IcemanJB Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 Last night I took a huge step forward. I was sitting at work last night, just finishing some stuff up, when my friend calls and asks to go grab a beer. I was pretty exhausted, but I thought "why not" and suggested we go to the place my sister works at. Now this is a brand new place, but I knew there was a girl who worked there that had caught my eye the last time I was there. My friend and I sat down there, and eventually she came over to talk to my sis while she was taking our food order. I got her name, made her laugh, then my buddy and I went over to the bar to have a beer. I noticed said girl looking at me a few times, which my buddy commented on as well. As the restaurant section started to die down, she was out there starting to clean up. I had my friend sort of "scope" for me, as to when a good time to approach her would be. Right as I finish my beer, my friend goes "go NOW." Then I did something I've NEVER done before in my life. Walked straight up to her as she was by herself, looked her in the eyes and said: "Your name's ____, right? I have to ask you something. Can I give you my number? You can text, call, whatever. No pressure." She smiled and said yes. I mentioned to her that I had to take my "drunk, cripple" friend home (haha, he messed up his shoulder so it's in a sling), but we talked for a couple minutes and I headed on my way. On my way home I got a text from her, saying basically I have no excuse not to use her number now. I think I'm still in shock that I did that. I have no idea where I mustered that confidence from (and I wasn't drunk or even buzzed). Don't get me wrong I was nervous, but it felt...right. So what's the next step? I was thinking about texting her tomorrow, to see when she's working next. Any advice? Usually the girl is going after me, so this is sort of new to me. Thanks guys.
dreamergrl Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 If I were her, I'd like a call instead of a text. Way to go though!
Mahatma Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 If I were her, I'd like a call instead of a text. Way to go though! I agree. Make a call, but keep it short. Call her right before you are leaving to do something. Allow for 10 minutes max. Just get the essentials and maybe make some short small talk at the end before you leave.
Author IcemanJB Posted April 30, 2009 Author Posted April 30, 2009 Ah, talking on the phone has to be one my least favorite things to do in the world. But it does sound like the right thing to do in this case...
Mahatma Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 Ah, talking on the phone has to be one my least favorite things to do in the world. But it does sound like the right thing to do in this case... Just make it short. Ask her how she is doing, then ask the questions you want, then you are done. If it feels right, make some small talk, then leave. Should be painless as possible haha.
dreamergrl Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 Ah, talking on the phone has to be one my least favorite things to do in the world. But it does sound like the right thing to do in this case... Mine too, but, I think in this case, it would be better to call. You obviously made a great first impression, keep it going! Btw... how's the weather in Madison? I'm like 45 minutes away lol
Author IcemanJB Posted April 30, 2009 Author Posted April 30, 2009 Mine too, but, I think in this case, it would be better to call. You obviously made a great first impression, keep it going! Btw... how's the weather in Madison? I'm like 45 minutes away lol Cloudy and rainy. At least it's not cold! So let's say I call her tomorrow (2 days after we met). Asking when she works doesn't sound too creepy does it? lol
dreamergrl Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 Cloudy and rainy. At least it's not cold! So let's say I call her tomorrow (2 days after we met). Asking when she works doesn't sound too creepy does it? lol Just simply ask her if she'd like to go out sometime, or pick a day to ask her about. If it doesn't work, then ask her what would work for her, and leave the ball in her court.
Mahatma Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 Cloudy and rainy. At least it's not cold! So let's say I call her tomorrow (2 days after we met). Asking when she works doesn't sound too creepy does it? lol That's doing a step that you've already completed. You already know she is interested. There is no reason to go to her work anymore in effort to start a relationship. Now you take her out somewhere.
loveslife Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 Why the heck would you wait until tomorrow? Sheesh, I hate these games. Call her today. Maybe brunch on Sunday? That's nice and relaxing. Non-threatening and casual, yet also kinda special. Just my two cents.
dreamergrl Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 That's doing a step that you've already completed. You already know she is interested. There is no reason to go to her work anymore in effort to start a relationship. Now you take her out somewhere. I think OP meant to find out when she's free....
Mahatma Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 I think OP meant to find out when she's free.... Possibly, but I do not think that was his plan. From his first post: I was thinking about texting her tomorrow, to see when she's working next. It sounded like he wanted to find out when she was working again so he could go up there to chat with her again. I would think if he was wanting to know when she was able to go out, he would care more about when she is "free."
dreamergrl Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 Cloudy and rainy. At least it's not cold! So let's say I call her tomorrow (2 days after we met). Asking when she works doesn't sound too creepy does it? lol Possibly, but I do not think that was his plan. From his first post: It sounded like he wanted to find out when she was working again so he could go up there to chat with her again. I would think if he was wanting to know when she was able to go out, he would care more about when she is "free." But now he's moved forward
Author IcemanJB Posted April 30, 2009 Author Posted April 30, 2009 That's a good point whoever said I've already passed the point of seeing her at work. Good call, won't go there. I thought about asking her to lunch or coffee this weekend sometime. That's usually pretty harmless, and she (or I) can bail if needed. Any other takers for not doing the stupid waiting game? I hate playing games as well, but I'm still looking to maximize chances here.
