NoIDidn't Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 I posted to 2sure.....aka OP not to you...I posted MY opinion. I respect all opinions you might try to do the same..If 2Sure ONLY wanted her friends opinions she ought to have stated that and I would not have posted I am respectful and would have just passed by... I am semi new and was adding my view and trying to be helpful is all..I stand by what I posted. As to the lady who shall we say flirted (being the OP said she never cheated with her husband but emailed flirtious letters ) had 2sure told OW's hubby that would then be a consequence of what SHE the almost OW asked for and that woman would have to deal with it....she asked...if it blew up in her face it would have been what she asked for.....Karma would then be something 2sure has nothing to fear. Myself I am not one to buy into Karma but to each their own. Point is all lies would have been exposed and 2sure could sleep better. Hell she posted about this it had /has to have bothered her.....I can understand WHY she lied I have done a lot of crazy things in my life. I'll say this: apparently Chan IS getting to you. She posted something meant to make you take offense to my opinion of your posting and you fell for it, apparently. Nowhere did I ever say anything close to disrespect your opinion. Chan claimed that I didn't think you could think for yourself. I never said anything like that. I have no plans to apologize for your overreacting to something that's common in this medium. Look, if you don't like the fact that people will have opinions of your opinion, you are free to stop posting. Sorry for the distraction in your thread, 2.
tami-chan Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 :DNo Reg, not you. I mean tami. I wondered if you could explain it to me. Sorry, for the misunderstanding. Why are you asking Reggie to explain it to you? He does not know me nor does he care about anything I say, what makes you think he can explain it to you? how am I hounding 2sure? I totally understand why she lied. Sometimes "good" people do lie. But to further your agenda you would rather misunderstand the very issue I am raising because you really cannot defend the double standard. Or, at least setting one particular poster off anyway lol..wow..innuendos...no courage:p
tami-chan Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 I'll say this: apparently Chan IS getting to you. She posted something meant to make you take offense to my opinion of your posting and you fell for it, apparently. Nowhere did I ever say anything close to disrespect your opinion. Chan claimed that I didn't think you could think for yourself. I never said anything like that. I have no plans to apologize for your overreacting to something that's common in this medium. Look, if you don't like the fact that people will have opinions of your opinion, you are free to stop posting. Sorry for the distraction in your thread, 2. You can't spin this, noIdidnt. You know what you meant. DO NOT LIE. ForumFool posted her OWN thoughts, irrespective of mine or yours.
ForumFool Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 I'll say this: apparently Chan IS getting to you. She posted something meant to make you take offense to my opinion of your posting and you fell for it, apparently. Nowhere did I ever say anything close to disrespect your opinion. Chan claimed that I didn't think you could think for yourself. I never said anything like that. I have no plans to apologize for your overreacting to something that's common in this medium. Look, if you don't like the fact that people will have opinions of your opinion, you are free to stop posting. Sorry for the distraction in your thread, 2. I never asked for an apology. WHEN you state twice now that "CHAN got to me" as if I cannot have a thought or opinion of my own that IS offensive and from YOUR posts not the poster you refer to . I have no desire to stop posting your rude remarks do not have any power over me. BUT YOU can feel free to stop posting as all you seem to have done here is bash 2 posters and not just state your viewpoint...Get up on the wrong side of the bed?
Sparta8 Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 I believe 2Sures original question on this thread is whether she should agree to take a few minutes and help the "OW" (attempted OW, not really OW) save the "OW's" marriage. "She asked me if I would speak to her H and tell him . She feels her paranoia may have contributed to their marriage issues. She wants him back." The "OW" expressed remorse for what she tried to do with 2Sure's husband. To me this is absolutely a no-brainer - I would spend a few minutes and either call or write to the OW's husband. I am rather astonished that few people here agree that this would be the right thing to do. Most of us are here trying to save marriages. If I could, with little or no effort, save someone else's marriage, even if that someone else had tried but failed to have an affair with my wife, especially if that someone else had apologized for approaching my wife, I would make the call or write the letter. The communication would have to include, however, the reason why 2sure told this woman that her husband was having an affair. That the woman had tried to have an affair with 2sure's husband and 2sure was angry. If the "OW" was ok with that inclusion, the communication with the "OW's" husband should have happened immediately.
