Dexter Morgan Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 It was posed by someone that BS's have no business in the OW/OM section. Ok, fair enough. So by default, I would think that the Infidelity section would be a place that OW/OM could stay out of.......nope. So if OW/OM expect that forum to be off limits for BS's, where is the BS's "safe haven"? Could one be made?
Owl Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 That'll never happen in either direction, Dex. It would require far too much moderation for it to be viable. So you'll always have BS's posting on the OW section, and vice-versa. Your only other option would be to find another forum site that was more moderated and already had those set TOS guidelines. Like gloryb or TOW for the OW...or marriagebuilders for the BS's.
Art_Critic Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Why should anyone person not be allowed to post in any of the forums here ? I thought the only requirement to post here was to post within the LS Guidelines. A BS has many viewpoints and thoughts that should be able to be heard in the OW/OM forum..
Owl Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 And I'd agree with you, AC. I post in the OW/OM forum, and don't have an issue with OW/OM posting in the infidelity one either. Understanding both sides of the coin is a good thing.
2sure Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 The helpful thing about this forum, whether its painful or not, is getting perspectives from all sides. BUT It IS a "Support" forum so.... I can understand some posters not wanting to hear all of those perspectives. Still, I think most of us that have come here for advice or help....would agree that what you want to hear and what you need to hear, arent always the same. Nor should they be exclusive.
bentnotbroken Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 So many want the support to be candy and sweet dreams. As you said, support doesn't' always come the way we want it to, but can come the way we need it to.
Reggie Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Reading in the OM/OW forum has helped me realize just how twisted the thinking is in affairs. It is a comfort , in a way, to see just how screwed up cheaters are.
2sure Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Also - I cant help but think that reading about the feelings of some OW allows BS to see that they arent all sterotypical. That they can be confused and vulnerable. OR help BS see that OW is not "better" than her.
Author Dexter Morgan Posted May 1, 2009 Author Posted May 1, 2009 Why should anyone person not be allowed to post in any of the forums here ? Dunno...thats a good question to ask the person that said BS's should not be posting in the OW/OM forum. If they can post in the Infidelity section, then we can post there. It wasn't so much of a serious question rather than starting a discussion. I agree, anyone is and should be allowed to post anywhere.
Athena Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Dunno...thats a good question to ask the person that said BS's should not be posting in the OW/OM forum. That's really funny that a cheating person would cry 'Foul' when a betrayed person posts on OW/OM boards! After all, didn't they completely disrespect the sanctity of someone's marital vows (the rules for all of society, never mind for the LoveShack boards!).
Art_Critic Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Understanding both sides of the coin is a good thing. The helpful thing about this forum, whether its painful or not, is getting perspectives from all sides. I agree .. I myself have never been an OM or been involved with a OW or done any cheating but I think at times I have valid input on a thread and I post when I do. I grew up in a home(s) where there was plenty of cheating happening to my Mom and Step Mom from my father so while I haven't ever been a BS I give advice from the child' perspective. So often the children are never considered and my voice is for them when I post in those forums..
2sure Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Art Critic - your perspective is appreciated....but also - you dont always have to walk in someone elses shoes to know where they've been. Empathy and common sense are huge and valid things to offer too. And you do that.
Author Dexter Morgan Posted May 1, 2009 Author Posted May 1, 2009 That's really funny that a cheating person would cry 'Foul' when a betrayed person posts on OW/OM boards! After all, didn't they completely disrespect the sanctity of someone's marital vows (the rules for all of society, never mind for the LoveShack boards!). all too true Athena
NoIDidn't Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 It was posed by someone that BS's have no business in the OW/OM section. Ok, fair enough. So by default, I would think that the Infidelity section would be a place that OW/OM could stay out of.......nope. So if OW/OM expect that forum to be off limits for BS's, where is the BS's "safe haven"? Could one be made? Its a tired, TIRED complaint made by OPs that can't handle being disagreed with or having some light penetrate that closet the A is stuck in. I don't have a problem with OPs posting in Infidelity so long as they stay away from threads where the BS just found out with their twisted logic that somehow its their fault for being cheated on. I hold the double-standard that the OP should have known that most As end badly, but I would hope that a BS (even a recent one) would not try to compound their pain with "I told you so".
Author Dexter Morgan Posted May 1, 2009 Author Posted May 1, 2009 I hold the double-standard that the OP should have known that most As end badly, but I would hope that a BS (even a recent one) would not try to compound their pain with "I told you so". well, we are told that we must have done something for us to be cheated on.
