J3ss Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Okay, so I'm wondering if I'm justified in not only feeling this way but in bringing it up to my b/f now and then. There have been two female friends, or rather much more like acquaintances that I feel have disrespected me as his g/f. I trust him and all, but is it wrong of me to casually ask him if he associated with them when he attends social gatherings where they might be at?? I really hate the fact that he would even casually chat with these two girls, but I don't think its a big deal that I casually bring it up to him. I don't try to start a fight or anything but its infuriating to me and I wonder. He seems to think it's a problem that I feel that way and that I bring it up to him. What do you all think?
AlektraClementine Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Could you elaborate on the disrespect? Even so, you can say whatever you want to your boyfriend but a more effective approach would be to discuss how they make you feel rather than ask him interrogative questions.
Author J3ss Posted May 1, 2009 Author Posted May 1, 2009 Well I didn't think it was too important to elaborate on how they disrespected me, but one of them got really drunk at a function and practically threw herself at him (and most other guys) with me standing right next to him. I wouldn't really give it a second thought if it was just some random girl at a club or something, but she works with him and she knew who I was and never apologized either. I do tell him about how it makes me feel, but I think he has trouble understanding why it irritates me that he would associate with them. And he's just tired about hearing about it. I don't interrogate him, and very casually, not in a confrontational way at all. In the end, it's more like I want him to be on my side (against people who disrespect me, etc.)
AlektraClementine Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 How did your boyfriend react when she threw herself at him? That's more important (in my opinion). Did you two discuss it? If he was unaffected by it or thought it was inappropriate as well, then I see it as a "case closed". If he works with her and sees her at work functions, they will socialize. But as long as he doesn't engage or encourage her behavior, you have nothing to worry about. Furthermore, if he did respond as I described.... then yes, your constant bringing it up probably is a bit irksome to him. Do you not trust him? What was it about how he reacted to that or about his overall behavior makes you not be able to let this go. I could understand if they were social acquaintances that he made an effort to be around..but co-workers are a different story.
AlektraClementine Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 wait. nevermind. for some reason I thought they were coworkers. My bad. Just re read your post.
2sunny Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 he has no control over what THEY do or don't do to make YOU feel this way. he does have control over HIS own actions or reactions. are you sure it isn't what he is or isn't doing that is upsetting you? is he giving them go ahead signals to cross a boundary or not? YOU also have control over YOUR OWN actions and reactions.
Author J3ss Posted May 3, 2009 Author Posted May 3, 2009 How did your boyfriend react when she threw herself at him? That's more important (in my opinion). Did you two discuss it? If he was unaffected by it or thought it was inappropriate as well, then I see it as a "case closed". If he works with her and sees her at work functions, they will socialize. But as long as he doesn't engage or encourage her behavior, you have nothing to worry about. Furthermore, if he did respond as I described.... then yes, your constant bringing it up probably is a bit irksome to him. Do you not trust him? What was it about how he reacted to that or about his overall behavior makes you not be able to let this go. I could understand if they were social acquaintances that he made an effort to be around..but co-workers are a different story. I see your point. Yes he didn't think it was appropriate either.. But it bothers me all the same that he would still socialize with them. I feel as by him not socializing with them anymore, it would send them a clear message that his g/f shouldn't be disrespected... The issue with the other one who was a friend is less obvious.. when we went out as a group she tried her best to avoid me. I thought that was really rude, seeing how I was polite towards her. And this was only the second time that I met her. Fortunately, she's less of a friend to him now and wouldn't invite her to hang out with us and others in a group b/c it infuriated me to no end. Her behavior made me uncomfortable and I didn't feel it was necessary to invite someone who would make me feel that way. I used to almost obsessively wonder why she would behave that way.. and in this instance you could say I interrogated my b/f. I know there wasn't anything going on b/w them. My b/f is a really friendly guy with everyone and it has made me uncomfortable, b/c it could be seen as borderline flirtatious or flirtatious.. I could see this becoming an issue in the future if he befriends yet another female that would disrespect me and I would hate for that to happen for the third time. ((Sigh))
Author J3ss Posted May 3, 2009 Author Posted May 3, 2009 How did your boyfriend react when she threw herself at him? That's more important (in my opinion). Did you two discuss it? If he was unaffected by it or thought it was inappropriate as well, then I see it as a "case closed". If he works with her and sees her at work functions, they will socialize. But as long as he doesn't engage or encourage her behavior, you have nothing to worry about. Furthermore, if he did respond as I described.... then yes, your constant bringing it up probably is a bit irksome to him. Do you not trust him? What was it about how he reacted to that or about his overall behavior makes you not be able to let this go. I could understand if they were social acquaintances that he made an effort to be around..but co-workers are a different story. I see your point. Yes he didn't think it was appropriate either.. But it bothers me all the same that he would still socialize with them. I feel as by him not socializing with them anymore, it would send them a clear message that his g/f shouldn't be disrespected... The issue with the other one who was a friend is less obvious.. when we went out as a group she tried her best to avoid me. I thought that was really rude, seeing how I was polite towards her. And this was only the second time that I met her. Fortunately, she's less of a friend to him now and wouldn't invite her to hang out with us and others in a group b/c it infuriated me to no end. Her behavior made me uncomfortable and I didn't feel it was necessary to invite someone who would make me feel that way. I used to almost obsessively wonder why she would behave that way.. and in this instance you could say I interrogated my b/f. I know there wasn't anything going on b/w them. My b/f is a really friendly guy with everyone and it has made me uncomfortable, b/c it could be seen as borderline flirtatious or flirtatious.. I could see this becoming an issue in the future if he befriends yet another female that would disrespect me and I would hate for that to happen for the third time. ((Sigh))
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