bentnotbroken Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 Why are you asking Reggie to explain it to you? He does not know me nor does he care about anything I say, what makes you think he can explain it to you? how am I hounding 2sure? I totally understand why she lied. Sometimes "good" people do lie. But to further your agenda you would rather misunderstand the very issue I am raising because you really cannot defend the double standard. lol..wow..innuendos...no courage:p I asked Reg, because I truly can't fathom what you are calling a double standard. There is nothing for me to defend, because I don't know what you are complaining about. She said she wrong and apologized(for the umpteenth time)how many cheaters do that? Really? You just don't like that she hasn't been hauled out and flogged to your expectations. We are all sinners, some of us just recognize it, face it, apologize, and make amends. Did you do that Tami? I highly doubt it since you are spending so much energy yelling about someone who did do the right thing and received support for doing it.
Hi.P.O'Crit Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 ...I truly can't fathom what you are calling a double standard... Rationalization and justification. I've been reading these forums for a while now. These are the common terms thrown out when someone is in an affair. How does this relate? 2sure lied to this woman about her husband cheating. Why? To save her marriage. Rationalization and justification. Yes, her marriage was already in trouble. No one can say what would've happened to their marriage absent this stressor, the lie. Just my opinion.
Reggie Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 I'd just have no contact with someone that tried to have an affair with my spouse. I'd steer completely clear of this woman and her husband. This women was trying to break up 2Sure's marriage and she deserves no help in this.
ForumFool Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 I believe 2Sures original question on this thread is whether she should agree to take a few minutes and help the "OW" (attempted OW, not really OW) save the "OW's" marriage. "She asked me if I would speak to her H and tell him . She feels her paranoia may have contributed to their marriage issues. She wants him back." The "OW" expressed remorse for what she tried to do with 2Sure's husband. To me this is absolutely a no-brainer - I would spend a few minutes and either call or write to the OW's husband. I am rather astonished that few people here agree that this would be the right thing to do. Most of us are here trying to save marriages. If I could, with little or no effort, save someone else's marriage, even if that someone else had tried but failed to have an affair with my wife, especially if that someone else had apologized for approaching my wife, I would make the call or write the letter. The communication would have to include, however, the reason why 2sure told this woman that her husband was having an affair. That the woman had tried to have an affair with 2sure's husband and 2sure was angry. If the "OW" was ok with that inclusion, the communication with the "OW's" husband should have happened immediately. Well said and it happens to reflect my point exactly. I feel sorry for the HUSBAND of the so called OW he never recieved an apology for the lies told about him..no amends were made to him. These lies affected his life. I give 2SURE much credit but feel the slate will not be wiped clean as she said she wanted early on in this thread. This doesn't mean I dislike 2sure or think she is a bad person..in fact I think she showed a lot of class by even talking to the woman ....but being 2sure stated " I WANT MY SLATE WIPED CLEAN" something needs to be said to the man she slandered. Not boiling anyone in oil but this was a major lie told about HIM and he was innocent in all of this.
NoIDidn't Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 I'd just have no contact with someone that tried to have an affair with my spouse. I'd steer completely clear of this woman and her husband. This women was trying to break up 2Sure's marriage and she deserves no help in this. Precisely. And I see absolutely nothing wrong with not communicating with her husband. After the man hears that his estranged W was once coming on to 2sure's H, the conversation is going to be unproductive and over anyway. Plus, 2sure's H's response indicates that she chose the right path anyway. He didn't feel that she owed that woman and her H another thought, either. Might not agree with his reasons for those feelings, but, in the end they both agreed to let sleeping dogs lie.
