laws78 Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 My husband I have been married for 12 years and have 3 children. We had what I thought was a great marriage. Last year he met a man at work whom he became good friends with.. After a few months I met his wife and we all got along so well we started spending time together with our families, going on outings, etc.. Earlier this year my daughter and I went away for a week on holiday and when we came back these friends were at our house every day even spending the night 3-4 times a week.. It really annoyed me as i felt like they were intruding on our family.. A few weeks later I spoke to my husband and he told me he liked them being around, he had a strong connection with his friends wife and he wanted to sleep with her.. THis absolutely gutted me.. Not wanting to lose my husband I told him to get it out of his system and move on. The other couple were apparently all ok with it. After a few weeks of them carrying on together , I happened to be alone with my husband friend and I slept with him.. Revenge maybe or to boost my self esteem I dont know.. Not something I would normally do but it happened. A week later I told my husband everything had to stop. It wasnt' right and wasn't good for our marriage. We cut all ties with these ppl.. My husband never mentions them and says he is glad it is over and doesnt think about her. I think about his friend every day and often wish I was with him rather than my husband.. Awful I know but I am having trouble moving on.. I m depressed and disconnected from my husband.. He refuses to seek counselling with me..
lkjh Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Have you talked to your H about this? Have you told him everything? Tell him all of this and he will seek MC with you. This is why swinging is a bad idea.
seibert253 Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Do you want to save your marriage? Did you tell your husband about sleeping with the friend? If you haven't, then you should. If you haven't, you should also tell him about how you continue to have feelings for the OM. If you want to heal, because you haven't, then tell your husband you need his help. In order to heal yourself and your marriage, there needs to be no secrets between you. If your husband does not know about any of the above, and he loves you, this "revelation" should show him the need for MC in order to save your marriage.
whichwayisup Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 You two opened pandora's box by having sex with this couple.. Also, how can your husband do counselling with you if you aren't being honest with him? I'm sure if he knew that you had feelings for the MM, then he WOULD go with you. Right now he just thinks it was all 'sex' and 'fun', nothing to worry about.
Athena Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Sigh... is this a troll? Why recently, there have been an awful lot of n00bs posting either 1,2, or 3 posts and mysteriously disappearing... almost seems to me to be the handiwork of a single person trying out their Writing Ideas. I am really going to try limit my replies to people who have racked up some number of posts, so I can be sure they are not just getting a 'kick' out of this all. Stick around first, read the board, and then contribute to others before starting up a thread.
SidLyon Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 Sigh... is this a troll? Why recently, there have been an awful lot of n00bs posting either 1,2, or 3 posts and mysteriously disappearing... almost seems to me to be the handiwork of a single person trying out their Writing Ideas. I am really going to try limit my replies to people who have racked up some number of posts, so I can be sure they are not just getting a 'kick' out of this all. Stick around first, read the board, and then contribute to others before starting up a thread. Athena (goddess of wisdom?), I have no idea whether this person is a troll or not. I'm a relative newbie to this forum and I admit my first post was a question or request for advice. Basically I would have been daunted at the thought of trying to give advice to others or even respond to someone else first up. By all means do as you've said and limit your replies to whoever you think is genuine. However I don't think it's fair to newbies, some of whom are in genuine need and suffering really badly, to tell them that they can't start a thread first off. By the way I think you give good advice. S
hopesndreams Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 you reap what you sow I think about his friend every day and often wish I was with him rather than my husband.. as in NIKE...just do it
NoIDidn't Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 Sigh... is this a troll? Why recently, there have been an awful lot of n00bs posting either 1,2, or 3 posts and mysteriously disappearing... almost seems to me to be the handiwork of a single person trying out their Writing Ideas. I am really going to try limit my replies to people who have racked up some number of posts, so I can be sure they are not just getting a 'kick' out of this all. Stick around first, read the board, and then contribute to others before starting up a thread. This one is pretty good. I started reading and saw that her husband met a MAN. I was like, OMG, her husband is sleeping with a man!!! THEN, she said she met the man's W. So I figured she's asking for help with her H's A with the man's W. But THEN, she said she allowed it but slept with the MAN her H met first! I was sucked right in to such a GREAT plot. If this is a writer, I give them a B+. My only advice is to make these events happen in different chapters. Seriously, though, this is why swinging is never a good idea. The way the OP feels about the OM and is keeping it from her H is the main reason why these pairings feel betrayed. They will let you sleep with anyone as long as they know about and no feelings develop. But the OP is developing some kind of feelings. Not good.
Molley Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 wow, sounds like you are going through withdrawal from the OM. Amazing how quickly the story changed.
lostsunsets Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 Sounds like your marriage is over. He slept with his wife. You slept with her husband. You told your husband to get it out of your system. Then you slept with the other man to get it out of your system (revenge). Now you have apparently succeeded in getting your marriage out of your system. Why are you depressed? Just keep sleeping with each others spouses until your hearts become so calloused, that you don't care what one another does. Just get divorced. You don't love your husband anymore anyways.
jnj express Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 Unfortuneatly what the 2 of you have done is to wreck your own mge. The by-product of your open cheating on each other is that you have become infatuated with this other guy. You have kids, the 2 of you are a bad example of a family unit, but if you want your family to stay together, YOU HAD BETTER WAKE UP, and get over this infatuation you have for this guy you slept with. If your mge. falls apart, have you any idea what life will be like as a single parent trying to make it on your own. That is what you had better start thinking about instead of this infatuation. The two of you probably should get some counseling and try to fix what is wrong with each of you, if for no other reason than your kids.
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