ray_of_sunshine Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 Hi, so I have a fwb and i'm going to try and keep this short... Is it normal for a fwb to say they want to be affectionate, give you compliments etc and say that you need to be treated right even if it just sex blah blah blah? And is it normal to kiss, and for them to say they are going to kiss you all over your body... Am I being paranoid or do they kinda have feelings? I could be wrong though, I'm not sure. I'm confused, someone help lol. Oh, and another thing, when you end it and they message you about two months later asking if you missed them?
Bejita463 Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 That does not really sound as though it is part of the FWB package, but I've never been in a relationship like that. So take my opinion with a pinch of salt and a touch of garlic.
Author ray_of_sunshine Posted April 30, 2009 Author Posted April 30, 2009 I'm a bit thick but what do you mean by it's not part of the package? It seems a little strange doesn't it?
Kamille Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 Every FWB arrangement is unique. Some FWB share more then just sex and can be quite romantic with each other. The one thing that's off the table is the possibility of the friendship to turn into a relationship, for whatever reasons. What you have to take into consideration are the reasons why a FWB arrangement made sense to the both of you at one point. Why did you both favor being FWB?
Bejita463 Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 I'm a bit thick but what do you mean by it's not part of the package? It means that does not sound to me quite how a FWB relationship is supposed to work. From the perspective of an ignorant outsider, I always thought a certain emotional distance was supposed to be present that does not appear to be present in your situation. Asking if you've missed them? Uh. Maybe I just don't understand how FWB relationships are supposed to be, but that seems a question that is out of place and not really their business. I emphasize again though, that this is an area I do not know what I am talking about.
Author ray_of_sunshine Posted April 30, 2009 Author Posted April 30, 2009 We both decided to do it for fun. It just frightenes me the things he comes out with sometimes lol.
Author ray_of_sunshine Posted April 30, 2009 Author Posted April 30, 2009 Yes, I know what you mean. It's questions like that what I find wierd.
fishtaco Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 Kamille is right. Every situation is different. Although ideally the more enduring sex-only relationships are FB (f**k buddies). Sex and nothing else. You don't even go grab lunch together. That still won't mean emotions won't develop, but there would be less chance of it happening. What you want to avoid is emotional attachment. So if you can play all the romantic games and still not be attached, then I don't see any issues. Relationships, even a sex only one, is a cooperation. If you don't like the romance stuff, tell him to cut it down. Meet each other half way.
Author ray_of_sunshine Posted May 1, 2009 Author Posted May 1, 2009 I did tell him to cut it out, and then all i got was "What, i'm not allowed to be caring and affectionate?" So i said no and he said he wants to... It felt like banging my head against a wall lol. I don't understand men at all....
fishtaco Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 That happens a lot actually. When you don't want a relationship, you keep running into ones that do. And when you're ready for one, you keep meeting ones that won't commit. This happens to both men and women. He won't even meet you half way, even after knowing you're not comfortable with the romance stuff? Put this back on him, go on the offense. Turn this into he's selfish and all he cares about is what he wants. He obviously doesn't care that you're not comfortable with the romance stuff. The downside of pushing it is the FWB could end right now. So use your judgment on how hard to push it. You could always just push him away, get up, get dressed and leave every time. If he complains then tell him you already told him you don't want any of the romance stuff.
stace79 Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Every situation is different. Some guys like to please, so it's normal they would want to treat you affectionately and make sure your needs are attended to. The only part that would bug me would be the "miss me" part... That's a little off.
Lizzie60 Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Hi, so I have a fwb and i'm going to try and keep this short... Is it normal for a fwb to say they want to be affectionate, give you compliments etc and say that you need to be treated right even if it just sex blah blah blah? And is it normal to kiss, and for them to say they are going to kiss you all over your body... Am I being paranoid or do they kinda have feelings? I could be wrong though, I'm not sure. I'm confused, someone help lol. Oh, and another thing, when you end it and they message you about two months later asking if you missed them? Of course it's normal to be affectionate.. it's Friends with benefits.. friends give compliments, are affectionate.. If you have sex.. I don't get it.. why wouldn't it be normal to kiss.. and kiss and lick every inch of their body.. it's great sex.. nothing special about it.. I think you're reading way too much.. maybe you're secretly wishing he would be in love with you.. but methink he's not.. he's just probably a good, attentive lover.. I get messages from FWB of years ago.. still saying they miss me.. and if I miss them... I just say 'yes'... Nothing unusual about your FWB relationships..
2sure Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 If 2 months can go by and not seeing him, I wouldnt think he is getting attached. As for the "romantic" things he says... Many many people, guys included - find sex lacking unless an element of romance and affection is included. Its still over when everybody goes home.
jadziaidaris Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 I am currently in a situation that I thought was friends with benefits but seems to be more. We talked about our friendship having the potential to be more early on, and very recently I mentioned that I wanted more because seemingly our excursions turned into dates. Even going out on double dates with a mutual friend. We are currently in limbo I suppose. So here is a list of questions that I thought I'd get others opinions on. 1. Do friends with benefits meet each others friends? 2. Do they talk about having babies and getting married and the future? For example my supposed FWB has asked me on various occasions to have a child with him 3. Are friends with benefits affectionate in public around other people they know? Like holding hands and getting grabby, like pinching each other butts and stuff. 4. Do they go out on dates to like the movies and dinners and shows? My FwB cooked me a romantic dinner for Valentine's day. We have gone out to the movies, baseball games and dinners. All date like activities. I guess the problem with my situation is that we never defined boundaries from the beginning and just tried to figure it out as it went along. So right now I feel like I am stuck in a place between having something and nothing.
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