start-fresh Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 Yay for WI! Anyway, it's been my experience that if the girl's interested, a call the next day is not a problem. She's most likely agonizing about whether or not you'll call anyway. Girls, doesn't the whole waiting three days thing get old anyway?
hopesndreams Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 Call her asap, ask her if she would like to go out to dinner with you and when she's available (not working). Dinner, a few drinks, relaxing conversation. I think just meeting up for a coffee doesn't give enough time to get to know each other, the place could be too hectic, noisy, bright lights, etc. Maybe the coffee will make you both jittery? lol. Show you are interested, call her as soon as you can. Right now even.
Author IcemanJB Posted April 30, 2009 Author Posted April 30, 2009 I'll call her after class and work tonight, and let you guys know how it went.
Mahatma Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 That's a good point whoever said I've already passed the point of seeing her at work. Good call, won't go there. I thought about asking her to lunch or coffee this weekend sometime. That's usually pretty harmless, and she (or I) can bail if needed. Any other takers for not doing the stupid waiting game? I hate playing games as well, but I'm still looking to maximize chances here. Playing that game only gets you people who also play games like that, and you will play them the entire relationship. As long as you are not pushy, there is no reason to wait 3 days or any of that junk.
Sephirothh Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Ok basics first, your going to call her, forget texting, texting works better when you meet someone online.... eventually your big plan is to set up a date with her, Make sure you have a pretty lengthy phone call as much as you can and keep her talking. Try to at least exceed a half an hour on the phone DO NOT MAKE IT SHORT, find out the basics if she's got siblings, what her parents do, don't talk about any BS like what do you look for in a guy or anything to that regard. If you fail at phone calls have a piece of paper next to you so when you two run out of things to say you can start it up again...try and keep her talking...then its all you on how you ask her where to go, coffee is kinda lame but if she is into that then go with it....try and get her alone not with friends...sunday is your best bet, hopefully she will ask you out if your phone call was good enough.....I know it sucks that guys have to do everything but sometimes u get lucky, the more you talk on the phone the better chance you will have at seeing her fast enough.
yeex Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Make sure you have a pretty lengthy phone call as much as you can and keep her talking. Try to at least exceed a half an hour on the phone DO NOT MAKE IT SHORT, find out the basics if she's got siblings, what her parents do, don't talk about any BS like what do you look for in a guy or anything to that regard. . This is bad advice in my opinion. Keep the first phone call short like 10 minutes and the main goal is to set up the date. When you are on the date, you can then chat all you want. Just call her and ask how she is doing and what has she been up to and a little about yourself in a casual way. Make her laugh a couple of times and then ask for the date within ten minutes and no more than 15 max if the conversation is decent. You want to keep her on her toes a little and have more to talk about on the date. After dating a few times, then you can go into the more lengthy phone conversations.
thegoodlife Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Glad to hear you're back in man! Bold move on your part, don't see too many people doing that anymore, so props. Waiting to hear how the call goes tomorrow, though I'm expecting it will be pretty short and painless Good luck!
northstar1 Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 This is bad advice in my opinion. Keep the first phone call short like 10 minutes and the main goal is to set up the date. When you are on the date, you can then chat all you want. Just call her and ask how she is doing and what has she been up to and a little about yourself in a casual way. Make her laugh a couple of times and then ask for the date within ten minutes and no more than 15 max if the conversation is decent. You want to keep her on her toes a little and have more to talk about on the date. After dating a few times, then you can go into the more lengthy phone conversations. I agree with this. Calls in the beginning should be to setup a date etc - save the questions/long talks for in person, where you can see if there is chemistry. Way too many people I know have spent hours on the phone with someone they've just met, thinkign they have a wonderful rapport, only to have it all fall apart in person.
Author IcemanJB Posted May 1, 2009 Author Posted May 1, 2009 She texted me while she was at work last night saying she couldn't talk. She said she has to work a double shift again today, but would let me know when/if she can chat in between. I just said let me know, and she said ok. Hopefully I'm not just being dragged along here, but I mean she contacted me like 15 minutes after I gave her my number so...haha i have no idea. I'll keep you updated if we end up talking today. EDIT: I planned on keeping the phone conversation short. I hate talking on the phone, and would rather get to know her face-to-face, where I am most confident.
openbook08 Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 i just LOVED this story 10/10 for you my friend, if only there were more like you! fantastic, hope it works out in your favour & if not "its just a ****ing date" youve taken the first step! whoop!!
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