You'reasian Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 This. It's one thing to decide you're tired of games and want someone, good, simpler, salt of the earth. It's another to get into an R like the above. A good, simple girl can be definitely attractive especially considering the complexity and drama that alot of guys experience in relationships.
Author Sephirothh Posted May 1, 2009 Author Posted May 1, 2009 The thing is whether you're "nice" or not does not necessarily apply when the going gets tough in a relationship. Even the nicest person has skeletons in his closet. For instance, a nice guy may not realize it but choosing to stare at the TV while his gf discusses important issues with him is going to ignite a fire. Sure he's still a nice guy but surely the gf also has something to "complain" about here. And it goes both ways obviously, male and female. well if your a nice guy that can put his foot down when he needs to, good at sex and intimacy, knows how to be romantic, knows how to have fun and relax when the moods are set your basically golden Like I said before you mix the good with the bad, more good then bad though, and the bad isn't really that bad and the good really isn't that good....most of the time nice guys are the ones that are referred to as "normal"
monkey00 Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 From what I've noticed there are 2 types: The doormat type of nice guy gets to be with the girl that's aggressive, he may or may not wind up the b*tch, but he may not necessarily like her that much but is settling with her because he's passive. The regular good guy nice guy usually gets along well with another nice girl. These nice girls are usually less catty, less gossipy, more mature, and headstrong than her catty counterparts. This type would make a good lasting relationship. I think the difficulty of most nice guys finding a nice girl is that these nice girls may not always be social and often require a matchmaker to introduce them. Not a lot of nice girls frequent bars/clubs, that's the problem I see. And not a lot of nice guys do the same either.
Menasha Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Well personally I had self esteem issues when I was younger, I didn't really know how to love my self all that well. I wouldn't attract any girls sexually but I constantly attracted them emotionally and build what I would think are strong friendships with them. Only to find out the lack of sexual attraction for me was the missing thing. Sexual attraction is great motivation for people to stick around!
Sam Spade Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Women who hate nice guys secretly want to be 'put in their place' and hate themselves (and the 'nice guys') for that . 'Nice girls' may have a lot more mojo than they're given credit for .
Woggle Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Women who hate nice guys secretly want to be 'put in their place' and hate themselves (and the 'nice guys') for that . 'Nice girls' may have a lot more mojo than they're given credit for . I have found that many of these ballbusting super independent types secretly have fantasies of a man that can stand up to them. They just melt when they meet their match. When a man won't take their crap they become attracted.
carhill Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Or they eat his testicles with fava beans and dispose of the uninteresting carcass
Woggle Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Or they eat his testicles with fava beans and dispose of the uninteresting carcass It depends on if he lets her.
Woggle Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 A man has to sleep sometime But if a man correctly puts a woman in check this won't happen.
Dexter Morgan Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 I am a reformed bad girl and looking for a nice guy myself. Dating bad boys is indeed fun but you end up with a whole lot of mess on your hands in the process. Here again, women settling for a nice guy when they really want a bad boy. This is why nice guys, or guys that respect women, need to be very selective. I let my last relationship deteriorate after a comment was made by my former gf when asked by her friends at a party about me not being the typical ahole she use to date. She said, "they were fun in their day, but I have a nice stable guy now".....to which I said, "excuse me??". Her friends knew right then and there she f'd up with that comment. After the excuse me I said, "nice to know I'm being settled for". I distanced myself from her after that and it was over within about 2 weeks. Of course I had to deal with a week or two of getting calls and texts from her about not wanting to lose me...but I wasn't interested after that.
spookie Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 There's nothing wrong with being nice, but it's nothing to write home about. Just cause you're not an a-hole doesn't mean there's something with the world because women don't want to date you. Why wouldn't you be nice, anyway - if it's actually "nice" we're talking about, and not the tendency to be a doormat? Like most women, I view niceness as a preliminary requirement. Nothing more, nothing less. Doormat tendencies, however, send me running. If you can't stand up for yourself, you won't be able to stand up for me.
You'reasian Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Women who hate nice guys secretly want to be 'put in their place' and hate themselves (and the 'nice guys') for that . 'Nice girls' may have a lot more mojo than they're given credit for . You've got a good point here. Its the nice girls secret weapon.
Trialbyfire Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 There's a strong element of entitlement in the opening post. In not being able to "get" the girls that the OP wants, he harbours resentment against the entire gender. Someone worthwhile, is going to be someone who's willing to fuel a relationship through investment. It also requires the ability to balance self, which includes strong personal boundaries from the start. There's nothing worse than someone who portrays themselves one way at the beginning, then changes partway into the relationship. Talk about dishonesty to the max! Doormats are like amorphous blobs. They can be pushed and shoved into any shape, with zero self-respect. Who in the world wants someone who doesn't have any self-respect, beyond low self-esteem men wanting girls that kiss their asses?
