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I am a heartbreaker and I am sorry


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Posted

There are lots of people here that have had their hearts broken. There are lots of stories about cheating, lying ex’s. There’s not much written by people who have done the heartbreaking.

 

I am one of those people that has broken someone’s heart. I always used to blame my ex for the problems until, after thinking hard about what happened between us, I came to realise that it was actually me that was mostly at fault. I lied to her.

 

I always believed that I didn’t lie maliciously. That I did it because I wanted her to be happy. But now I realise that, perhaps subconsciously, I lied with the intent of trying to keep her as my fiancée – trying to keep the only good thing going in my life when, perhaps, it was inevitably doomed to failure.

 

Blaming her for so long, and then suddenly realising that it was me that was the real cause of the problems, deep down, makes me realise how small a human being I am.

 

We will never talk again, that I am sure of, and I don’t blame her. And I won’t contact her to protect her from me – so that she doesn’t have to suffer the continued pain and anguish of what I did to her.

So the only opportunity I have of saying what I want and need to say to her, I feel, is here.

 

My darling R. I am so sorry. So very sorry for everything that I put you through unnecessarily. You are right – I was just a waste of time. I am nothing. I don’t expect you to forgive me, nor to forget. But I just want you to know that I am sorry. A small part of my heart will always be reserved for you. I hope that, through my stupid and idiotic actions, you will come out of this a stronger, happier person and that you will meet the real man of your dreams and you will live happily ever after. Just like I promised, but couldn’t deliver.

 

I believe that I have been placed on this earth to make other people happy, even at the expense of my own happiness. I hope that, ultimately, what I did will make you happy. Happy by becoming a stronger person, and settling down with the right person, in the way you always wished for.

 

I screwed up big time. If I was more honest, maybe it would have worked out, maybe not. Do I wish I could go back in time and right the wrongs? Yes. But that can’t happen.

 

I love you less and less every day, and I am slowly coming to terms with the breakup. As I hope you have.

 

May God bless you, R.

 

Sometimes, those that did the heartbreaking come to realise this. They realise what they did, and why it was their fault. Sometimes they are truly sorry for what they did. This is one of those people, and this is one of those times.

Posted

This is a great post, it really tocuhed my heart. I wish you well man. I understand the feelings you're going through. I hope you don't take it hard on yourself. And with a humility, honesty and perspective like this, I have no doubt you'll find love again, whether it is with the same girl or someone new. Good luck!

Posted

Though I have a hard time grasping your point of view, I'm glad you owned up to your mistakes. It doesn't feel like it's trying to string her along or use her as a backup plan. It feels like you really had some sort of revelation that you really messed up.

 

You can't take it back. But if you've learned from it, then maybe something good came out of it.

Posted

I was intrigued by your post and wanted to reply as I have been passed over after a 4 year relationship with my so-called best friend who is almost 49 years old who went for a 19 year old girl. I am 44 years old and I still don't understand what happened. We had a problems, as any relationship does, but he gave me no indication that anything was wrong. Now I am finding other things out about his past from his ex-wife. I just was wondering what do you think made you come to a realization that it wasn't her fault, and what caused you to lie to her?

Posted

Your post started the waterworks.

 

How I wish the guy that broke my heart would have apologized to me for everything.

 

I still love him, but he has mioved on. He has someone else.

 

In turn, I cut off all communication, forever.

 

I just wish he could've thanked me for the 2 years I dedicated to him, and the fact that I was an amazing, faithful girlfriend to him.

 

I just wished he would have apologized for cutting me up inside.

Posted

You're lucky to have the capacity for change.

 

Most of our exes will remain as you were for the rest of their lives.

 

Keep up with the self reflection and you'll do well.

Posted
Your post started the waterworks.

 

How I wish the guy that broke my heart would have apologized to me for everything.

 

I still love him, but he has mioved on. He has someone else.

 

In turn, I cut off all communication, forever.

 

I just wish he could've thanked me for the 2 years I dedicated to him, and the fact that I was an amazing, faithful girlfriend to him.

 

I just wished he would have apologized for cutting me up inside.

 

i wish so as well, but theoddsof us ever getting that is small as hell

Posted

it's usually never one sided. i wouldnt take sole blame for myself if I were you.

 

At least you have a conscience.

