NC worked...but is it a good thing?

[jjaded1]

I will try to keep this short. And I just wanted to add a BIG thank you to all the folks on here who offer advice and sympathy even after they've heard the same story(including mine, probably) time and time again. I have read and learned so much from this site. It has really helped me cope throughout this whole ordeal and all the contributors really deserve my gratitude. So THANK YOU!

 

 

SO, my story(The condensed version).. I thought it would give some hope(however small) to the folks out there wondering whether NC really works or not...and maybe realize that NC working can be a bad thing too.

 

After 14 days of NC-he texted(is that a word? or is it just supposed to be 'text'?) me. I replied. We chatted, and I went to see him. He said he missed me. We got back together. Fast forward 17 days. Whereas before, I was kind of the pants wearer in the relationship-now he is. The dynamic is totally different. I feel like I'm the one who's waiting for his calls, analyzing the things he says, and following him around like a puppy. Before, I didn't care when he called or how often I saw him. I know this is because i have now lived life without him and am realizing how important he was to me, but I still have a nagging feeling that things are off and wierd.

 

He is indifferent-like I was before. He doesn't want to change his FB status to "in a relationship"--I know, warning sign, right? And I think he is paranoid about me seeing something on his phone, because now he always makes sure it's attached to his hip and never leaves it laying around like he did before.-I could be over analyzing though.

 

There have been good things too. We've had serious talks about the future, and he speaks of it with me in it. We've spent time with his family, done some of the things that he has wanted me to do for a long time.

 

So, I feel like I'm walking on eggshells for now with him. I don't want to rock the boat too much. I feel like he may still kind of be wondering whether getting back together was the right decision. I know from reading on here that if a second chance is to work, that things MUST change, but I'm just wondering if things will get easier as far as his indifference...Maybe he's giving me a taste of my own medicine.

 

So, my question is, I guess---should I stick this out?? Give it some more time to see if things change or I feel less paranoid? I really don't want to have a serious talk about this before giving it enough time for him and me to feel more at ease.

 

Thanks for reading and any for any replies.

[playlislay]

Hun, first of all CONGRATULATIONS!

Im sure many of us on here are happy for you yet jealous at the same time, lol!

 

All I can say is that it is early days. Im not familiar with your story as I have read so many but only a few stick out. Yes, the facbook status is slightly worrying but you have to bear in mind that he may want to keep his options open for a while. If he has the balls to admit this then great. You must take things a sloooooow as possible.

Think 'friendly snail'. In the sense of you are kind of just friends getting to know each other again (so to speak) and that improvement and commitment will take its time. Obviously you need to iron out all the problems you had prior to your seperation and maybe lay down some rules or improvement targets?

Remeber that being fun and your own person is highly attractive. Care for him, show that youre commited to make it work but dont follow him like a lost puppy. Be you. The you he first met, the you that was once a single go-happy lady.

 

Im no love guru as Ive never been given a second chance, but that is how I would play it. Give it a few months befor the facebook status. Once you know that you two are definately on track then by all means, make sure he changes it. If not, then I would be worried.

 

Good luck hunny, I really do wish you all the best xx )

[vessv6l]

Well done jjaded1! Im glad things worked out for you. I havent been in your situation before so i cant really offer any advice about what your feeling but playlislay seemed to sum it up well. But i hope you too grow together and enjoy a loving relationship!

[tkgirl]

I will try to keep this short. And I just wanted to add a BIG thank you to all the folks on here who offer advice and sympathy even after they've heard the same story(including mine, probably) time and time again. I have read and learned so much from this site. It has really helped me cope throughout this whole ordeal and all the contributors really deserve my gratitude. So THANK YOU!

 

 

SO, my story(The condensed version).. I thought it would give some hope(however small) to the folks out there wondering whether NC really works or not...and maybe realize that NC working can be a bad thing too.

 

After 14 days of NC-he texted(is that a word? or is it just supposed to be 'text'?) me. I replied. We chatted, and I went to see him. He said he missed me. We got back together. Fast forward 17 days. Whereas before, I was kind of the pants wearer in the relationship-now he is. The dynamic is totally different. I feel like I'm the one who's waiting for his calls, analyzing the things he says, and following him around like a puppy. Before, I didn't care when he called or how often I saw him. I know this is because i have now lived life without him and am realizing how important he was to me, but I still have a nagging feeling that things are off and wierd.

 

He is indifferent-like I was before. He doesn't want to change his FB status to "in a relationship"--I know, warning sign, right? And I think he is paranoid about me seeing something on his phone, because now he always makes sure it's attached to his hip and never leaves it laying around like he did before.-I could be over analyzing though.

 

There have been good things too. We've had serious talks about the future, and he speaks of it with me in it. We've spent time with his family, done some of the things that he has wanted me to do for a long time.

 

So, I feel like I'm walking on eggshells for now with him. I don't want to rock the boat too much. I feel like he may still kind of be wondering whether getting back together was the right decision. I know from reading on here that if a second chance is to work, that things MUST change, but I'm just wondering if things will get easier as far as his indifference...Maybe he's giving me a taste of my own medicine.

 

So, my question is, I guess---should I stick this out?? Give it some more time to see if things change or I feel less paranoid? I really don't want to have a serious talk about this before giving it enough time for him and me to feel more at ease.

 

Thanks for reading and any for any replies.

 

since I don't know your whole story, I'm assuming you used NC as a way to get your guy to come back... since you said it "worked". But did it really? because what I've learned on here is that NC is for YOU.. to give yourself time after a break-up so you can heal... and yea, it sometimes gets the other person to try to contact you, but you are really supossed to STAY NC... meaning avoid contact with them at all costs (easier said than done sometimes I know) Anyways, when NC is used to get a person back, it usually back-fires... like in your case. You don't sound very happy with your current situation... and no, I don't know the whole story but it sounds like your guy is not stepping up the way you want him to. And you know that you can NOT change him, so... what are you going to do? Think about what would make you happy and is there anything you can do to change things ion your life... and since you can't change him, can you accept him the way he is? If not it may be time to NC it... for you this time!