Author 2sure Posted May 4, 2009 Author Posted May 4, 2009 I put this behind me a few days ago when I admitted my lie, apologized to the wanna be OW, and told her I was done with it. To be honest, I am not so gracious that I have real regret over telling the lie to her. In fact, to protect my family from predators, I am capable of much more. What I should have done at the time was forward the email to her unsuspecting H . I am always the one on here that says the BS should be told. But all of this happened before I knew this wisdom and while I was having problems within my own marriage. Given that, at the time, I didn't forward the email in which she solicited my H....and its a year later...I am hesitant to do so. The Only obligation I have here, as far my own Karma goes...would be to tell him about his wife's email. Since he has already left her - for reasons unknown to me - its possible that revelation would seal the deal. And thats not my job. I accept Karma , and I expect Karma - but its not my job to CREATE it. AND by the way - all of the responses here gave me great food for thought.
tami-chan Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 To be honest, I am not so gracious that I have real regret over telling the lie to her. In fact, to protect my family from predators, I am capable of much more. So your apology will not count. I believe regret comes with GENUINE apology. Your apology was hollow and insincere. One needs to apologized for the lie itself and what it might have or could have done to the recipient of the lie regardless of the circumstances that precipitated the lie. Anything less is just an act of justifying and rationalizing one's error. What I should have done at the time was forward the email to her unsuspecting H . I am always the one on here that says the BS should be told. I have a different take on letting unsuspecting spouses know but yes, you could have done this and you would not have that burden in your heart. Although given that you do not regret telling the lie to her I am confused why you are even burdened by it in the first place.
Owl Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 So your apology will not count. I believe regret comes with GENUINE apology. Your apology was hollow and insincere. One needs to apologized for the lie itself and what it might have or could have done to the recipient of the lie regardless of the circumstances that precipitated the lie. Anything less is just an act of justifying and rationalizing one's error. From my perspective...this woman actively pursued 2sure's husband...why SHOULD she truly "regret" telling this person a lie to keep her from continuing this action? Just plain silly thinking, IMHO. This wannabe OW is lucky that this is all that she got. This could have been handled far more painfully for this OW...so the route 2Sure took really wasn't all that bad, IMHO.
tami-chan Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 She admitted she did wrong, she owned her mess, she apologized. She called the woman and owned it. To be honest, I am not so gracious that I have real regret over telling the lie to her. In fact, to protect my family from predators, I am capable of much more. LOL. I rest my case.
tami-chan Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 From my perspective...this woman actively pursued 2sure's husband...why SHOULD she truly "regret" telling this person a lie to keep her from continuing this action? Just plain silly thinking, IMHO. This wannabe OW is lucky that this is all that she got. Now I fully understand your moral stand on lies. Oh and by the way, Why even bother to apologize in the first place if you do not really regret it? THAT'S silly to me.
Author 2sure Posted May 4, 2009 Author Posted May 4, 2009 No, honestly, I'm feeling pretty good about it. I was sorry enough to admit it and to apologize. Possibly saying I had NO regret was too general. I am sorry I lied. I do not regret however, not going further than that. She betrayed her husband. She tried to get my H to betray me. I lied to her. I apologized. She still betrayed her H, she still tried to get my h to betray me. I owned it. I admitted to my action. I don't feel guilt today. She betrayed her marriage. Let her fix it. All I did was make her look to her own instead of mine. When asking me to explain to her H, she never once mentioned the fact that to do so - I would have to reveal that she emailed my H. She seems to expect that since my H refused her...theres no need to mention that detail. Let her figure it out. I cannot fix my lie by adding a lie of omission. And if I were to tell her H about the email, it would hurt her more than the lie ever did. I am a strong believer in Karma AND My Name is Earl...ol... this isn't coming back at me. I did the right thing.
