fabulous_chk Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 Ex emailed me after 11 days of NC. He dumped me more than a month ago for another chick. He cheated on me for 3 months - they have been sleeping together and the OW knew about me. Ex and I dated for 4 years. I was devastated but managed to get used to being single and having fun the last 2 weeks. There is no question of me and him coming back together. He wants friendship and I tried but it was too painful. So I told him not to contact me for a month or two, that I'm dating and I don't want him around. No phone calls, text messages and IM. His number is blocked from my phone, because he'd regularly contact me every three days thru IM. Worse, he's a patient at school where I go so I have to hear about him from my classmates and the seniors and I'd relapse just anytime his name is mentioned. He said OK to NC - but barely 2 weeks later he sent me this email: ____________________________________________________________ how are you? me and sparky miss you. I HOPE YOUR DOING WELL IN SCHOOL. It bothers me to not hear from you at all, also you have 4 articles of mail here. im working tomorrow night wed and thurs all nights. let me know if you ever want to come see sparky, or me. =) ____________________________________________________________ Sparky is the dog I gave him 2 years ago. I am not ready to see him. This is a very bad idea. However his address is still my address for school purposes, so important mails get sent there. How do I reply without seeming bitchy, in pain, devastated? I just want to let him know that I do not want emails from him, without sounding like a drama queen. I just want no contact at all. I can pick up letters from his mom.
Intricategirl Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 You don't respond. You just pick the letters up from his mom. If you need to make sure his mom will have them, then write a simple, "Please give the letters to your mom." and leave it THERE without saying anything else. He already knows you don't want to talk to him and he's trying to get you to anyway. Stating it over again isn't going to make him suddenly leave you alone.
Meaplus3 Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 I would respond and tell him your going to get your mail and that's it nothing more, nothing less. If he dumped you for another chick, he's not worth anymore of your time. Mea:)
calicutie Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 Don't respond, and is it possible to have someone else, relative, or freind pick up your mail instead?
PinkRibbon Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 Change your address to a PO box or something so there is no reason to have any contact with him.........unless you want the contact.
Author fabulous_chk Posted April 29, 2009 Author Posted April 29, 2009 I can't change addresses yet - my credit card bills hasn't gotten yet to my friend's - I will be using her address instead - it's just proof of residence that I need. By May I should be able to change it without difficulty. The reason I keep the communication lines open (at least with his mom) is because of Sparky. That's my baby. I'll keep it simple, like this: ______________________________________________________________ Hey, thanks I'm good. Will you leave the letters under the doormat - at least the MCC ones? the rest are junk pls throw them away. I'll pick em up Thursday night. Thanks, I appreciate it. Take care of Sparky for me. _______________________________________________________________ Is this okay?
Intricategirl Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 ______________________________________________________________ Hey, thanks I'm good. Will you leave the letters under the doormat - at least the MCC ones? the rest are junk pls throw them away. I'll pick em up Thursday night. Thanks, I appreciate it. Take care of Sparky for me. _______________________________________________________________ Is this okay? Sure. If you don't want to do NC.
Ronni_W Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 Take care of Sparky for me. *IF* you want 'no contact', I wouldn't recommend asking him to do ANYTHING...especially not "for me" -- that is just an open invitation for him to keep on contacting you. A simpler, more direct, "please leave the mail under the mat" sounds like what you want from him...unless there is a part of you that does want the drama of continued contact(?)
Author fabulous_chk Posted April 29, 2009 Author Posted April 29, 2009 Sh*t i should have waited for your replies before I sent this: _______________________________________________________________________ Hey I'm good. Will you leave the letters under the doormat - at least the MCC ones? the rest are junk pls throw them away. I'll pick em up Thursday night. I'll be changing the address pretty soon hopefully by June you won't get them anymore. Thanks, I appreciate it. Take care of Sparky for me. _______________________________________________________________________ D*mnit aaargh I just broke my hard-earned 12 day NC!!! All right I'm shutting down that email account. No more worries about unexpected emails saying the dog misses me. what an a**hole and i always fall for this cr*p.
Trialbyfire Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 It's human nature to miss someone who you loved. The only problem is that he's once again showing you a lack of respect. His cheating was a lack of respect and now, so is breaking NC in this manner, intimating at wanting more contact beyond giving you your mail. Don't fall for it. I would have all your mail rerouted at the post office level. There's a service they provide, for a minimum fee. I would respond as follows: "Leave my mail under the doormat. Haven't you already ripped my heart out by cheating on me? Consider my feelings for once v. your own selfish needs. Leave me alone."
Author fabulous_chk Posted April 29, 2009 Author Posted April 29, 2009 It's human nature to miss someone who you loved. The only problem is that he's once again showing you a lack of respect. His cheating was a lack of respect and now, so is breaking NC in this manner, intimating at wanting more contact beyond giving you your mail. Don't fall for it. I won't, not anymore. The anxiety is not worth it. I would have all your mail rerouted at the post office level. There's a service they provide, for a minimum fee. I'll do this right away. I would respond as follows: "Leave my mail under the doormat. Haven't you already ripped my heart out by cheating on me? Consider my feelings for once v. your own selfish needs. Leave me alone." LOL I cannot send this I AM HAPPILY SINGLE and I ought to thank him. As for my heart being ripped out? It's quite functional and crushing on many hot men:love::love:. I think it annoys him that I am okay and I am not confessing feelings of TRUE LOVE FOREVER AND EVER anymore. I'd rather come off happy, contented, having fun. He's not worth getting upset over.
ATR Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 I would respond as follows: "Leave my mail under the doormat. Haven't you already ripped my heart out by cheating on me? Consider my feelings for once v. your own selfish needs. Leave me alone." I don't agree with this though, it shows that you still have emotions towards him, therefore he knows he is getting a reaction out of you - i.e. can hurt you.
Author fabulous_chk Posted May 1, 2009 Author Posted May 1, 2009 Yesterday his mom called me about my mail but I only got the message today. She said, "Call me back honey. S***** (my ex) will be at home tomorrow all day, and I will be home at night. Call me when you get a chance." I love her and I want to return her call because she is like a second mom to me, but I'm a little anxious about her plans. I know she wants me to stay and hang around, wait for the ex to get his head straight, so we could get back together...and she has set me up and the ex several times forcing us in a room to talk about our relationship but it made it all more worse.... lol it's just my mail i am not such a coward that I cannot pick it up. as long as he is not there.
TaraMaiden Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 reply. Tell her you will happily talk with her, but the moment she brings s into the discussion (either verbally, or have him present) you will rise and leave. Without a word. It is over, and there is no going back, ask her to please understand. Do you have her word on this, please -??
Trialbyfire Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Arrange a time to pickup the mail, then send a friend or family member to get it. This way, no one can corner you and you get your mail in a timely fashion.
Author fabulous_chk Posted May 1, 2009 Author Posted May 1, 2009 Thanks I will call her back. I already made it clear to her that him and I will never get back together, but we're still "friends." She said "never say never." I wish I had a friend to pick up those letters for me, but they hate him and will b1tch at him and I do not really want to create more drama in my life. Despite of everything I care about him and will never want him to get hurt.
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