations, he told me I was crazy, I can still hear his words "You're a fscking psycho" ringing in my ears.. when my gut instincts, when the things I noticed about his behaviors were indeed true. He was in fact cheating on me. Trying to recover trust in one's own powers of observation and instincts takes time, a lot of time and it would be really nice to do some of that recovery in a place of safety, where I'm not going to be called "bitter" ünforgiving" or told my decision to end the marriage was wrong or foolish.
HeidiB125 Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 I think you're assuming I go in looking for trouble. As a matter of fact I go in very little and have never posted. However, if you're sharing your information on a public forum you are open to hear many sides and opinions about your behavior. I look at OW almost like a different species. I'm fasinating by their thinking and actually am hoping to glean a bit of insite into dealing with my own situation. Do to my own circumstances I don't have a lot of respect for them but non the less at times I need to see how their minds work. I'm not so sure about the use of the term "support" each other. I'm not attacking those who have come to realize the error of their ways and are looking for help in changing and gaining perspective on their actions. It's the ones who seem to feel that it is the only course that their lives can take and then some how justify it, at the expense of an innocent, that I find difficult. Again, to be silent when witnessing spousal abuse first hand is contributing to the problem in my eyes.
NoIDidn't Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 I think that one of the main strengths of this site is the fact that anyone can post in any thread. I agree. Only allowing certain groups to post creates fantasy *bubbles* where only one mindset is allowed and encouraged.
ForumFool Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 I agree. Only allowing certain groups to post creates fantasy *bubbles* where only one mindset is allowed and encouraged. Very well said. When I post in the other section I am as honest with them as I am with people in this area..I am a little older than some of the OW I see on the site and sometimes I see they fall for the oldesr lines in the book...My intent is always to be helpful..sometimes help means honest and honest can hurt...but in the long haul can help people avoid much hurt later. I just read a thread I think was posted by a troll and just didn't comment..I seldom post to much ...and then you have the shallow let us high five over my behavior threads.....those I tend to just roll my eyes and move on.
angie2443 Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 Only allowing certain groups to post creates fantasy *bubbles* where only one mindset is allowed and encouraged. This is so true. I don't like everything I read on these threads and I haven't always been nice. Some of these threads really burn me, but, I've learned so much from them. If I only chose to hear what I wanted to hear, I never would grow. I think that goes for everyone.
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