Peter_pan Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 hey everyone, dont know what it is about today but ex was on my mind, my mood has hit rock bottom, i feel pissed off. and helpless. and even thought long and hard about contacting her. i must be low. just wanted to vent and write something down. anyway...
EmperorR Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 I feel the same way, let it out it's better not to contact
playlislay Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 Do you know what? I find NC veeeeeery interesting. Its seen on here as the politicaly correct thing to do. I know that it must be done in most cases, but sometimes I just see it all as one big bloody game! How the hell do we know that the other person doesnt feel the same but is being told by people like us to go NC too? Do you guys see where Im coming from? Advice on NC could be keeping many couples apart. Him: "I really want to call her" Advisor: "No dont, if she wants you then SHE will get in touch" Her: " I miss him so much, should I send him a little txt?" Advisor: "No, NC all the way. Just remember that if he wants you then HE will get in touch" I think I should start a thread on this-THE BIG NC DEBATE! lol! Dude, I dont know the full story, so NC could be the way forward but I am not going to be the one to advise this to you. lol! Good luck hun x
Author Peter_pan Posted April 30, 2009 Author Posted April 30, 2009 true, however 9 times out of ten one of the persons involved did the dirty on people like us. so there for if the other person did think twice, i doubt they would hesitate to contact them
Author Peter_pan Posted April 30, 2009 Author Posted April 30, 2009 i know if i met sum1 new i would be fine.... but i havnt, and it just isnt going to happen. i live in the smallest town. i havnt connected with anyone as well as what i was with her. she is different now though. so whats the use in thinking about her. yet i miss "that" and her body. i feel like ive got no 1 to talk to about it anymore. i know its not healthy. even talking here dosnt help me anymore
Author Peter_pan Posted April 30, 2009 Author Posted April 30, 2009 just dont feel i'll ever be "enough" for anyone. i know i sound pathetic. ive been in this hole for to long now. there is no way out
EmperorR Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 just dont feel i'll ever be "enough" for anyone. i know i sound pathetic. ive been in this hole for to long now. there is no way out Calm down Peter you will make it in the end:), but I know what you mean today I felt like contacting myex fiance as well like a dumbass but I didn't. Even though she cheated on me, she's the only person who understands me the best sadly but it's been 8 months, and I know what the reaction etc would be even if I were to just say hi.
EmperorR Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Do you know what? I find NC veeeeeery interesting. Its seen on here as the politicaly correct thing to do. I know that it must be done in most cases, but sometimes I just see it all as one big bloody game! How the hell do we know that the other person doesnt feel the same but is being told by people like us to go NC too? Do you guys see where Im coming from? Advice on NC could be keeping many couples apart. Him: "I really want to call her" Advisor: "No dont, if she wants you then SHE will get in touch" Her: " I miss him so much, should I send him a little txt?" Advisor: "No, NC all the way. Just remember that if he wants you then HE will get in touch" I think I should start a thread on this-THE BIG NC DEBATE! lol! Dude, I dont know the full story, so NC could be the way forward but I am not going to be the one to advise this to you. lol! Good luck hun x The thing is that the dumper had the guts to break up with you they have the guts to break NC and contact you if they want. and 99.9% of the time the dumper is out drinking at the bars, talking to new boys/girls. The thing iwth NC is to heal you, the reaosn why NC is preached is to heal you not to worry or care about your ex, NC protects you, what you don't know,hear,see can't hurt you.
BW007 Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 I just read some google searches on "The horns of a cuckold" In the old days someone who was cheated on by his wife was paraded around the village with deer horns to symbolize his idiocy which everybody but him could see like in his cheated on relationship. Wow, that must have been humiliating, but not nearly as bad as her screwing around. In Spanish, it also mentioned the derogatory term "Pendejo" which means acting like such a doormat that you actually knowingly accept the ccheating. It is about the worst burn in spanish and should be a warning to the last shreds of masculinity and dignity that are left after the cheater spreads her legs all over town. It beats the hell out of us but try to salvage some anger and pride and self esteem and KICK THESE CHEATERS TO THE CURB. They don't respect us and it hurts but NC is a way to survive. Good luck man, and truth be told I miss my ex pretty bad too, but reading about these old societal traditions actually made me realize just how disrespectful and crappy my ex actually is. It gave me a clue as to how low she is, so why be heartbroken over her?
