Author stampdaddy Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 This is absolutely right. Why do people have trouble understanding this. Dude, I dont expect things to be easy, or even obtainable. BUT, YOU dont have a freaking clue, so ease up on the ONE WAY ROAD. You NEVER know... I used to have faith, BUT, I am the FIRST one here, in our situation to have all of this doubt, and feel for him, and I dont feel that I can ask hom for ANYTHING.. I was the one that called my ex's now husband and asked him for the golf date. I will NEVER be called for the same, but then, when I type this, how do I really know? IF he feels that it would be better to allow me in, then he will call. I AM NOT HOLDING MY BREATH
lkjh Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Stamp, if all of the adults would set aside their animosity, the children will be ok, I believe. Nobody has to lie to the kids. But it is in the delivery of the truth that will make the difference. Love has a way of healing people, including kids....if they see what a decent man you are, how truly you love their mother and how good you treat them, love will make them come around. Of course, their father has to set aside his anger and bitterness for the sake of the children. If he is truly a good father and a decent man, he can be truthful to them without being hateful to you and the ex-wife. This is so much bs. He can be a good father and still be angry about the two people that ripped his family apart. It is all up to the adults, really. The more decent you treat each other for the sake of the children, the better the children will cope. If people actually treated each other decent, this mess would have never started. This has nothing to do with love. It is about two people that wanted something and put everyone else behind their desires.
Reggie Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 no truer words could be said.... EVERYBODY, listen to these words F, no. They are bullsheet.
Reggie Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Dude, I dont expect things to be easy, or even obtainable. BUT, YOU dont have a freaking clue, so ease up on the ONE WAY ROAD. You NEVER know... I used to have faith, BUT, I am the FIRST one here, in our situation to have all of this doubt, and feel for him, and I dont feel that I can ask hom for ANYTHING.. I was the one that called my ex's now husband and asked him for the golf date. I will NEVER be called for the same, but then, when I type this, how do I really know? IF he feels that it would be better to allow me in, then he will call. I AM NOT HOLDING MY BREATH Is this guy Ghandi, Stamp? Are you serious? He probably wants to beat your ass, as he should(want to, that is).
Liquid Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Stamp, if all of the adults would set aside their animosity, the children will be ok, I believe. Nobody has to lie to the kids. But it is in the delivery of the truth that will make the difference. Love has a way of healing people, including kids....if they see what a decent man you are, how truly you love their mother and how good you treat them, love will make them come around. Of course, their father has to set aside his anger and bitterness for the sake of the children. If he is truly a good father and a decent man, he can be truthful to them without being hateful to you and the ex-wife. It is all up to the adults, really. The more decent you treat each other for the sake of the children, the better the children will cope. This is almost like saying it's okay to have unprotected sex with your HIV boyfriend/girlfriend because love will prevail or it's okay to kidnap your neighbor's baby as long as you can give her a better home than her biological parents and provide her with better opportunities. Stampdaddy may want to believe you because it may ease his possible guilt and pain.
tami-chan Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 I think you guys are afraid that stamp might actually get the girl in the end and be happy with her and the kids....AND have a decent relationship with the ex-husband.
boldjack Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Shemp, Tami's words are very true and wise in "OZ', but we live in the real world. Her ex is going to make himself look good and her look bad, either consciously or unconsciously. You , as the OM, will come out of this as the villain. No matter what you do , those kids are going to mistrust and marginalize you and when they get older and know the complete story, what then? How are you going to explain that you broke up their "happy", family? They won't blame either of their parents, but they must blame someone, guess who!
Reggie Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 If Stamp has a happy, healthy relationship with the H and kids, I'll eat 50 hard boiled eggs in one sitting. Or, I'll take on Chuck Lidell in a cage match.:bunny:
tami-chan Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 This is one of the most naive and idiotic posts I have seen on this board. It's almost like saying, it's okay to have unprotected sex with your HIV boyfriend/girlfriend because love will prevail or it's okay to kidnapp your neighbor's baby as long as you can give her a better home than her biological parents and provide her with better opportunities. HUH????? ahmmm...are you okay? Dude if you got punked by your Mrs. and you want to continue to feed your kids hatred and venom, that is entirely your choice....but not all people are like you. Stampdaddy so DESPERATELY wants to believe your garbage because it helps ease his own selfish heart from guilt and pain. Some call it denial while others call it justification. It's all the same.What justification? The MW and her husband are divorcing. Stamp still loves her. She still loves stamp. What is the problem? Ok., so they started it wrong. Still she is divorcing...her husband does not want to be with her anymore, so what does he care? And what is so idiotic about all adults putting the children first now? to repair the damage? Should they continue to channel their father's bitterness because he can't get over it? Please....pathetic. Grow some...
