Got the girl of my dreams, but was she really the girl of my dreams?

[Somedude]

Okay, so here's the short version of the story:

 

I meet a girl at work 3 years ago, she is in an online relationship with a guy in Canada, we fall for each other hard, but knowing she had an online relationship, I didn't 'make a move'.

 

Anyway, she went to be with said guy, and it wasn't what she expected. She had unrealistically high expecations of what this guy was like, and we started talking again over AIM. I bluntly put it out to her one day when she was frustrated, if you were still home, would you be with me? She said probably.

 

Next day I get an email saying she broke up with her BF and is coming home. I was going to be with the girl of my dreams.

 

She came home and we got together. It got real serious real fast, and after only 10 months, we moved in with each other. Since living together, it has gotten worse. I feel like I don't have my space, and I dare say I am falling out of love with her.

 

I have issues myself. In November of '08 my mom passed away unexpectedly, and that triggered a depression I never knew I had. I also smoke pot, which I know is wrong, but hey, everyone has their vice.

 

So I just don't know what to do. We've come close to breaking up, and whenever we are almost there, I can't let her go. Everything I love about her comes flooding into my brain and I just cannot do it. But then a few days after, I start missing my space again and wish I had broken up with her. This happens everytime we get into arguments.

 

I talked to someone close to me about it, and he said you suffer from "I love you, but go away" syndrome, which makes sense. I do care so much about her, but at the same time just wish I had my space again.

 

I think I answered my own question on what to do. It's easy to look at it logically from the outside when reading what I typed. "Duh, it's not working" is what I'd think if I read this if someone else had posted it, but when youre in the situation, logic sadly does not apply sometimes.

 

That feeling of regretting not breaking up with her when it gets to that point... is that my heart trying to tell me that I should?

 

Sorry if this bores anyone that reads it, and thanks to anyone that replies.

 

We are both 22 for the record.

[ExRadioDJ41]

She came home and we got together. It got real serious real fast, and after only 10 months, we moved in with each other. Since living together, it has gotten worse. I feel like I don't have my space, and I dare say I am falling out of love with her.

 

I think a lot of people miss their "space". Especially if they are used to being alone, or living in a certain way. I also think a lot of relationships coast because people wonder if they are missing out on something, or if there is someone out there that is better for them.

 

But you say she is the girl of your dreams. You say when you go to break up, you think of all these things you love about her. I wonder if she broke up with you today if you would really feel it as a relief as you might think you would, or if you would be extremely saddened and realize that you don't know what you've got til it's gone?

 

If this missing space is the only issue, have you talked to her about it? Have you thought of a way that you could regain some space and still be in the relationship?

[Juristhea]

Okay, so here's the short version of the story:

 

I meet a girl at work 3 years ago, she is in an online relationship with a guy in Canada, we fall for each other hard, but knowing she had an online relationship, I didn't 'make a move'.

 

Anyway, she went to be with said guy, and it wasn't what she expected. She had unrealistically high expecations of what this guy was like, and we started talking again over AIM. I bluntly put it out to her one day when she was frustrated, if you were still home, would you be with me? She said probably.

 

Next day I get an email saying she broke up with her BF and is coming home. I was going to be with the girl of my dreams.

 

She came home and we got together. It got real serious real fast, and after only 10 months, we moved in with each other. Since living together, it has gotten worse. I feel like I don't have my space, and I dare say I am falling out of love with her.

 

I have issues myself. In November of '08 my mom passed away unexpectedly, and that triggered a depression I never knew I had. I also smoke pot, which I know is wrong, but hey, everyone has their vice.

 

So I just don't know what to do. We've come close to breaking up, and whenever we are almost there, I can't let her go. Everything I love about her comes flooding into my brain and I just cannot do it. But then a few days after, I start missing my space again and wish I had broken up with her. This happens everytime we get into arguments.