Blah Toolz Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 A lot of us have been in situations where the dumper will still talk to and hang out with the dumpee, but they are actually just receiving an ego boost, and weaning themselves off of the dumpee at the same time. That is, they're relieving their guilt, getting a lot of the attention that they would have received in the relationship, and also making it easier to string the person along until something better comes along, and then BANG. They're gone. So that's why NC is the best way to go. You're in a confused and disoriented state of mind when someone breaks up with you and you want them back. You act like a fawning, subservient dog around them, and in many cases, it will drive them away even more. NC will help you to gain a straight head again, and heal yourself.
BW007 Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 You act like a fawning, subservient dog around them, and in many cases, it will drive them away even more. NC will help you to gain a straight head again, and heal yourself. Yep it is absolutely true......I see this so much on this site. Man the disorientation sucks... NC is a good survival technique for maintaining distance so you can get a realistic perspective on how the person has CHANGED. I went through this complete loss of my self-esteem when I was cheated on,,, throw that on top of a tendency towards depression anyway and you have a soul killing combination. I am still trying to dig out.
Author Peter_pan Posted May 4, 2009 Author Posted May 4, 2009 i just feel like a bad person. i never wanted to become this to her "a stranger" she dosnt deserve it. she looked after me for a long time, we were each others everything. me going into NC seems selfish. i think im regretting it a lot. and yes at first i was NC to get her back, then it was because i was angry. and now i dont know what to think. i know people move on, but i never wanted to become a memory with her. im so upset and so when i emailed her a quick mail and she got him to reply, well i didnt read it but it shows she dosnt care what happens to me.
Author Peter_pan Posted May 4, 2009 Author Posted May 4, 2009 well yes. but thats not the point. i always put her first. why did i have to screw up. or have doubts that she was the one. of course she was. no one else has ever known me like she did. being so comfortable with her. its my fault we dont talk. but i was to hurt to stay in touch. she probably blames me for not talking
9Lives Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 A lot of us have been in situations where the dumper will still talk to and hang out with the dumpee, but they are actually just receiving an ego boost, and weaning themselves off of the dumpee at the same time. That is, they're relieving their guilt, getting a lot of the attention that they would have received in the relationship, and also making it easier to string the person along until something better comes along, and then BANG. They're gone. So that's why NC is the best way to go. You're in a confused and disoriented state of mind when someone breaks up with you and you want them back. You act like a fawning, subservient dog around them, and in many cases, it will drive them away even more. NC will help you to gain a straight head again, and heal yourself. I agree with this message here. If you stay in contact with someone you love and it is killling you doing it...then you have to go NC for your own good. Cause if you dont.....and they get aonther person. You ae screwed!!!!
JeezLouise Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 peter, Do YOU care what happens to you??? This is a good question. I went back and read some of your posts, and you sound both depressed and like you neglected to take care of yourself mentally (OCD issues), and that you expected her to fix you or take care of you. "She looked after me for a long time". Maybe she wanted an adult BF, not one who needs looking after? What are you doing NOW to take care of yourself in a manner that helps you to be a healthy, happy adult man who is capable of carrying on a mutually caring relationship?
Author Peter_pan Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 This is a good question. I went back and read some of your posts, and you sound both depressed and like you neglected to take care of yourself mentally (OCD issues), and that you expected her to fix you or take care of you. "She looked after me for a long time". Maybe she wanted an adult BF, not one who needs looking after? What are you doing NOW to take care of yourself in a manner that helps you to be a healthy, happy adult man who is capable of carrying on a mutually caring relationship? thanks JL your right. i neglected taking care of my self and dumped it on her. and let her look after me. its no wonder she didnt want me back. i was a mess. i am seeing a doctor for issues i may have instead of bottling them up, living well doing things i want to do. going to see a therapist for my past relationship and then probably one for CBT. i feel i have come A LONG way from where i was when i was with her. believe me i was a state. i live more normally now than i ever did. i was so bad that if a trainer went on a top of mine i would throw the top away. its no wonder i got depressed. and its now that i feel repared to a certain level that all i want is her back and be myself like i was when we first met. i know ive been worried recently of some issues that probably need addressing but as i say, i am willing and going to get help to put it behind me. so is this right? who do i need to request to see when i speak to my doctor? @9lives , she got another guy right away already in the pipeline when she was done with me. so this is why i did NC.
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