You'reasian Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 I let my last relationship deteriorate after a comment was made by my former gf when asked by her friends at a party about me not being the typical ahole she use to date. She said, "they were fun in their day, but I have a nice stable guy now".....to which I said, "excuse me??" And not every guy this girl dates was necessarily an A-hole. Maybe a few of the times it was her fault - she chose them, didn't she? A-hole or nice guy set aside, an intelligent, attractive and wonderful woman is going to go for a man that she finds intelligent, attractive and wonderful and her process is going to be more long-term with you, if she thinks you hit the mark. And damn you're gonna love every minute with her and its gonna fell like something you've never felt As for other kinds of women (good or bad qualities) 'bad guy' is the MO.
Woggle Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 There's nothing wrong with being nice, but it's nothing to write home about. Just cause you're not an a-hole doesn't mean there's something with the world because women don't want to date you. Why wouldn't you be nice, anyway - if it's actually "nice" we're talking about, and not the tendency to be a doormat? Like most women, I view niceness as a preliminary requirement. Nothing more, nothing less. Doormat tendencies, however, send me running. If you can't stand up for yourself, you won't be able to stand up for me. Why can't you stand up for yourself? I thought women were supposed to be strong and independent and able to take care of themselves.
Dexter Morgan Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 And not every guy this girl dates was necessarily an A-hole. Maybe a few of the times it was her fault - she chose them' date=' didn't she?[/quote'] Yes she did, and decided to let me know they were fun in their day, and I was nice and stable. Sorry, I won't be settled for. If as other women her put it that women don't want a doormat, then not being too fond of her comment was an inidcator that I am no such thing. A-hole or nice guy set aside, an intelligent, attractive and wonderful woman is going to go for a man that she finds intelligent, attractive and wonderful and her process is going to be more long-term with you, if she thinks you hit the mark. hit the mark how? everything she wants.....except some bad boy quality that she'd really like, but will settle for me out of stability? No thanks. And damn you're gonna love every minute with her and its gonna fell like something you've never felt Ya well, I was loving every minute with her, until she made that comment in response to her friends. Even her friends knew she messed up with her reply about bad boys being "fun in their day".
39388 Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Doormat tendencies, however, send me running. If you can't stand up for yourself, you won't be able to stand up for me. Doormats are like amorphous blobs. They can be pushed and shoved into any shape, with zero self-respect. Who in the world wants someone who doesn't have any self-respect, beyond low self-esteem men wanting girls that kiss their asses? Sadly, I completely mixed these two terms up between the ages of 13-33. That is a long long time. I thought I was a "nice guy" but I was nothing more than a doormat. Somehow I just didn't get it, even when given hints. I was usually afraid to ask for anything that I wanted in a social situation. I was afraid of getting an answer back "worse than no". I let a few bad incidents scare me. What I got out of this was very few friends (those who could put up with me) and nothing even resembling a romantic date. My behavior was extremely passive agressive. I'd let things build up for months and get into huge arguments with friends or family. I blamed people that cared about me the most for my loneliness, which I now know was boneheaded. I was sometimes like an inferno with flames going up hundreds of feet. Now, I never did anything worse than argue or break a few of my things. It cost me friends and put a lot of strain on my remaining friendships. I'm sometimes amazed any of the friendships lasted. The doormat behavior decreased over the last 2 years and is not so much anymore. As it did, the number of friends and variety of freinds increased and I finally got one date recently. It's still kind of scary to look back at all the damage I caused myself. I wonder how many "nice guys" are really doormats. It might be quite a few from what I read on here.
Author Sephirothh Posted May 2, 2009 Author Posted May 2, 2009 it's kinda funny how women can be considered "doormats" like they have basically there whole time on this earth until the last 20-30 years and its OK but when a guys a doormat he is pathetic.... personally we all know by my posts I despise womens beliefs on relationships and I said it once and I will say it again, the nice guy was working well for centuries before dating became a drama sitcom in the early 90s, before stupid girls went for the Bad guy people rarely got divorced, before stupid guys started thinking it was cool thing to do to cheat on their wives people rarely got divorced. Hence the biggest reason why people get divorced is lack of logic as people use this criteria towards dating (Heart/chemistry > Brain Logic)...... this goes for women and men now days which is only going to get worse, girls take the cake for lets date the a-hole he makes me feel so good about myself I love chasing him even though im just another girl to him....guys are ringers for lets bang this girl while im married so my friends will think im the man for getting away with it and getting what I want even though im tied down. It is only going to get worse, hence why these forums will keep getting flooded, dating wasn't meant to be hard, people just make it hard because they don't what the f*(# their doing.
