hopelesscase Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 I am sure many people have issues like this, but here is my problem. My girl and I met our freshmen year of college. I had never even kissed a girl before so it obviously went slowly. We hit it off and she went home for the summer but we talked all of the time. We became sexually active next year, and have been doing amazing ever since. Til now. Our senior year she decided to go far away for grad school, and I said that I would move too. We talked about this stuff, and it was clear that it freaked her out a little, as it was pretty serious. I had to stay an extra semester to do some student teaching, so we were apart for the summer and more, eight months total. During the summer I visited her nd she tried to break up with me, stating that she felt the romance wasn't there anymore. We talked, cried, etc. and I told her I didn't want to and that we should work on it blah bah blah. We stayed together and I visited her twice more before I moved. Each time was amazing (i thought) and we had fun and sex and everything seemed fine, just like it had for years. Then she came to visit me during christmas, one month before I left to go there. We had an AMAZING week, but one night she started crying, saying that she felt nothing toward me sexually. We talked for a long time about this and other issues, but nothing was really resolved. I said that we needed to try to make it work, give it a chance. She said she loved me, and didn't know why she felt that way, and we decided to try. Two nights later, before she left, we had the most mindblowing sex ever, she agreed, she came twice. The real issue starts when I move. At first it is amazing to finally be with her, but after awhile it just felt weird. NOt how I felt, but how she reacted. I have been here four months, and we have had sex four times, and none of that was in the last month and a half. We have had several tear filled convos about it, but I don't understand! She says that when we kiss it is nice, but nothing in her makes her want to take it farther than that. On two occasions I have tried to get intimate with her and it worked, just like in the past, but other than that I can't get her fired up! I love her more than life itself, and I will do anything to make this work. I don't know whether she doesn't see me as a romantic partner or not, but I still think that she was crazy about me before, and I can make her that way again. I refuse to give up, but I wanted some feedback. If anyone has any advice it would be great. As it is now we spend a ton of time together, and always have a great time, but anytime I try to turn her on I fail. She has said that she does get turned on and want sex, but when it happens it just goes away all of a sudden. She says she has never dated anyone as good looking as I am (sounds conceited, but its true. I am pretty buff, but it doesn't seem to be helping). Part of me thinks that she wanted something new when she left college, and some part of her broke up with me, or something. Is there some other issue? Does she feel like I am not worth it, since I seem to be willing to do anything for her? I feel like we can rekindle the passion if we want, and I will not give up. Sorry for being so wordy, but if anyone can help it would be appreciated.
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 She tried to break up with you, but felt compelled to stay for reasons other than really wanting to. It sounds like she is torn about hurting you, but clearly wants out.
BlueHarvest Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Sounds like post college depression. It's probably not really "her feelings" for you, but her outlook on life now that she is trying to function in the real world. In short, I've come to realize that people when they come right out of college have delusions of grandeur that they quickly find out don't come true. They then either 1) adapt, or 2)continue to feel like the world owes them something.
sotired Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Sounds like she wants out, but doesn't want to hurt you. Her not wanting sex could be because she has emotionally disconnected from you and wants to try to make things work....but just doesn't feel the same way any more.
fishtaco Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Why would you want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with you?
BobSacamento Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 If my GF didn't want to have sex with me, then I would take the hint.
falseprophet Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Relationships are hard, you gotta make em work. Based on what you tell me I would firstly assume that during the 8 months you were seperated she may have found a new love interest, or a fling. She tried to break away from you but couldn't follow through, so she probably has alot of attachment to you, especially if she was your first. Those are hard relationships to move past. As far as the lack of sex goes she is most likely under alot of stress and can't focus enough to get in the mood. If she says she's not feeling that way towards you it could be because she has too much going on, she still has sex with you so shes not blocking you completely. Or she could be afraid of something that happened while you were seperate and she cant face that situation. I think what you should do is ask her about your relationship, if its something she really wants. You shouldnt commit to something that both people arent willing to work on. As far as your part goes, don't push or shove, let things happen the way they will, and if it turns out that she isn't happy in the relationship or does not want it to continue, then you should be willing to let it go. It will be hard, but it is better to move on while you are young then to divorce and try again when your 40 and possibly have kids. Relationships aren't easy, they are something you work at for your whole life, "the one" doesn't exist unless you make them exist. Nobodys perfect, live, learn, forgive, forget, wake up and start all over. If it's meant to be, then it will be. Hope I helped some?
spiracles Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 hope you found a good job in where-ever-the-****-you-followed-her-to. she said she wants to leave you (on numerous occasions, i take it). maybe you should stop delaying and call time of death on this thing. you say you are an attractive guy, seem like a decent person, and you will find somebody else. good luck to you.
Mahatma Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Do you think she could have cheated on you? The guilt will do that.
Krytie TV Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 If my GF didn't want to have sex with me, then I would take the hint. Bingo. That.
Admiral Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 I won't analyse this situation, I'll just offer advice. Leave her. She isn't attracted to you any more.
Sephirothh Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 you have 4 years with her which means you can basically do anything you want with her and she won't feel "weirded out" You need to take advantage of that and set the best possible atmosphere to have sex, vacation by a beach, with alcohol, nice music, good food, get in her the mood with a massage, then take it from there remember you have 2 things on your side, you've been with her for 4 years and you've already had sex with her already.
rod_in_gtown Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 I can't offer any good news, it sounds like she's pretty much made up her mind and is just stringing you along because she thinks she's "helping" you adapt towards the end. She's obviously taking you for granted and is on a self destructive path about your relationship. The more you try to hang on, the more she will resist you and the less she will *want* to work on it. It's tough letting go of your first love, which I gather she is from what you said. However, you're attractive, buff, right out of college, starting your real life. Make yourself busy, you have to make a conscious decision to get her out of your mind, and if I was you I would start NC (no contact) immediately. That is the first step towards getting over her. she will realize what she lost when it's already too late. (funny how that works isn't it?... well not funny haha but funny WTF?) I say you're in your prime, go hang out with friends, make new friends, mingle with single people and have some fun. you're young, so go out there and get some!
Sephirothh Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 I can't offer any good news, it sounds like she's pretty much made up her mind and is just stringing you along because she thinks she's "helping" you adapt towards the end. She's obviously taking you for granted and is on a self destructive path about your relationship. The more you try to hang on, the more she will resist you and the less she will *want* to work on it. It's tough letting go of your first love, which I gather she is from what you said. However, you're attractive, buff, right out of college, starting your real life. Make yourself busy, you have to make a conscious decision to get her out of your mind, and if I was you I would start NC (no contact) immediately. That is the first step towards getting over her. she will realize what she lost when it's already too late. (funny how that works isn't it?... well not funny haha but funny WTF?) I say you're in your prime, go hang out with friends, make new friends, mingle with single people and have some fun. you're young, so go out there and get some! don't listen to this, you've already spent 4 years into this relationship at least give it a last ditch effort...and this last ditch effort needs alot of effort, you might have to be a little of a bad boy in order to spice things up a bit but extreme situations call for a extreme measures
Bejita463 Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 don't listen to this, you've already spent 4 years into this relationship at least give it a last ditch effort...and this last ditch effort needs alot of effort, you might have to be a little of a bad boy in order to spice things up a bit but extreme situations call for a extreme measures Relationships require effort from 2 people, not 1. It really does not matter how much effort he can muster up if his attempts are not reciprocated.
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