bluewolf17 Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 So my ex (2 months now) has slowely been making contact, (I'm) trying to work towards rebuilding somthing. Neither of us is dating anyone else. We have been seeing each other the last two Thursdays and having a blast. On Monday he calls, and throws out a casual "call me later this week and maybe we can meet up on Thursday again". I decided that maybe I should let him call me..afterall, I am the one waiting on him to make up his mind. So I don't call him Tuesday or Wenesday. I figure...oh he will call. It's Thursday, and he hasn't. I feel so sad! Some days it's easy to deal with us not talking, and I can see the day when I won't hurt so much, then I won't hurt at all. But some days like today, I just want to sit and my desk and cry! I feel like all the burden is on me, and he gets to go about his life forgetting our 3.5 years we spent together. It's just not fair. I agonize over if he will call me, and he probably forgot that conversation entirely. I hate Thursdays.
PinkRibbon Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 Hey hun! Big hug...it will get better. I feel like this today but you on the other hand have the option to pursue the chance you have been given. You are so lucky to have another chance that what does it matter who calls who on Thursday?? I would give anything to have another Thursday with my ex. I would be picking up the phone calling to make plans. I would the opportunity to just talk to my ex. He has not called or anything. I won't ever get that opportunity. You could be like me no chance in heck of seeing the ex again. Which would you want no chance or just pick up the phone?
Author bluewolf17 Posted April 30, 2009 Author Posted April 30, 2009 Hi Pink Ribbon, Thanks for the repsonse.. I enjoy reading your posts as well. I hear where you are coming from (why am I bitching, I have a "chance", and others don't, and are hurting). The truth is it's not that easy. I love this man and it really hurts that he wanted to end things. I thought we would spend our lives together. Yes, we do talk, but it's not easy, at all. I constantly wonder if he feels anything for me, if he is with someone new, if he just pitys me, etc. We have hung out, and it was wonderful. The whole time I felt like screaming at him "see how great we are? Why can't you see that we should be together!" But you can't do that..lol. I just had to act casual. Like it wasn't ripping my heart out that I couldn't lean in and kiss him like I have done thousands of times before. Everything is a gray area. He does still want to talk, but it's hit and miss. I never know when or if I will talk to him again. Sometimes, I wonder if it would be easier on my heart to have just gone NC. That way I wouldn't wonder when or if he would call. I would know that he won't. Does that make sense? I am not saying it's not hard for all of us. I know each situation is hard, and I am so sorry you are hurting too. I am right there with you!
playlislay Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 Firstly, I agree with pinkribbon-you tell her girlfriend, lol!! Secondly, about the whole screaming 'look how good we are'. I totally get you with that one, me and my ex click and he makes me a much more outgoing person etc. We make each other happy but he wont 'hang out' with me ( Anywho, Im sure that if its that great then he will realise how great you are together too and even if he gets with someone else, it will be down to his own mind to say 'no, I just dont have that connection with her like I did with (what ever your name is? lol!)'. Im in the process of meeting loads of males but non of them have clicked with me personality wise like my ex. God I love that man:O) With the whole 'not knowing when we will see each other' well youve managed to see him twice so far and he obviously enjoyed himself to want to be in your company again. But! Big but! (I like big butts and I cannot lie.......lol! sorry) You have to be careful that he isnt using you as an emotional crutch. Personally I think the ones that have broken up with a loved one look for an emotional crutch elsewhere as it is you that they are trying to get over. If that makes sense? I have a good male friend who I admit I have used as a substitue boyfriend/ E crutch. Saying that though, I was an emotional wreck at uni the other day (cant cope with work and homelife ect) and because me and my ex had had a RARE text conversation the day before, I txt him to see if he was around as I just needed someone to be there for me. Im quite stupid to think that he would even give a ****e about how Im feeling, but anywho thats for another post. ) Good luck hun, I shall be watching your posts. )
Author bluewolf17 Posted April 30, 2009 Author Posted April 30, 2009 Thanks Ladies. I will keep with the updates. I don't know how I would get through the day without this forum....
Author bluewolf17 Posted May 1, 2009 Author Posted May 1, 2009 Hi Pink Ribbon, So I was really good and waited to see if he would call me for our Thursday date. I didn't hear from him all week, and of course was on the verge of calling him, and getting all clingy and desperate. I was sitting in my Statistics class when my phone rings: it's him and he left a voicemail saying he hadn't heard from me in a few days, and wanted to still see me tonight, and to call him if I am not busy. I was so happy I could have jumped out of my seat! It felt really good to know that I am not the one doing all the pursuing. We did end up going out, and I think things are headed in a positive direction. He made lots of references to our relationship in a positive light, and talked about him being a groomsan for his cousings wedding, and that he knew I would look forward to buying a new dress to wear to it (I am kind obsessed with dresses). So it was really good! It was killing me not to ask questions like "where are we going with this, do you love me, etc" but I held it together and was just light and didn't discuss our relationship, I let him do it. He then made solid plans for next Friday to see a play in town, (Portland, Oregon). I am just taking everything with a grain of salt, but I am REALLY hoping that we are making baby steps towards reconciliation. There hasn't been and kissing, etc, but it's so hard not to want to do that. How are you doing?
