smile23 Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Okay, so I'll try to make this as short as possible. I am currently a sophomore in college, and I have met a great group of friends this year that I have become very close to. However, as of lately one of my "best" friends doesn't seem to like me anymore. Throughout these past few months the two of us have become extremely close and people say that we're like brother and sister. He's probably my favorite person to spend time with here at school. However, lately he has been ignoring my calls and texts, and it seems as though he doesn't have any interest when I ask him to hang out. The strange thing about this is that he's constantly calling/texting me and spending hours in my room when HE wants to. It's almost as if he only wants to talk to me when it's good for him, and I feel as though he doesn't care when I want to talk or hang out with him. I have become extremely annoyed this past week because of him not responding to my texts, ignoring my calls, and seeming to have no interest in me unless it is convenient for him. I feel as though it has built up throughout this semester, and perhaps I'm at the point where I'm becoming fed up. He is really mean to me, making comments such as "I'm not going to miss you over the summer" and "I only hang out with you because I feel bad for you." I'm confused because why would he make comments such as this and treat me badly, but yet want to spend time and talk to me constantly? My boyfriend is urging me to stop being friends with him, and telling me that he is just a jerk and isn't really a true friend. I would normally listen to him, but I'm not sure if it's jealousy, or he is really telling me what he thinks is best for me. So basically, what I would like to know is your opinions as to whether or not he is worth keeping as a friend, or if I should stop attempting to contact him? If I were to do this, however, I feel like it would be difficult because, despite the problems between us, we ARE very close and we know almost everything about each other. I'm just really confused and upset because I want to keep our friendship, but I'm not sure if it's worth it
Mycroft Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Hes probably just a "bad friend". Ive had my share. Do you think he might be the one who's jealous of your bf?
Author smile23 Posted May 1, 2009 Author Posted May 1, 2009 Well, I guess the thought that he may be jealous of my boyfriend has never really crossed my mind, but I don't really think that is the case. I just don't understand why he would want to be best friends with me, but at the same time he doesn't. Like you said Mycoft, perhaps he is simply just a bad friend.
Mycroft Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Hmm, the only reason I asked is sometimes a guy will be frustrated that they are friend zoned and they want more, making them act weird. If not hes probably just an ass. Well, either way hes being an ass If I were you I would just expect a minimum level of friendship with him. Don't make the effort if he doesn't and dont worry about it.
Author smile23 Posted May 1, 2009 Author Posted May 1, 2009 Thanks so much for the advice Mycroft! There is just one more thing I wanted to add. I think the reason as to why I am worrying about it so much is because my freshman year I had an extremely difficult time making friends because I do not drink and engage in the other "normal" college activities. So because of this, I'm ecstatic this year to have made several close friends, and so it's difficult to just brush off one of them and tell myself not to make the effort.
WTRanger Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Are you sure that his behavior just popped up out of the blue? It seems to me that people just don't flip out like that unless something happened. How long have you been with your bf and how long has this guy known about that? Guys and girls cannot be "best friends" without some level of attraction between the two of you and ultimately in the end one of you ends up developing deeper feelings than to other. Thus, this could be the reason why his change of actions. To me, there is much more to this story.
Author smile23 Posted May 2, 2009 Author Posted May 2, 2009 Well, there definitely is more to the story, but I didn't want to make my post too long because then no one would read it. I have been with my boyfriend for 3.5 years, and my friend has known this since day one during the fall semester, which is why it is strange that it is out of the blue. As for what you said about guys and girls not being able to be "best friends" without some level of attraction, at times I have gotten the sense that he may have feelings for me due to minor flirting and a few comments here and there, but I usually try to brush it off. Even if he did have feelings for me, why would he all of a sudden act strange? The few hints here and there that he likes me have been going on for most of the year, so why now?
Mycroft Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 As for what you said about guys and girls not being able to be "best friends" without some level of attraction, at times I have gotten the sense that he may have feelings for me due to minor flirting and a few comments here and there, but I usually try to brush it off. Even if he did have feelings for me, why would he all of a sudden act strange? The few hints here and there that he likes me have been going on for most of the year, so why now? Im happy if my advice helped you at all Smiley. Like WTRanger is saying hes likely developed feelings for you, knowing its not really a possibility, its not a comfortable emotional place for him. So he catches himself and pulls back every so often. I wouldn't be surprised if he tries to convince himself not to contact you anymore, then he "relapses" and wants to hang out. Him saying rude things really makes no sense, but maybe he just has some bad game. A person with a crush will often have a lot of hope for something that has little to no chance and sometimes its hard for them to come to terms with it.
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