paddington bear Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 Nice guys get ballbusting women who treat them like crap and cheat on them left and right. They are usually the guys you see getting chewed out in public in front of everybody becuase they happened to breathe wrong around her. This is so true, and I'm female. I've heard nice guys say 'I like nice girls' - but their concept of 'nice girls' is someone who treats them like crap, bosses and bullies them, is never ever pleased so they just have to work harder and harder in order to make her happy. It seems to me that these sort of women can spot a decent man a mile away and realise that they can manipulate them very easily because these guys have a conscience and try to do the right thing. It drives me crazy because I am the female equivalent of the nice guy, and the nice guys don't want a nice girl, they seem to want someone who treats them like a total doormat. And I certainly don't want some idiot commitment-phobic 'exciting' bad boy either, just someone who is copped on enough to realise that I would treat them well and that they would be happy with me, and that constant arguments and being put down in public is not love or any kind of respect. But, sigh, there are many nice guys out there who have yet to learn that lesson. As a vast generalisation I think men try to make the women in their life happy, if they took their wife/g.friend out for a meal and she liked it and had a good time that makes the man happy, if the woman has a problem and they can fix it, that makes them feel useful and happy and so on and on. What happens when a nice guy meets a demanding, nasty woman is that she uses all these honourable traits of his but never allows him the satisfaction of making her happy, thus when he does something nice for her, tries to help her out it is never quite good enough, thus setting up a strange, unhappy addictive cycle for him. He works harder to make her happy, but, alas, will never be able to do so because she will constantly change the goal posts of what she wants and needs and thus the cycle starts again. To comment on the original post I think the whole nice guy vs bad boy debate has two elements. One is that the nice guy is too easy to have, he wears his heart on his sleeve, you know you can have him, it all seems too easy, bad boys offer the thrill of not knowing whether they like you or not and when you finally 'get' them (which is rubbish anyway, you will never get a rewarding relationship from a bad boy), you feel like you've earned something really special. Also by being simply 'nice' can sometimes be seen as less sexy, IMO nice guys don't flirt as much, because they get rejected by women over and over, they lose confidence in themselves so don't project an image of someone you'd want to date because they've been knocked back to often. Flirt more nice guys and as soon as you see a woman giving you the let's be friends line or not wanting to date you, simply drop her, move on, don't pine and you'll be more attractive to the object of your affection and to others. The second element is the female side of the equation, a lot of women I think anyway, need to go through the hurt and pain of chasing the wrong kind of guys, to be treated like crap, to allow themselves to be treated like crap before they realise that the nice guys are actually far more worthy, easier to deal with than the emotional f*** ups who once seemed so exciting.
paddington bear Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 I have found that many of these ballbusting super independent types secretly have fantasies of a man that can stand up to them. They just melt when they meet their match. When a man won't take their crap they become attracted. Just had to comment on this as well, again I agree. Have a friend who had a long-term partner, who was malleable and did what she wanted, but she didn't seem happy and nor did he. She eventually left him for another guy. She said what I love about him is that he stands up to me, won't take any crap from me or let me boss him around. By not allowing her to walk all over him, he had her respect and let's face it, who can truly love someone if you can't respect them?
Woggle Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 I am a guy who appreciates nice girls. They are a rare gem and if a man can find one he should appreciate her. Noything wrong with trying to make a woman happy but if she never appreciates it and just throws it back in your face a man needs to remove her from his life.
DMoon Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 Funny thing is and I will be the first too admit it, I am more attracted to the party/drama queen girl rather then the typical nice girl, can we see a change coming...maybe becuz I have tested it, I am actually currently dating 2 girls that are so different it isn't even funny, but yet the girl who gives me more of a headache, DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA, Partys alot, plays games like you wouldn't believe, and not neccessarily use me, but I wouldn't say she is looking for a bf at the moment, is the girl I WANT TO DATE a heck of a lot more then the one who is much much better girlfriend material and kinda like the girl next door. SO FOR GUYS OR AT LEAST ME ITS PROBABLY THE SAME THING is this how its going to be, and now are the nice girls are going to be 2nd best to the pyscho drama queens. as of right now, for me it is. Now I do consider myself a pretty successful "nice guy" when it comes to women over the years but I am starting to lean more towards the grey area... That's the point right there. The male equivalent of preferring the bad girl with the excitement, angst and drama, as opposed to the "nice" pathos free girl. There is no “grey” area, thus, what is the point of your post. You are just as much to blame for the dynamic as women who supposedly only want bad boys but keep a nice guy in reserve. Your complaint is just another variation on seeking the Madonna-whore archetype so that “nice” guys don’t get bored.
Sam Spade Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 Just had to comment on this as well, again I agree. Have a friend who had a long-term partner, who was malleable and did what she wanted, but she didn't seem happy and nor did he. She eventually left him for another guy. She said what I love about him is that he stands up to me, won't take any crap from me or let me boss him around. By not allowing her to walk all over him, he had her respect and let's face it, who can truly love someone if you can't respect them? Yeah... the question is how effed up do you need to be to actually "need" somebody to "stand up" to you. How hard it is to have a reciprocal, sane, low-maintenance relationship . This exactly what little children do when behaving terribly - test their parents limits, because they are insecure in their love, and so if they really love them, they'll love them no matter what and how terrible they do, right? :sick: I'm holding onto my "nice girl" for dear life and won't swap her for any of that kind of drama.
You'reasian Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 I have found that many of these ballbusting super independent types secretly have fantasies of a man that can stand up to them. They just melt when they meet their match. When a man won't take their crap they become attracted. If a woman gives you unreasonable crap, show her to the door... You can do it the nice guy way - come up with an excuse - which eventually pushes the issue/s on the next guy or be direct about it - doing so makes you the jerk - and even if she corrects, her friends are gonna hate you once she's cooled off and if she lets it go.
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