PinkRibbon Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Sounds really really great! I am so happy that he called first! You go girl! baby steps nice and slow. You lucky ducky! Keep us posted as to what is going on now ok? i am doing ok. I am closing on my house the 29th of May woohoo!! So I am going to start weeding through junk and packing. I haven't heard from Piggy. How long do you go before you had contact? I called him Sunday night and left a meassge very upbeat sounding about getting my stuff out of his garage so we can wrp this up and lose each others numbers. But I haven't heard from him. Maybe he is out of town but I would figure he would give me a courtsy call. But nothing. I hope he hasn't chucked my stuff??? I really don't want to call again and ask for the stuff and I mean it takes up about half of his garage. So it is not just a little stuff. Maybe I should wait for him to get tired of it in there and contact me? Sound ok?
Author bluewolf17 Posted May 1, 2009 Author Posted May 1, 2009 That is so great! New house, new start! I am actually moving this weekend as well! My ex and I went about about 4 weeks without contact. It was awful. Imagine icecream, tears, lots of tissue and sleeping all day...that was me. Called in sick to work a week straight. Very sad indeed. I feel like you know my story, and I don't know yours! Is this new? Was this an ex husband or boyfriend? How long have you been broken up? I can't beleive he wouldn't call you back about that. Does he know you are moving and need your things back?
PinkRibbon Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 No he doesn't know I will be moving. But he doesn't know I am buying a house. I just decided Monday night when I looked and already approved and offered and scheduled a closing date. So fats??? I didn't know it was that fast. But I guess it is meant to be. He was my boyfriend. We dated a little over a year. I mean perfect time. No major fussing, no major fighting, got along great. The thursday before he broke up he said he couldn't be happier if he had died and gone to heaven. We talked all day, every day since we met. We had 3 a total of 3 arguments since we started dating. Every argument was about the same thing. He said he co owned a house with his ex girlfriend and that she will still live there until the daughter graduated from high school. 2 years more. So we have been more and more talking about all or future plans that people do, living together, moving to another state together and just growing old and being silly in nursing homes together. Well January I told him that I couldn't make serious future plans with him until this with his ex is resolved. I told him I am not telling him what to do but how I feel about the situation. That I am scared because of past relationships and until he finalizes this I will never feel 100% secure in our future plans. So 1st of January he said he talked to her and they were going to sell in march. So march nothing and we talked again and he said he talked to her and they would sell.
PinkRibbon Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 So April 10th my mother asked something about the house and I interjected and said it takes a long time to do this and she said sure she understands and that was that. later that night after everyone went to bed (we were visiting my mom) I asked him if they had listed the house and he said he didn't know. I said well do you have a realtor and he said he didn't know. And I said well how come and he said he hasn't talked to her since March 1. I was like you don't know anything? And he said no. So we went to bed. Next day going home I blew up in the car for about 30-1 hour. I was so mad and told him because I felt like he was just saying enough to keep me quiet. That if he would just tell me what is going on with the house I would understand. Just to talk to me. I don't care if they sell, give her the money, give the money away, get your name off the deed, give her the house.....I just want that part done. I told him it is not the money I want just him and to know he is just with me and serious about us. I am starting to feel like Fun Girl Friday. So he broke up. Said it was none of my business, if they sell they sell, he is not going to think about it anymore. Sent my mom a nasty email saying the same thing and to lose his number and email and cursed in the email to her. Come to find out last week his name is not on the house. It has not been on the house since before we met. Why in the world lie?? Why keep telling me the lie that is causing the problems??? So I text him Saturday said I knew about the house and I feel this is a misunderstanding and that we can work through this. That this is to enough to break us up. No answer. So Sunday night I sent him and email saying I was done crying and I will move on a forget about him since he obviously does not want to work on this. I am through begging him and I will forget him and everything about him, phone numbers, emails are gone. Left the message really sweet about my stuff in the garage and I haven't heard a peep. Phew.....!!!! Long story but that is it in a nutshell. BIG NUTSHELL hahahahaha
PinkRibbon Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 One thing so you don't think I am a meanie. This woman owned another house she was letting a friend live in and she makes BIG Duckies! So she has money. She is not poor and pitiful. So it is not like I was complaining about someone who couldn't live somewhere else.
