alr85 Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 I'm so frustrated and confused. First of all, I'm 23 years old and never had a real boyfriend. I'm a pretty normal person I would say going by society's standards, I've just had a lot of personal issues to deal with that have prevented me from dating... So, honestly I feel like a 15 year old that's completely confused. I met someone on a dating website that I really like. He has a lot of his own issues but he's a genuinely good person so I can overlook them. He was laid off and is between jobs right now and is in a nasty custody battle for his son which has put him into depression several times. I just want to know if he's into me. I think I jumped the gun and expected too much too fast and was calling or texting at least once a day after only 2 or 3 dates. He respected me enough to tell me that he wanted to move very slowly and start out as friends but I read that as a rejection and was preparing to just be friends but THEN: He sings songs to me about love. He tells me that I'm so special to him. He is constantly finding reasons to touch me. He kisses my hand. He kisses me on the forehead. He told me that he wants me to just show up at his house. We hug for a really long time when the night's over. He makes sexual references involving me. He dropped me off at my door and told me I'm an A in his book and that I'm a wonderful friend/date... WHAT DOES THAT MEAN!? He told me that he doesn't introduce women to his son and when he meets someone special, they'll be able to meet him. (I kinda interpreted that as me not being that special someone) but then later in the evening he said "When you meet my son..." I'm sort of ignorant when it comes to men so I just assumed we were dating.. I didn't know it was such a lengthy process to decide you're dating. We used to kiss but I feel like since I got "all crazy clingy" and he had to pull me back we've gone back to the pre-dating motions again. We talk about once or twice a week. I don't want to be strung along. How would you interpret this?
stace79 Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 My opinion nowadays is that until the guy says otherwise, assume you are just friends or maybe dating, but casually. Continue to do your own thing; meet new people and go on dates if you want. Until the guy speaks up that he is seriously interested in you and wants to be exclusive, assume that you're not. Girls usually expect too much too soon anyway. If you decide you like someone too much to NOT be exclusive then let him know, and if he doesn't agree that the time is right then move on. There are always other guys. Also since you've never had a real relationship, my opinion is that you need more experience dating around to figure out what you really want, rather than just settling as you said for someone who has a ton of big issues!
dreamergrl Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 My opinion nowadays is that until the guy says otherwise, assume you are just friends or maybe dating, but casually. Continue to do your own thing; meet new people and go on dates if you want. Until the guy speaks up that he is seriously interested in you and wants to be exclusive, assume that you're not. Girls usually expect too much too soon anyway. If you decide you like someone too much to NOT be exclusive then let him know, and if he doesn't agree that the time is right then move on. There are always other guys. Also since you've never had a real relationship, my opinion is that you need more experience dating around to figure out what you really want, rather than just settling as you said for someone who has a ton of big issues! I agree with this. You know, you could still go on other dates while you're continuing to get to know him. There is no talk of being exclusive. It wouldn't hurt to keep experiencing the dating world!
Author alr85 Posted May 1, 2009 Author Posted May 1, 2009 Thank you guys! I agree with you. I'll go on some more dates.. I don't know if this is standard but I hate dating!
BobSacamento Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 I don't understand why you would think you weren't dating. He's taking you out for a good time, dropping you off. That's dating/getting to know each other. Now if your question is are you exclusive than that's a different story. Odds are if you bring it up to him he's going to be turned off completely. It's like your telling him what to do. I think your strategy should not be to obtain exclusivity but to get him to desire exclusivity. For example - play the field. So when he calls you one night and asks "Hey what are you doing Saturday?" You can respond "Oh I have a date." He can be like "Uh really? wow I thought we blah blah....." At least that's what I'd do in your situation.
dreamergrl Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 I don't understand why you would think you weren't dating. He's taking you out for a good time, dropping you off. That's dating/getting to know each other. Now if your question is are you exclusive than that's a different story. Odds are if you bring it up to him he's going to be turned off completely. It's like your telling him what to do. I think your strategy should not be to obtain exclusivity but to get him to desire exclusivity. For example - play the field. So when he calls you one night and asks "Hey what are you doing Saturday?" You can respond "Oh I have a date." He can be like "Uh really? wow I thought we blah blah....." At least that's what I'd do in your situation. I couldn't disagree more. This is game playing. Just go out and have fun OP, don't make up stories to get him to chase you. Just be real and honest.
BobSacamento Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 I couldn't disagree more. This is game playing. Just go out and have fun OP, don't make up stories to get him to chase you. Just be real and honest. I never said anything about making up stories. I simply suggested to play the field instead of chasing him.
dreamergrl Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 I never said anything about making up stories. I simply suggested to play the field instead of chasing him. My bad, I misread what you said. I thought you implied she should just say she has a date. Sorry!
Recommended Posts