GorillaTheater Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 LOL. I rest my case. <grants directed verdict in favor of the other side, bangs gavel> As far as I can tell, you have yet to state a case other than being annoyed because 2sure wasn't beaten with a rusty shovel.
bentnotbroken Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 LOL. I rest my case. You didn't have a case to rest. Just your justifications and mind twist.
tami-chan Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Look 2sure, I happen to believe that some people lie not because they want to destroy the other person but because it is an act of self-preservation. I am not sure why you lied and at this juncture, I don't really care. She betrayed her husband. She tried to get my H to betray me. I lied to her. I apologized. yes, those are the facts that you presented. BUT she did apologize to you for crossing that line, did she not? and did she not also say she will stop? Which she did. (This despite the possibility that your husband probably was flirting with her, right?) Yet, it was not enough for you---which is okay(I guess), considering, and you lied...oh well, tough ***** for her. She still betrayed her H True. she still tried to get my h to betray me Unsuccessfully, yes. I don't feel guilt today. She betrayed her marriage. Let her fix it. All I did was make her look to her own instead of mine. Then don't feel guilty. She seems to expect that since my H refused her...theres no need to mention that detail. Probably so. But SEEMS, does not make it SO. Let her figure it out. I cannot fix my lie by adding a lie of omission. I agree. I am a strong believer in Karma AND My Name is Earl...ol... this isn't coming back at me. I did the right thing. The jury is still out....maybe you did the right thing, maybe you did not. Only you and some unseen higher being know what is in your heart. You will know if karma has given you a free past if there will never be a question in your heart about your husband's fidelity. JHMO.
tami-chan Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 You didn't have a case to rest. Just your justifications and mind twist. My justifications? LOL!!!!!!!! I am not the one who said life is black and white until confronted with some apparently "acceptable lie"....:rolleyes:
bentnotbroken Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 My justifications? LOL!!!!!!!! I am not the one who said life is black and white until confronted with some apparently "acceptable lie"....:rolleyes: It is so black and white it blinds you. Oh well.....
tami-chan Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 <grants directed verdict in favor of the other side, bangs gavel> As far as I can tell, you have yet to state a case other than being annoyed because 2sure wasn't beaten with a rusty shovel. I am not annoyed. I am enjoying this. Check this out. She is sorry but do not really regret it and nobody has a problem with the contradiction. Let's call it like it is. We do not care whether she is sorry or not, we want to celebrate that she did a major number on a would-be OW. Let's cut the bs on we are here to share our experiences so that the OW/OM can learn and be healed from their sins. We are here to condemn them and feel good doing it. That's all.
tami-chan Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 It is so black and white it blinds you. Oh well..... You ran out of er....intelligent things to say? Bent, c'mon you are better than empty comments like this.
GorillaTheater Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 I am not annoyed. I am enjoying this. Check this out. She is sorry but do not really regret it and nobody has a problem with the contradiction. Let's call it like it is. We do not care whether she is sorry or not, we want to celebrate that she did a major number on a would-be OW. Let's cut the bs on we are here to share our experiences so that the OW/OM can learn and be healed from their sins. We are here to condemn them and feel good doing it. That's all. On the contrary, I saw a person who, in the heat of the situation, lied to another. She felt, correctly, that the lie was wrong (regardless of the depth of her regret), and wanted to make it right. I have no feelings one way or the other toward the would-be OW, and my advice would be the same regardless of the context of the lie. Some people DID say that they wouldn't apologize under the circumstances. If you have a problem with that, then it's with those posters, not 2sure or "us" in general. But it still seems to me that you're being deliberately obtuse, I suspect because you want the attention.
tami-chan Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 But it still seems to me that you're being deliberately obtuse, I suspect because you want the attention. ahhhh...nice move....when all things fail, make it personal... attention, huh?.....and I got yours? What can I say? I am too ugly to ever get attention in the real world....should I apologize?
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