John23 Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 I have been married to a woman for 29 years. We are still in love and have had an excellent sex life. We have sex approximately 5 times per week average. We had sex every day the first few years of marriage. We both have a very high sex drive. We have no children, are both very physically fit -I run 7 miles a day and work out in the gym, she runs 5 miles a day and works with free weights. While we both are in our late 40’s we both look in our 30's. We have a large amount of assets together. We are set to retire in another year. But I have a problem. I have been seeing another woman for the past 14 years. She is married to a guy whom she loves very much but has had no interest in sex for the past 16 years or so. She also has no children. We met through a mutual friend and hit it off right away. We rent an apt together so we have a place to meet. It is on the other side of the city so we are not known over there. We have had this apt for 13 years. The people we meet in that building think we are a couple. We meet an average of 4 times a week. We have stayed overnight together there a few times when our respective spouses have traveled for business. She is in incredible shape and is unbelievable in bed. If I had to rate the sex with her it would be 10/10. With my wife it is 8/10. We have discussed our relationship and while we are fond of each other we both don’t love each other. We are both fine with this arrangement. I have many days that I have sex with both in the same day, sometimes twice with one and once with the other. This pace was fine when I was younger but as I age I am finding it a bit of a challenge to keep up with both women. I tried to slow down with my lover but since she doesn’t get any sex at all at home she was not happy. I tried to slow it down with my wife and she was not happy either. She would climb on top of me at night, get me aroused and we would have intercourse. So I figured the affair had run its course and I would stop seeing this woman. When I mentioned this to her all hell broke loose. She threatened to tell my wife and if this gets back to her I fear she will leave me and our retirement plans that we have worked so hard for will be gone. I asked my lover what she wanted from me-money, real estate or cash and she told me that she wants to keep on with the sex. I am afraid of having ED problems in the future. How do I fix this mess I am in? FWIW my wife had a one-night stand the 4th year of our marriage. She was at an office party and drank too much. On the car ride back home a colleague made advances towards her and she did not resist. They had sex right in the back of the car. She didn’t tell me about this for a few months but I knew something was up as she was depressed and miserable. Finally she told me and sobbed and cried for 2 days. It took her months to get over this little indiscretion. While I was shocked with what happened I loved her and was willing to forget about it. She punished herself for a long time after. I know she will be devastated if she finds out about my affair. Please help.
GorillaTheater Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 You throw in that "p.s." at the end as if your wife's ONS somehow excuses your behavior. It doesn't. Time to man up, my friend. Either break things off with the girlfriend or divorce your wife. Either way, come clean with your wife and try not to be terribly shocked if, in the end, you wind up with neither one. Consider the set back asset-wise, if you divorce, as the price you pay for 14 years of action.
TaraMaiden Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 "Oh what a tangled web we weave When first we practice to deceive." This, if anybody is interested to learn the lesson, is truly kamma in action. Your actions have followed you just as surely as the cart must follow the oxen. You have woven a web of deceit around your marriage and now, you are stuck. All your male macho bravado and fit lean body are nothing measured against your actions. They simply demonstrate you to be weak of flesh and greedy for sexual gratification. You know, really, the one and only thing you can possibly do to stop this madness? Tell your wife. You must tell your wife. What then happens, is not entirely under your control, but you will have to deal with it nevertheless. of all the options, it is the least evil. I wish you luck and courage. You are going to need it. but any other way is simply cowardice.
Molley Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 It really is Karma, you need to come clean and then try to move on, make it right, kiss her a** if you want to stay with her, maybe she'll forgive you maybe not.
quankanne Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 Tell. Your. Wife. and let her decide if your marriage is worth saving, since you obviously arent in a position to do so yourself, as you are beholden to your lover, and not the woman you married. although I'm not sure why, if the both of you were so unhappy with your sex lives, you felt the need to remain married to your spouses when you could be with each other with your "10/10" sex?
greengoddess Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 You have been having an affair for half of your marriage? :sick:Your poor wife. She has been living a total lie for 13 years. YOU STOLE 13 YEARS OF YOUR WIFES LIFE FROM HER. You gave her no option to live her life as she chooses for 13 years. Plus you have been using marital assets to pay for an apartment. You are one sick dude. I wouldn't tell your wife. Can you imagine finding out 13 years of your happily married life has been a lie?!!! Personally I would substantially up your life insurance and find a nice bridge.
greengoddess Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Call the ow's bluff. If she tells your wife then her husband finds out. Is she really wanting that?