Posted
You are right – I was just a waste of time. I am nothing. ... I believe that I have been placed on this earth to make other people happy, even at the expense of my own happiness.

Er, I'm not getting it.

You've "transformed" from lying and blaming, to seeing yourself as "a waste of time nothing" to becoming a martyr who is going to sacrifice all your happiness so that you can "make" other people happy???

 

Have you done the healing/recovery work to ensure that you won't, eventually, end up blaming all those other happy people for the fact that you're not happy?

 

Ignoring that we have ZERO power to "make" others feel happy (or sad, or anything else)...what is the point of your new-found martyrdom? Or are you playing to a tragic-noble-romantic-hero image? Or is it a well-disguised pity-party?

 

I'm so not getting any of it -- as if something is missing.

Posted
i wish so as well, but theoddsof us ever getting that is small as hell

 

 

I had all the flowery words...."you are amazing, you restored my faith in women, you have the voice of an angel, i do not deserve you," and so many fantastic words that I fell in love with him again....he was kissing me, crying on me, sobbing, wanting me to stay and hug him....

 

 

and yet this did not make it better...it just gave me false hopes.

 

The cut is cleaner if it's quick and forceful...it's easier to get over someone who you can hate, rather than get over someone who you want to fall in love over and over again....

 

 

Words don't mean a thing. If he really meant all he said he would have backed them up with ACTION. and he didn't. he chose the other woman.

Posted
I had all the flowery words...."you are amazing, you restored my faith in women, you have the voice of an angel, i do not deserve you," and so many fantastic words that I fell in love with him again....he was kissing me, crying on me, sobbing, wanting me to stay and hug him....

 

 

and yet this did not make it better...it just gave me false hopes.

 

The cut is cleaner if it's quick and forceful...it's easier to get over someone who you can hate, rather than get over someone who you want to fall in love over and over again....

 

 

Words don't mean a thing. If he really meant all he said he would have backed them up with ACTION. and he didn't. he chose the other woman.

 

 

I agree with this completely. From someone who has had their heart broken. All the words in the dictionary can't make it easier.

Posted

I know i'll just be ignored and other posters will keep on with the "you are great" replies but.....what a load of self serving tripe. You should be telling her this , not anonymous people on the internet.

Having your heart smashed is painful enough without being asked to consider the dumper's pain which 98% of the time doesn't exist.

Posted

If my ex felt like this i would rather know then not. It would be good getting any email detailing those things and that she is sorry. Up to me if i reply or not but hearing it wouldnt do me any harm. I certainly wouldnt go back to her, but still be nice

Posted
I know i'll just be ignored and other posters will keep on with the "you are great" replies but.....what a load of self serving tripe. You should be telling her this , not anonymous people on the internet.

Having your heart smashed is painful enough without being asked to consider the dumper's pain which 98% of the time doesn't exist.

 

Amen to that.

 

I've been on both sides, and know that the pain of being dumped is at least 100% more than being the dumpee.

 

Most times the dumpee has gone through any 'angst' long before they actually do the deed. The only thing I've ever felt afterwards in that situation was relief.

 

The only thing I disagree with is telling her - if you are genuinely sorry, stay the **** away from her. She won't believe your apology, and you will only upset her more.

 

You've already broken her heart, don't go back to piss on it with tales of your own woe.

Posted
I had all the flowery words...."you are amazing, you restored my faith in women, you have the voice of an angel, i do not deserve you," and so many fantastic words that I fell in love with him again....he was kissing me, crying on me, sobbing, wanting me to stay and hug him....

 

 

and yet this did not make it better...it just gave me false hopes.

 

The cut is cleaner if it's quick and forceful...it's easier to get over someone who you can hate, rather than get over someone who you want to fall in love over and over again....

 

 

Words don't mean a thing. If he really meant all he said he would have backed them up with ACTION. and he didn't. he chose the other woman.

 

Hell ya, You are right...back all that bull/**** talking with some ACTION. Other than that....YOU ARE FULL OF ****!!

 

My ex sent me a bull text and I did not even respond. Show me. What you showed me was not love.