Tony Posted May 1, 2009 Senior Moderators Posted May 1, 2009 It would require far too much moderation for it to be viable. So you'll always have BS's posting on the OW section, and vice-versa. If it wasn't for the wars that ensue in this category, moderators would have very little to do on this site...hahaha! (Not that we would complain!)
jj33 Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 The reason people complain is because so many BSs come to the OW site with bitterness and venom and nothing supportive to say at all other than you must be twisted or have low self esteem to be in an affair. There are a few OWs recently who have shown a real lack of taste in their posts on both the infidelity board and the OW board but generally most of them are there to vent their pain and frustation not to be castigated. The fact that some BSs may feel that they deserve that and much worse and tell them so is not supportive or tough love its unkind when someone is in pain.
NoIDidn't Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 The reason people complain is because so many BSs come to the OW site with bitterness and venom and nothing supportive to say at all other than you must be twisted or have low self esteem to be in an affair. There are a few OWs recently who have shown a real lack of taste in their posts on both the infidelity board and the OW board but generally most of them are there to vent their pain and frustation not to be castigated. The fact that some BSs may feel that they deserve that and much worse and tell them so is not supportive or tough love its unkind when someone is in pain. The problem with this logic, jj is that you are ASSUMING that all the posters posting such are BSs. Not true. Even if the BSs stopped posting there, you would still get people that find cheating and those that engage in it vile (and aren't afraid to say so). Sorry. I find both types of swiping unproductive, and have to admit that when I first came here I engaged in it too. But I was far from bitter. I, unfortunately, responded to what I considered ignorant thinking. Twisted, if you will. I don't think it does anyone any good to be allowed to post the most assinine things and get pat on the back for it. And I am sure that you agree that what some OPs post is nothing more than bitter tripe as well.
jj33 Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 I totally agree (see the new post on this forum) some of the OWs posting are very childish and inappropriate.
hopesndreams Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 I can't even go into the OW/OM forum except for a quick glance and have never posted there. Maybe there is lots to be learned but whenever I try to read a thread it just makes me angry, then I leave. The only thing I've realized after reading a few of their "posts" is that they are of a different mindset, their rationale, the way they think is so different from mine and it just makes me want to take a bath to get clean.
desertmoon Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 I can't even go into the OW/OM forum except for a quick glance and have never posted there. Maybe there is lots to be learned but whenever I try to read a thread it just makes me angry, then I leave. The only thing I've realized after reading a few of their "posts" is that they are of a different mindset, their rationale, the way they think is so different from mine and it just makes me want to take a bath to get clean. This is a good move on your part, HnD. If you are too angry then it is better to leave it alone.
Holding-On Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 That's really funny that a cheating person would cry 'Foul' when a betrayed person posts on OW/OM boards! After all, didn't they completely disrespect the sanctity of someone's marital vows (the rules for all of society, never mind for the LoveShack boards!). These are not the rules for ALL of society. Not everyone is a monogamist.
Athena Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 These are not the rules for ALL of society. Not everyone is a monogamist. I am just thinking of the typical marriage vows which include fidelity
Owl Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 If it wasn't for the wars that ensue in this category, moderators would have very little to do on this site...hahaha! (Not that we would complain!) Actually that surprises me very little. Infidelity is such an emotionally painful subject for those who have dealt with it in their lives, it's normally very difficult for people to keep from projecting that hurt and devestation on others in the "triangle". Most of the rest of the sub-forums on this site probably aren't nearly as volatile because the people there are probably not as deeply traumatized as the ones posting here and on the OW/OM forums. But I agree with the comment made that without input from "across the line", the real value of the conversations and advice held here would be lost. I was one of the "OW haters" back in the day...my first posts on that forum here on LS would show that...but I learned a lot from posting here...and don't really "hate" any of them...which is why I post what advice I can to both help them recover from the end of their affairs, and help them see the "BS side". I've learned to try to see things from their viewpoint as well. I'm curious, Tony. What are YOUR thoughts on enforcing a boundary line preventing cross posting between these forums?
carhill Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 What is opinion about the practice of BS's or OP's posting bow-shot threads in the cross-forums? I thought, generally, it was preferred that posters post new threads in forums relevant to their situation, for example a BS posting a thread about their circumstance in the Infidelity forum, rather than the OW/OM forum.
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