Author 2sure Posted April 30, 2009 Author Posted April 30, 2009 Just to clarify, this is not the woman my H cheated with. This one was just fishing for him. Having dealt with real infidelity a year previous - I felt more anger than I otherwise might have. And yes, I lied. I made up a hurtful remark that would plant the seed of doubt in her own H. The fact that she was in fact looking to cheat on her own marriage probably made it all the easier for her to believe it when I told her it was rumored her own H was cheating. It was spiteful and probably deserved.....but thats not MY JOB. So, a year later she calls me to get some confirmation because H has left her. She believes for someone else. I know enough , having been cheated on , to know that the paranoia alone can ruin a marriage. Maybe it did. But look - seriously. Why would she take a rumor told to her by the woman whose H she tried to seduce....as gospel???I mean , I was a complete stranger to her. I came clean and I apologized to her for the lie. But thats as far as I can go. And NO - this was not posted to give any OW a lesson. LOL. I have a thread on here about just that. I have been OW, and I have been BS. Ive learned a lot. Mostly about myself. If my hindsight can help anyone thats great...but as this post proves, I make a lot of mistakes.
Reggie Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 Haven't read this whole thread. So, I apologize if this is repetetive. First, I think you shoukd just ignore her request. Don't get involved anymore. I cannot understand what good this woman feels your telling her hisband will do. Yes, I suppose it might explain her behavior and suspicions. But, if you tell him, he'd have to hear the story about her attempted hookup with your H. I would think his wife's attempt at cheating would offset any good that explaining her suspicions would do.
Reggie Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 She told the woman it was known in the community that her (other other woman's) husband was cheating on her. Because she LIED,(she told the woman it was known in the community that her (other other woman's) husband was cheating on her0,and it destroyed another's marriage-granted there must have been problems already in existence....still... Black and white, folks, remember? And I think somebody somewhere said,"a lie is a lie is a lie. Let's be consistent. Otherwise we lose credibility. Who cares about lying to someone attempting to cheat with your spouse? I don't normally smack people but I'd have no problem punching the lights out of some guy cheating with my wife,if I did no have to deal with the legalities. I have no compunction about lying to a cheater. If some bimbo is trying to start an affair with her H , all bets are off and the cheater deserves some Karma.
Reggie Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 So, I called her back. I told her that although I was sorry I lied ....the rest of it had nothing to do with me. She started to talk to me about her husband and marriage and I stopped her. I told her I was still the woman who's H she attempted to seduce. So, thats done. I get a little obsessive about Karma. I have to keep in mind that its not always about mine. All of this has brought to the forefront that I have some disclosure to open to my H. I feel that although he has become completely transparent and is sincerely a changed man.... I have to come clean. I have to show him and maybe give to him the complete file I maintained during that crazy making time leading up to D-Day. Its ugly. It will put me in a bad light. It will show him I capable of more things than a healthy person should be. But you know, Ive been carrying this around and I have got to let it go. Actulaly, the obsessive/compliling thing is very normal and healthy, IMO. The severity of the trauma affects folks like this and you have nothing to be ashamed of, IMO.
tami-chan Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 We're sanctimonious. That's rich. Personally, I draw distinctions depending on the subject of the lie, the context of the moment, and what the person who lies does to make it right. You want to paint with a broad brush? Knock yourself out. Actually, not me...Gorilla, I rarely moralized here. But I know for a fact many here see lies and issues in life ONLY in black and white....they have said it many times BUT apparently only if the lie was committed by people they do not like. Otherwise, they can "understand" and "it happens", etc. How is that for hypocrisy?
tami-chan Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 It isn't selective at all. I am not outraged because I am human and I feel if the worse she did was lie to the ow who was f-ng her husband, the ow was reaping what she sowed and was getting off pretty damn easy. I am a human, a former bs, who wanted to plant my foot up ow's a$$ and break it off, so please forgive me if I don't think her lie destroyed a family or caused effective the future trust of a lying, cheating ow. Had the ow come clean with her own H, she wouldn't have been begging OP to not tell. Morally we are all corrupt, the sooner you realize that the sooner you will stop splitting hairs and looking for justification for cheating. You aren't going to change my mind about my views and I don't care whether you find my post credible or not. I don't live my life looking for approval from anyone other than God. Oh please.... where is your life is "black and white" speech? You shouldnt care WHY she lied...just that she LIED. It is wrong, in your black and white world, isn't it? So I expect you to denounce it. Just like you have denounced other lies or perceptions of lies. How about standing on your principles? you cant.
tami-chan Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Who cares about lying to someone attempting to cheat with your spouse? I don't normally smack people but I'd have no problem punching the lights out of some guy cheating with my wife,if I did no have to deal with the legalities. I have no compunction about lying to a cheater. If some bimbo is trying to start an affair with her H , all bets are off and the cheater deserves some Karma. I don't (read what I posted before) BUT I like to point out the hypocrisy.