boldjack Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Tami, you are an eternal optimist. I've been the OM in several situations. Very, very, very, few end up with every one being happy and adjusting to the new situation without rancor. As a matter of fact, I've never seen it even once. Shemp, HOPE FOR THE BEST, BUT PREPARE FOR THE WORST.
norajane Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 I think you guys are afraid that stamp might actually get the girl in the end and be happy with her and the kids....AND have a decent relationship with the ex-husband. Since "the girl" has been honing her deception, lying and manipulation skills on everybody she knows for the last 4 or 5 years, and now that her husband has had enough and they're divorcing, yes, yes we ARE worried that she'll use stamp as her life preserver and take him down and all their combined children with her. And we're worried that your pollyanna view is only encouraging him to stay blind to the fact that SHE is one of the adults in this mess, and that SHE cannot be relied upon to treat anyone decently as she hasn't been capable of that, oh, maybe ever.
tami-chan Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 If people actually treated each other decent, this mess would have never started Water under the bridge. Time to move on and start healing. This has nothing to do with love. It is about two people that wanted something and put everyone else behind their desires. Maybe so. But she is going to be single soon. So what if she ends up with Stamp, who loves her? Good for her and good for stamp. I hope the exH will find someone who totally deserves him- a wonderful, faithful wife.
tami-chan Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Since "the girl" has been honing her deception, lying and manipulation skills on everybody she knows for the last 4 or 5 years, and now that her husband has had enough and they're divorcing, yes, yes we ARE worried that she'll use stamp as her life preserver and take him down and all their combined children with her. And we're worried that your pollyanna view is only encouraging him to stay blind to the fact that SHE is one of the adults in this mess, and that SHE cannot be relied upon to treat anyone decently as she hasn't been capable of that, oh, maybe ever. LOL..my pollyanna view...keep the insults coming...please, since we cannot seem to discuss this without it. I am not worried about Stamp. He is a man-a thinking man. Whatever he decides, he will be responsible for it, for the fall-out( if there will be). I am not encouraging him to marry or discouraging him from marrying the MW. I am just saying if his only worry is the children accepting him, that can be worked on...for as long as all adults are willing to leave their animosity for their sake. It can be done. I have seen it.
boldjack Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Tami, you are a sweet-heart. Do you have ANY glasses that aren't rose-colored?:D
tami-chan Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Tami, you are a sweet-heart. Do you have ANY glasses that aren't rose-colored?:D Boldjack your patronising way is more representative of you than you are insulting me. I have never talked bad about my serial cheating husband to my child, never. If one day we will decide to divorce I will still not talk bad about him. Children should not be made to choose between their parents, at least not emotionally. Call me naive or an idiot but my first reaction to D-day was how to protect my daughter from the fall-out...
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Boldjack your patronising way is more representative of you than you are insulting me. I have never talked bad about my serial cheating husband to my child, never. If one day we will decide to divorce I will still not talk bad about him. Children should not be made to choose between their parents, at least not emotionally. Call me naive or an idiot but my first reaction to D-day was how to protect my daughter from the fall-out... You cant protect your daughter from the harsh realities of this world forever! So while you think it's okay to out your head in the sand and ignore your surroundings than do so. but dont think that everyone is going to do the same. I'd rather know the truth... And kids are alot smarter than what you give them credit for, she may already know. lol. Where's your self respect? Your still married to the man that's cheated on you? disrespected your marriage, and yet you condone cheating? Also think it's okay for "true love" to blossom? Really?
tami-chan Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 You cant protect your daughter from the harsh realities of this world forever! So while you think it's okay to out your head in the sand and ignore your surroundings than do so. but dont think that everyone is going to do the same. I'd rather know the truth... And kids are alot smarter than what you give them credit for, she may already know. lol. Where's your self respect? Your still married to the man that's cheated on you? disrespected your marriage, and yet you condone cheating? Also think it's okay for "true love" to blossom? Really? LOL...whatever. You like to talk about self-respect and all that. The fact of the matter is , your GF did not think you were worthy to even work on your relationship and you got dumped. And you are here angry and bitter and telling yourself you are over her..NOT....if you have at least a cajon you would be indifferent to her and what she did to you. You do not know anything about my relationship with my H or where it stands now. So go fly a kite.
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 LOL...whatever. You like to talk about self-respect and all that. The fact of the matter is , your GF did not think you were worthy to even work on your relationship and you got dumped. And you are here angry and bitter and telling yourself you are over her..NOT....if you have at least a cajon you would be indifferent to her and what she did to you. You do not know anything about my relationship with my H or where it stands now. So go fly a kite. LMAO!!!! LMAO!!!! LMFAO!ROFL! She cheated, then I dumped her... I had self respect because unlike all of these lovesick puppy dog men, I kicked her to the curb. I didnt beg for her back, I didnt pine after her. I went straight to anger mode. I'm not bitter... Not anymore. I was just mad because I did everything right and yet she threw it away because she was the liar, and the cheater. She lied when I asked for the truth! I dont forget bad things that happen to me in my life...ever. that's the bad thing about being me. and I am indifferent. I'm living my life, making good money, have a great job. And why so defensive? where do you and your husband stand? Is he still in the house? Is he making things better, or are you gonna hold it against him and have a revenge affair?