2sure Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Call the ow's bluff. If she tells your wife then her husband finds out. Is she really wanting that? Ding Ding Ding. This is so obvious, I have to wonder if OP is seriously questioning what he should do. You said she loves her H and does not want to leave him. Both of your situations/thoughts are the same. But now that you are unable to continue having as much sex as you were previously - she is not willing to amicably finish up. I mean, what can she do. Sure, you can take Viagra - but that wont give you the energy you need for 2 women or even the drive of a younger man. It will just give you a hard on. I mean, she cannot stop or forbid you from aging!! LOL. Just gather some documentation, like an email from her explaining that her beloved H doesn't satisfy her and tell her alls fair in love and war. You have been able to figure out how to cheat on your wife for 14 years...but THIS stumps you??
greengoddess Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 You have been able to figure out how to cheat on your wife for 14 years...but THIS stumps you?? :laugh: This is actually so sad. He says he really loves his wife. She will never believe that. No man that is in love with his wife could actively on a daily basis deceive her for this long. Did you not once in all these years think of the repercussions of your actions. If your wife finds out she will be a shell of the woman she is today. The good news is she will eventually be able to move on and live an honest life with someone who truely does love her. Sounds like she kept herself great, She can be a cougar. Did it ever occur to you that sex with ow is better because it is forbidden and risky in your little love nest?
pparrott Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Not sure telling your wife is a great idea & I also don't agree that you have stolen 13 years of her life. I think that while what you did - WOAH!! Is the mother of all affairs........Seems to me the only answer is to call the other woman's bluff. She's gonna have to get off the gravy train & either tell her husband or just shut the F up & keep this to herself & amicably separate herself from you. You said you're not in love........Then what's the big deal!!! Give up the apartment, stop seeing her & concentrate on your long term goals WITH YOUR WIFE!!! Think how much more $$$ you'd have in the bank though if it weren't for this apartment & the money you've spent on this other woman. Perhaps you could have retired 2 years AGO. This is an interesting pickle you're in.
Mino Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 lol, the ending on your post was funny, Hmmm are we justifying a 14 year double life to her one night stand??? interesting.... didnt think these two fit into the same catagory... I would suggest coming clean with your w. She should be the one to decide what her future will be, with the truth and nothing but the truth.. !4 yrears and sharing an apartment, wow, Can I ask " Did you have a retirement plan with ow too?
2sure Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 I dont think he was justifying his affair with his wifes ONS...I think he was pointing out that her small indiscretion upset her so much....his life of indiscretion, would kill her.
greengoddess Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 I actually didn't see him trying to justify his affair because of her one night stand so much as trying to illustrate why he knows this will crush her so. She screwed up, was devastated and came clean about a one night stand and he does this feeling no guilt for so long. Sorry. I still think he stole his wifes life for 14 years. If she had found out right away he was having this affair she could be leading a totally different life right now. Even possibly one that could have included children if she so chose with another man. She has been living a lie and didn't even know it.
2sure Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Agreed. You know - if I were his spouse or anyone's that had an affair....even if I chose to stay, I'd rather know. I mean, it her life. She has only one. Who are you to disguise yourself so? To make the marriage seem something it is not?
Snowflower Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 I'm sorry but I don't think this is real. This situation is just too ridiculous...I almost want to laugh. The apartment across town, the guy is having sex 3-4 times a day, everyday. Now he can't keep up because of ED. Too funny. C'mon someone would have figured it out after 14 years...his wife, the OW husband, a friend of either the WH/OW...no city is that large! BTW, the OP hasn't even been back to respond. But it makes a good story!
2sure Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Yeah you're right. In my experience...a man that can afford a home for his wife AND an apartment with his OW - has got to be successful professionally. Successful men who have A's and apartments for OW....dont seem to come across these issues in RL. They are creeps, but not stupid. lol. Plus they arent going thru all that expense to bang a woman their own age....OR since its just about sex, the same woman for 14 years. If they were ok with that, they'd be happy with thier wife.
pparrott Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Are you kidding me.......Not real.......Man & I was SO enjoying "Lifestyles Of The Rich & Famous" .........
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