huck Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 Hi All. Ok ive done the rounds on this site. Firstly the breaking up section, then the cheating part and now im here Trying to keep the whole story short. My ex dumped me 2 months ago and we tried a couple of weeks later to sort things out and decided it wouldnt work. In that time we have both seen other people - which looking back on my part was a rebound ( big mistake )... I also found out in this time that she cheated on me near the end of the relationship when things were rocky. Fast forward to a few weeks ago we met up to discuss house stuff ( we lived together) and both agreed we missed each other and it was definetly worth giving things a try, taking it slowly and going out on a few dates etc. We are not officially back together and she has moved out of our shared house and moved in somewhere else. Weird thing is - I nearly feel as worse as when we split up for some reason. When we are together things are great - we have both learned from the mistakes which split us up - but ive got this horrible nagging feeling that she might be stringing me along till something better comes her way. In the year we were together things were awesome and i think maybe im clinging onto the past and all those good times. She has blankly refused to move back in as she doesnt want to put pressure on the relationship and she seems to be making all the rules. I also seem to be making all the effort when we are together - the little things like massages and cards and flowers.. I'm not being vain - but i know i could probably get another girl easily if i wanted - but in my eyes my ex is everything personality and looks wise that i want in a girl. Is it worth hanging on for a while and feeling sh*t knowing that she isnt confirming any solid future in our relationship or do I face facts and realise that what we had will never come back. Has anyone else been in this situation ??
BCCA Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 Has anyone else been in this situation ?? Yes, I have. The problem is that people can be very different, so let me just throw out some facts of my experience, and you can tell me if this sounds about right. Here are the things I would look for if I was you: 1. She makes no assurances of anything in the future. While you can understand her not moving back in right away, whats her plan? If she says she wants to get her own place, or something like that, its all bad. That means that you are essentially passing the time, but not part of her long term plans. 2. Does she make any effort for you or the relationship, or is her ownership of a vagina seemingly enough for her? If shes not making an effort to make you feel secure, or like this is a worthwhile adventure, bail. 3. You already stated some of this, but if you notice that she only gives AFTER having her immediate demands met, bail. That just means shes going to hold everything over your head until she gets her way, and she will be making ALL the rules. You dont want any part of that. 4. Hows the sex? Are you guys having regular sex, or have you had to ask her whats going on? If its the latter, chances are she doesnt feel the same way, but might toss you some sympathy-booty from time to time. 5. Is she openly communicating or are you dragging every bit of info out of her? If its the latter, I can promise that 80% of it is BS. If shes keeping everything inside, or at least not telling it to you, again - BAIL. There is no one in the world that withholds GOOD info. Lastly, I think gut instincts are almost always spot on. If you feel like youre being strung along, you probably are. Just think about what youre putting in, and what you feel youre getting out of this, and if it seems youre getting shafted, you are and you should walk away.
sotired Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 I have been in a similar situation....We are still together and our relationship is good...but I lost of a lot of the trust I had for him. He didn't cheat, but the fact he could break up with me and be with someone else so quickly really did a number on my self esteem. I love him and am planning on being with him for a long time....BUT it's not what it could have been and I often wonder if I shouldn't have taken him back. Anyway, He was the one making all of the effort at first...I was just seeing what would happen...but he also knew I loved him and wasn't looking elsewhere. I can understand her being the one that wants to call the shots...especially if she felt powerless in your relationship. I didn't read the backstory, but I'd say give it a little while longer. If you still think she's stringing you along, then end it for good. But it takes time for a relationship to be rebuilt.
Author huck Posted April 29, 2009 Author Posted April 29, 2009 Cheers BCCA - some good stuff there.. all makes sense.. As far as making plans for the future - shes talking about going away on holiday later in the summer and she keeps talking about arranging to go out with my mates & their girlfriends to make sure they are still ok with her. She has also talked about taking things slowly and maybe moving back in together in 6 months. Only thing is - ill still be the same person in 6 months - i was more than happy to try and rectify the things that went wrong if she moved back in. As far as the sexy time - thats not going great - which is one of the reasons im having the dodgy thoughts.. Seriously id do it anytime/anywhere - and its me that is instigating it.
BCCA Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 As far as the sexy time - thats not going great My friend, this is a HUGE red flag, but one we as men rarely want to face. No guy wants to deal with the fact that this girl that at one time couldnt get enough loving, now has to be almost trapped into sleeping with you. As far as Im concerned, with sex goes the relationship. If two people are totally into each other, and want to stay that way, they have sex frequently. However, when things arent going great for one of you, sex is usually the first thing to dissapear. Keep an eye on this one. If she doesnt seem to be as sexual as she was before, she could have one foot out the door, or even worse, have another outlet for sexual satisfaction.
Juristhea Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 My friend, this is a HUGE red flag, but one we as men rarely want to face. No guy wants to deal with the fact that this girl that at one time couldnt get enough loving, now has to be almost trapped into sleeping with you. As far as Im concerned, with sex goes the relationship. If two people are totally into each other, and want to stay that way, they have sex frequently. However, when things arent going great for one of you, sex is usually the first thing to dissapear. Keep an eye on this one. If she doesnt seem to be as sexual as she was before, she could have one foot out the door, or even worse, have another outlet for sexual satisfaction. When 2nd chances are given, it's never really the same romance, same passion and same relationship. It would be like you're trapped in an obligated relationship because you already know what to look forward to and what to expect in that relationship and the thought of him/her leaving you at anytime is indeed terrifying and that alone is a factor for so many changes in your 2nd chance at a relationship, especially if it wasn't given ample time to make the decision to get that 2nd chance.
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