boldjack Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Tami, sorry if you thought I was "patronizing" I am trying to defuse what has become a very rancorous thread with a little (ok, very little) humor. Yes I think your opinion is naive, but I think that,s probably a good thing, it gives Stamp another, more optimistic viewpoint. I would be interested, how you arrived at it, from first-hand or through reading or web-sites?
lkjh Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Tami do you live in some magical world that none of us have seen? Stamp you must be really desperate if you honestly believe you stand a shot of being accepted by this family.
Author stampdaddy Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 Tami do you live in some magical world that none of us have seen? Stamp you must be really desperate if you honestly believe you stand a shot of being accepted by this family. Nope, never will I stand a chance, EVER... I was just telling you how "I" handled things in MY breakup of MY marriage.. I thought that my exW "maybe" had been seeing her now husband (these thoughts came about during our divorce), but figured, A) what can I do about it now and B) what is best in the BIGGER PICTURE. So, I called him to play golf and had "the talk". Now, I have a bigger family. This is an entirely different situation with an entirely different outcome.
whichwayisup Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Stamp, if all of the adults would set aside their animosity, the children will be ok, I believe. Nobody has to lie to the kids. But it is in the delivery of the truth that will make the difference. Love has a way of healing people, including kids....if they see what a decent man you are, how truly you love their mother and how good you treat them, love will make them come around. Of course, their father has to set aside his anger and bitterness for the sake of the children. If he is truly a good father and a decent man, he can be truthful to them without being hateful to you and the ex-wife. It is all up to the adults, really. The more decent you treat each other for the sake of the children, the better the children will cope. IF this were to happen, it's going to take a very long time. Those kids will need to deal with their lives changing, and everything else that goes along with it. Right now, and even a year or maybe 2 years, those kids shouldn't have to meet someone new. That goes for both MW and her soon to be ex H. (that is if he meets someone new)
Owl Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 I hate to t/j but this brings up an issue I just don't understand. It would appear that you gathered up your kids to do some 'border patrolling' with regard to keeping your W 'within lines'. Do you ever feel that her 'love' for you is fueled by her fear of losing her kids? If so, how genuine does that feel? I could never coerce my H or anyone to stay with me if they didn't love me. Knowing your story I suppose she woke up from the depression fog and realized she did indeed love you? Howso? She was the one who insisted that they "meet" OM over the phone on the same day that she was "busted" by me and decided to leave to live with him. I didn't speak to them AT ALL about the whole situation when this all occurred...I told her to talk with them when they got home from school, and I left the house because there was no way I could have been any kind of civil during the whole conversation. I didn't "rally the troops" against her...they did this entirely on their own in response to learning about her affair and subsequent choice to leave to live with him. Entirely without any kind of input from me.
Owl Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 Stamp, if all of the adults would set aside their animosity, the children will be ok, I believe. Nobody has to lie to the kids. But it is in the delivery of the truth that will make the difference. Love has a way of healing people, including kids....if they see what a decent man you are, how truly you love their mother and how good you treat them, love will make them come around. Of course, their father has to set aside his anger and bitterness for the sake of the children. If he is truly a good father and a decent man, he can be truthful to them without being hateful to you and the ex-wife. It is all up to the adults, really. The more decent you treat each other for the sake of the children, the better the children will cope. Not at all. You're thinking that the kids would WELCOME someone who helped betray one of their parents, and deliberately help sabotage their family and homelife? My kids certainly didn't, and that was with NO input from me whatsoever. My oldest son told OM point blank that he'd NEVER have anything to do with him. My kids refused to consider living or visiting with their mom when they learned of her affair and subsequent plan to live with OM. All of this BEFORE I ever spoke to them at all about the situation. I didn't "poison their minds". My wife tried to find a way to break the situation to them and get their 'buyoff' on it. She got blown out the water by them. They knew right from wrong without any input from me on the subject. Would they have eventually accepted OM? I don't know...but I'd heartily doubt they'd ever give him the chance to get that close to them. Personally, I think its ludicrous to think that we should EXPECT everyone to welcome the OW/OM into the family. If life were that simple and easy...there'd have been no reason to sneak around in an affair in the first place, right? Stamp has it right...odds are very high that he'll NEVER be accepted by her family, her friends, her children, etc...
Author stampdaddy Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 Stamp has it right...odds are very high that he'll NEVER be accepted by her family, her friends, her children, etc... I know this is the cyber world, BUT, I do live in the REAL WORLD. I know the score, I just don't know how to play this game anymore. Time will tell what comes out of this and whether or not we could move forward and at what pace if we were to..
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