PinkRibbon Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 That is so great! New house, new start! I am actually moving this weekend as well! My ex and I went about about 4 weeks without contact. It was awful. Imagine icecream, tears, lots of tissue and sleeping all day...that was me. Called in sick to work a week straight. Very sad indeed. I feel like you know my story, and I don't know yours! Is this new? Was this an ex husband or boyfriend? How long have you been broken up? I can't beleive he wouldn't call you back about that. Does he know you are moving and need your things back? Are you buying also? Does the ex know? Is it closer to him?
Author bluewolf17 Posted May 1, 2009 Author Posted May 1, 2009 I don't understand why he lied to you about the house..it just doesn't make sense..Why would he say his name is on it?? Hmm. Sounds just so odd. Did you ever ask him why he lied about that? I get it that you felt you couldn't make a future with him, due to the fact that his credit (and past) is tied up in his ex girlfriends house. Why was that such a big deal for him...this makes me want to find him and interigate him! Lol. But in all seriousness what a weird thing for him to do. So the break up is pretty new. Do you not have keys to his place so you can get your things? Honestly it sounds like he is being completly immature and selfish..I just don't get his angle. Do you think him and his ex had somthing going on? No, I am not buying a home. I work full time and go to school full time, so a mortgage is not my top priority. I am moving into a rental house in this really fun, young, funky part of Portland with a girlfriend. But it is actually about 12 blocks from the Ex. I didn't do that on purpose (really!). It just happend that way. My ex does know. He seemed pretty happy for me, he loves the area too.
PinkRibbon Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Don't know why he lied. Can't figure it out. What I don't figure is how this an who truly called, or text messaged me every 3 hours has gone cold turkey. Maybe he still had feelings for the ex. I am seriously beginning to think that. Maybe he wasn't that into me as I thought. Obvioulsy not if he could levae me.
Author bluewolf17 Posted May 1, 2009 Author Posted May 1, 2009 I saw a post of yours somewhere else in this forum, where you described him, and yourself. I kind of got the impression that this guy isn't the end for you..I know you loved him and are hurting because of his actions (or lack there of) but it sounds to me that maybe its the rejection that is hurting most of all. The simple fact that he left you, it causes us to really want that back. We want what we can't have. I am truly sorry he was so deceitful, and wasn't the person you thought you loved, but you have a good head on your shoulders, and if you sent Hooters girls back to the kitchen in shame, you will have no problems getting a better man who treats you how you deserve, and goes out of his way to make you happy. Maybe your right, maybe he wasn't that into it. Have you read the book "it's called a break up because it's broken'? It's by the same authors as "he's just not that into you" but it's focus is more on a break up from the dumpees view. I bought it after my breakup, and have read certain chapters over and over. It really makes sense, and made me feel much better. It's kind of an emberassing book to buy, but trust me, buy it. Or order it online. Keep me posted on if he replys to your text about your things. I can't beleive after a year he would just shut down on you like that and not even give you back your things. He better!!!
PinkRibbon Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 Thanks BlueWolf. I was talking tonight to my daughter who is a teenager about people coming into our lives for a purpose. And she asked what was R's purpose was because he left and broke your heart. I told her R's purpose was to make me not so shallow. I always have had a check list of things I look for in a man. Pretty boys with education. I told her R was given to me to show me that wonderful things come in the most unexpected packages. No matter how dumpy, frumpy or beat up the package what is inside is beautiful. And that we should not look at only the outside or what a person has but rather inside and I learned my lesson the hard way. Sometime what you want is not what you need. It took me getting hurt to learn that lesson. But I also told her that maybe it also was R's time to leave me. I learned my lesson but I also would not have went out to buy a house. I would have waited on him to decide OUR future. I would not be going back to school because I was always too busy with him. I want to teach Religion at a community college level so I need my masters. I wouldn't have gone. I want to write a story that has been swimming in my head and the info is just coming out. It wouldn't have if he was still here because it is about a version of R but a child version and I am using some of the funny things he would do and make it on a childs level. A really cute children's picture book. So I do hope I taught her something and I think I saw a glimmer of what was happening. And like I told her the house is only a mile down the road from him. Maybe it is not our time right now. I know I will see him again someday and maybe we both need to experience some different things and grow. The house was just too easy and too close to him and too perfect to not be for a reason. Maybe a year so down the road who knows....???? We were just too good together to let go but maybe later is better. Right now though I want no one. I am quite content at this moment to play on my computer and watch movies and hang out with my daughter. She goes to college in 2 years then I will have missed time chasing a man. A man can come later after she goes to school. I'll keep you posted on the stuff. I could be wrong about everything and he could just be an ahole who burned my stuff and hates me I think I will go to ebay and see if I can get the book undercover hahahah
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