 

I notice these people who love to express their feelings need to start keeping it to yourself ....especially if that person is not giving you want you want and he not acting respectful towards you or if he has someone esle or if he is breaking you down. I am not saying never but I am saying...feelings express is over-rated. Love with all your heart your God, your Children, Your mom and dad...everyone esle is negotiable. People change to damm much these days.

Posted
I had all the flowery words...."you are amazing, you restored my faith in women, you have the voice of an angel, i do not deserve you," and so many fantastic words that I fell in love with him again....he was kissing me, crying on me, sobbing, wanting me to stay and hug him....

 

 

and yet this did not make it better...it just gave me false hopes.

 

The cut is cleaner if it's quick and forceful...it's easier to get over someone who you can hate, rather than get over someone who you want to fall in love over and over again....

 

 

Words don't mean a thing. If he really meant all he said he would have backed them up with ACTION. and he didn't. he chose the other woman.

 

 

ah those words, all a crock of bs, "I love you", "every night on my hands and knees I prayed for someone like you"

 

I agree its easier when the dumper tells you "I don't love you anymore" and gets angry etc. you can get over it quicker than the false words of hope some dumpers tell you "maybe in the future who knows", "I still love you more than anyone"

 

I hate that, thats the only thing im thankful my ex fiance did told me "i love someone else", "leave me alone", because whenever I felt like contacting her I always remembered "leave me alone"

  • Author
Posted
I just was wondering what do you think made you come to a realization that it wasn't her fault, and what caused you to lie to her?

 

I came to realise this by being honest with myself. It was easier to lay the blame on her than to acknowledge my failings and to admit to my mistakes. When you become totally obsessed with someone and with the break up, all you do is think about what happened, and why. Sooner or later, you'll analyse it to death, but hopefully you'll have come to the truth before you become numb to what happened.

 

I lied to her because, ultimately, i knew our futures were headed in different directions and that our lifestyles were too different for it to work. I told myself i lied because i wanted her to be happy. But i now know i lied because i wanted to keep her as mine. I wanted to keep the relationship going as long as possible, the only good thing i've had for a long time. I didn't want to face up to the truth that it wouldn't have worked out in the long term. And for those lies, i am ashamed.

 

I know i'll just be ignored and other posters will keep on with the "you are great" replies but.....what a load of self serving tripe. You should be telling her this , not anonymous people on the internet.

 

Having your heart smashed is painful enough without being asked to consider the dumper's pain which 98% of the time doesn't exist.

 

I am choosing not to tell her all this because, as Mittens mentioned:

 

if you are genuinely sorry, stay the **** away from her. She won't believe your apology, and you will only upset her more.

 

You've already broken her heart, don't go back to piss on it with tales of your own woe.

 

I don't want her to suffer any more pain or misery than i have already caused her. Enough's enough. She hates me as it is, so chances are she will get over me that much quicker because of that hate. Like fabulous_chk said:

 

The cut is cleaner if it's quick and forceful...it's easier to get over someone who you can hate, rather than get over someone who you want to fall in love over and over again....

 

I hate that, thats the only thing im thankful my ex fiance did told me "i love someone else", "leave me alone", because whenever I felt like contacting her I always remembered "leave me alone"

 

She told me to leave her alone, and those words are the only things stopping me from contacting her ever again. The only reason i posted here was because i needed an outlet for my thoughts. I have no other way of grieving. I guess i should have just written it down on a piece of paper and then binned it.

Posted

It appears that you have grown in maturity. It's a shame it ended this way. Thank you for your thoughts. And don't fear posting!:bunny:

Posted
Hell ya, You are right...back all that bull/**** talking with some ACTION. Other than that....YOU ARE FULL OF ****!!

 

My ex sent me a bull text and I did not even respond. Show me. What you showed me was not love.

 

I notice these people who love to express their feelings need to start keeping it to yourself ....especially if that person is not giving you want you want and he not acting respectful towards you or if he has someone esle or if he is breaking you down. I am not saying never but I am saying...feelings express is over-rated. Love with all your heart your God, your Children, Your mom and dad...everyone esle is negotiable. People change to damm much these days.

 

 

I couldn't agree with you more. Everything that he told me was a crock of ****akie mushrooms as far as I am concerned. He is crazy, and took me for a ride. I am glad that I blocked XBF from contacting me....I am getting used to the lack of drama and really, it feels pretty good!!!! No more anguish!!!

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