 

I talked to someone close to me about it, and he said you suffer from "I love you, but go away" syndrome, which makes sense. I do care so much about her, but at the same time just wish I had my space again.

 

I think I answered my own question on what to do. It's easy to look at it logically from the outside when reading what I typed. "Duh, it's not working" is what I'd think if I read this if someone else had posted it, but when youre in the situation, logic sadly does not apply sometimes.

 

That feeling of regretting not breaking up with her when it gets to that point... is that my heart trying to tell me that I should?

 

Sorry if this bores anyone that reads it, and thanks to anyone that replies.

 

We are both 22 for the record.

My guess is you're feeling that way because the desire to have her back then is a catalyst for your feelings towards her. Now that you have her, its like asking yourself "now what?"...

 

This is pretty normal, unfortunately, when people dont think or dont have their expectations met towards the guy or girl of their dreams.

 

My best advice for you is that you talk things out and resolve whatever conflict there is in your relationship right now. Things can still be fixed, judging from your story... It's not too late, guy.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

Okay, so here's the short version of the story:

 

I meet a girl at work 3 years ago, she is in an online relationship with a guy in Canada, we fall for each other hard, but knowing she had an online relationship, I didn't 'make a move'.

 

Anyway, she went to be with said guy, and it wasn't what she expected. She had unrealistically high expecations of what this guy was like, and we started talking again over AIM. I bluntly put it out to her one day when she was frustrated, if you were still home, would you be with me? She said probably.

 

Next day I get an email saying she broke up with her BF and is coming home. I was going to be with the girl of my dreams.

 

She came home and we got together. It got real serious real fast, and after only 10 months, we moved in with each other. Since living together, it has gotten worse. I feel like I don't have my space, and I dare say I am falling out of love with her.

 

I have issues myself. In November of '08 my mom passed away unexpectedly, and that triggered a depression I never knew I had. I also smoke pot, which I know is wrong, but hey, everyone has their vice.

 

So I just don't know what to do. We've come close to breaking up, and whenever we are almost there, I can't let her go. Everything I love about her comes flooding into my brain and I just cannot do it. But then a few days after, I start missing my space again and wish I had broken up with her. This happens everytime we get into arguments.

 

I talked to someone close to me about it, and he said you suffer from "I love you, but go away" syndrome, which makes sense. I do care so much about her, but at the same time just wish I had my space again.

 

I think I answered my own question on what to do. It's easy to look at it logically from the outside when reading what I typed. "Duh, it's not working" is what I'd think if I read this if someone else had posted it, but when youre in the situation, logic sadly does not apply sometimes.

 

That feeling of regretting not breaking up with her when it gets to that point... is that my heart trying to tell me that I should?

 

Sorry if this bores anyone that reads it, and thanks to anyone that replies.

 

We are both 22 for the record.

This is why I don't think I would ever want to actually live with a partner again I also like my space.

 

To be honest if I wanna get up midnight and sing the star spangled banner in my underwear while playing twister I WANNA DO IT.. lol

 

Actually living with them makes it hard plus you have to be around them 24/7 no matter how much in love 2 people are.

 

After the 1st couple of hours whats there to really talk about idol minds are the devils play ground I think?

 

Nope I say unless your married then live separate until so even then I dunno lol..

 

I'm not really an old fashioned kinda person but I think we tend to hurry to shack up together a bit much any more and then wonder why things don't work out all the time....

[stace79]

My ex and I were like that for three years. We argued, broke up and got back together more times than I can count, even while we were living together for more than a year.

 

It was a miserable, frustrating experience, and I kept justifying staying because "I loved him so much". I do love him as a person, but we just were not right together.

 

It is possible to love someone dearly but whom we are just not compatible with. You are doing yourselves no favors staying in a dysfunctional relationship like that.

 

The right person will come along and you won't have so much back and forth. I would suggest you at least take a break with no contact and living apart. You may decide to get back together, but you need some perspective. Good luck -- I know personally that is a tough situation, especially when you live together.