DeSantos Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 So this person wants to change, he recently lost his girlfriend through cheating and it has cost him bigtime, but he knew he was not happy with her in the long run. What do you make of his character? Why is he doing the things he does? Obviously he is not happy, but what with? Its taken from a blog. -------- For a while now I have been thinking before making potential mistakes or if i've still not come to a conclusion i've looked or posted on forums to find other peoples views on the possible outcomes. Why oh why did I not do it this time. Danielle called me this morning asking who this girl in the email was and why is she twisting the knife in the wound. That little action this friend has made has backfired so much that Danielle says "Neither of us turned this relationship sour, but its come to this, your not my problem now, Goodbye"... she has removed me as a friend from facebook and i'm out of her messenger list. I hope she does not hate me, but I don't blame her. I cheated on her twice with my ex girlfriend Kathryn, she found out I had been emailing hookers (but i had not actually visited one) and she took me back. How did I repay her ? I never invited her out when I was out with work colueages, I never changed my Facebook status to "In A Relationship" with her (I did'nt even have to connect her name to my page), I never brought her flowers when I new she loved white lilleys, after it was discovered I cheated I never re-visited her parents because I was so scared of how they would take me, but the invited me round to dinner once and i told Danielle that I was doing something else. I made so many mistakes that i'm suprised she stayed with me, but I think she knew one thing, I was sorry for what I'd done, but she could not trust me. The same thing happened with Kathryn, but I did not get caught. From the first time someone else paid me interest when I was Kathryn, I was off. Having spent the past few years really discovering real women, especially those a few years older than me I had an appetite for women. This was when I was 21. I met Kathry at 23 while I started university. I only took her out with friends that were those who I went to school with, not friends I'd met while working or in university. I look back and think probably only one person that I met in uni knew I had a girlfriend at that time. I did'nt tell anyone and I don't think many people asked, they just assumed I was single, not because of the way I carry myself (I wern't being overly sexed by using language and body language much) but because I never spoke about it. I did'nt introduce it into any conversation. I remember working for a call centre and not one person knew I was with Kathryn and I was there for about 9 months. I went out with them a few times and had illegal fun. Shocking. When I'd go out with people that I knew from work and uni, at any chance I got, I was cheating on her, by kissing, foreplay and I slept with a girl who I'd known previously to Kathryn, she was on an early social networking site and she wanted me because of my ethnicity. But over the years she fell in love with me (we'll hear about her later, as she has recently come back on the scene). The few girls that I really can remember stuck out to me because they were different. They were from good homes, two amalgamated parents and money. I'm not talking lottery style. But enough to keep their daughters looking nice. They loved me and I took them and I did'nt have a care in the world for Kathryn's feelings. I somehow knew I could'nt get court because non of these girls knew Kathryn or even knew of Kathryn. When I was on nights out it felt like I was single. Girls that found themselves attracted to me, let me know it. I don't think I ever struck up a conversation with them they just came to me. I was a vey shy child when younger and I still see that in myself now, but its mature shy, which I would say is not good, because people I don't wanna talk to, I do not talk to. It boosted my ego. I acting normal but with the feeling like i'd just scored a goal at football tournament. Why I did not just finish with Kathryn I don't know, I guess I just used her to be there. I did'nt hate her, I got on with her really well, but I just could not commit to her and cheating seemed like an easy way of being halfway there and halfway not. It felt like, I love you, I enjoy your time but, I just don't want to spend the rest of my life with you. Was I waiting for someone else. Probably, but females that I felt were superior in looks to Kathryn only came in one offs and that was it, just a quick fumble in a club or bar and off we go. One of the girls that I cheated on with Kathryn was a friend of a friends who I had met while working in another call centre. I did not sleep with her but we shared a bed and got very steamy, this girl was of Indian ethnicity and her name was Sumita. This all happened when we first met and she knew I had a girlfriend, but she just wanted fun as I guess she came from a slightly strick family. But years later I was still in contact with her through my former call centre pal Niki. Niki knew what I was like too and she never stopped me, hell we even shared a kiss once. But guess who her friend Sumita is in a circle of friends with now. What she must think of me I do not want to ask. She is one of the only people who know what I was like before meeting Danielle but I know she has probably not told anyone as she's now married and they all have nights out together. She's hardly likely to say, "oh I had him earlier, so I know what he's like" to all the crowd that hang around with her, her older brother who is good friends with her husband. I look back and cannot believe how many women I cheated on with Kathryn. The worst was married woman who was 7 years older than me and that made me feel so good. Her husband never showed her any emotion and never took her anywhere but when I met her in a club she dressed like she was 23 and she was 33. I knew she had two kids and I knew she just wanted sex, but again I did not sleep with her just played around with her like she was a single woman. I ended up feeling sorry for her in a way and took her out for a drink once and it got steamy. I took a liking to her and we got one well, we would speak while I was working as bloody receptionist with a firm I could do that in and not get mocked. We spoke for hours coz she was at home all day and her husband was at work. I think she liked me too but did not want to get serious, but I felt upset when we broke contact. I had pictures in my mind of me taking her on holiday as she'd never been abroad. I wanted to be a knight in shining armour but i'd clearly forget I was meant to be that with Kathryn. So thats how I have treated the women that i've been with. I'm not blowing my own trumpet here because what I think i've done is just down right out of order and I really should have been single and tried gaining women without the aid of someone else to fall back on. I guess its an insecurity. Now I have nothing and have to start myself again without the aid, homes and lifestyles of these two women. Although Kathryn came from a poor family, they lived quite comfortable too and even though I never really socialised with her parents and I was with her for 4 years, it felt good to get out of my hole that I had grown up in all my life. Danielle's parents were a different kettle of fish. They had comfortable money and it was nothing I'd ever been used to apart from visiting families of friends. Danielle fell into the catergory of those women who's parents looked after their daughters. But the feeling I had in my head was, I want prettier. I guess one of the causes to my problem were I had far too high standards and even the best was not enough. I do wonder how I'm going to cope through all this. I led such a secret life before being with Danielle and people I all know, know what I'm like. But some don't people at work know that i've split with Danielle, but I don't tell them what for, I just say, it was'nt working, if only they knew. At least I progressed with Danielle. I told people at my work that I've been in since last year that I was actually in a relationship and I have been on a few social nights with them and nothing happened. There must be hope for me to become a better person yet...
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