bentnotbroken Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Oh please.... where is your life is "black and white" speech? You shouldnt care WHY she lied...just that she LIED. It is wrong, in your black and white world, isn't it? So I expect you to denounce it. Just like you have denounced other lies or perceptions of lies. How about standing on your principles? you cant. Yes, she lied. We agree. I don't give a damn is what I am saying. I am human and I don't give a damn about the ow. ARE WE CLEAR? My principles are something that you can't and will never understand because you come from a different persecptive. My black and white speech doesn't need to be said, because she DID APOLOGIZE. Didn't you read that many times? She admitted she did wrong, she owned her mess, she apologized. She called the woman and owned it. And I don't care what you expect. I expect most people not be cheaters, but you proved that wrong didn't you. I stand on, behind and entwined with my principles. The end.
tami-chan Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Yes, she lied. We agree. I don't give a damn is what I am saying. I am human and I don't give a damn about the ow. ARE WE CLEAR? My principles are something that you can't and will never understand because you come from a different persecptive. My black and white speech doesn't need to be said, because she DID APOLOGIZE. Didn't you read that many times? She admitted she did wrong, she owned her mess, she apologized. She called the woman and owned it. And I don't care what you expect. I expect most people not be cheaters, but you proved that wrong didn't you. I stand on, behind and entwined with my principles. The end. Well...hypocrisy is alive!
bentnotbroken Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Well...hypocrisy is alive! How is it alive. Again, I ask, did you not see that she called the woman and apologized. How man ow/om do that. She also spoke with her husband. She did everything that I have advocated doing when you have lied to someone. What is your hang up? Are you high on something or just ignoring the facts because it makes you feel better?
D-Lish Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that their problems had little to do with your one remark. If everything was okay, she never would have came on to your husband in the first place. I think things were already heading downhill long before she even came on to your H. You came clean with her, I think that's enough. You don't owe this woman anything! She can do whatever she wants with what you told her. Besides, how would explaining to her H help? You'd have to then disclose she came on to your husband which is why you said what you said. I doubt that would bring them closer together now.... You can redeem your Karma by just doing something nice for someone else.
tami-chan Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 How is it alive. Again, I ask, did you not see that she called the woman and apologized. How man ow/om do that. She also spoke with her husband. She did everything that I have advocated doing when you have lied to someone. What is your hang up? Are you high on something or just ignoring the facts because it makes you feel better? High? that's not something I personally know anything about..tell me more about it, looks like you do:p I am ignoring the excuses. !
Reggie Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 I don't (read what I posted before) BUT I like to point out the hypocrisy. Hypocrisy-schmicocrisy. Who gives a rats ass about lying to someone intent on cheating with one's spouse.
tami-chan Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Ignoring right and wrong is more like it. Is this a black and white thing? As in telling a lie is wrong and never telling a lie is right?
ForumFool Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 To the OP I am glad you did apologize to her because two wrongs do not make a right as the old saying goes and it sez a lot about your class..Good for you.....I am however lost ...did you talk to her hubby and tell her YOU put the seeds of doubt in her mind????? I ask for two reasons.....It may not matter in the end but I wish you had because MAYBE she was flirting with your hubby and would not have crossed the line IF he had taken the bait?...However your lie really happened and it may have caused her to be very controlling at home and it may have driven him away...We cannot know all but I wish you had taken the time to make your lies right to both of them...What she did and didn't do is up to her to make right...maybe she asked God to forgive her for her flirting? I know if some woman called connected to someone my hubby worked with...even when I was blind to my hubby and thought he hung the moon...I would have thought she was for real. I mean really, who would just make that up? I would always suspect due to that call....Lies are never good especially of this caliber. I also agree with some other poster hubby really ought to kill the sweetheart and honey talk....it can mislead...My best to you.
tami-chan Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Hypocrisy-schmicocrisy. Who gives a rats ass about lying to someone intent on cheating with one's spouse. Not you, apparently and that is absolutely fine!
NoIDidn't Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 MAYBE she was flirting with your hubby and would not have crossed the line IF he had taken the bait?...However your lie really happened and it may have caused her to be very controlling at home and it may have driven him away... Tami chan got to you, huh? Because this doesn't make any sense. This woman's flirting with 2sure's H actually happened too. Two wrongs don't make a right, but I've yet to read where THIS WOMAN apologized the 2sure for what she was doing. But now she wants 2sure to tell the woman's H what she said. In order to do that, 2sure would also have to tell the man WHY she said it. And what is THAT going to help. I think 2sure took care of it just fine. She distracted the woman and protected her marriage. That woman should have been protecting her own marriage instead of trying to poach 2sure's H. Humph! LOL.
tami-chan Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Tami chan got to you, huh? Because this doesn't make any sense. This woman's flirting with 2sure's H actually happened too. Two wrongs don't make a right, but I've yet to read where THIS WOMAN apologized the 2sure for what she was doing. But now she wants 2sure to tell the woman's H what she said. In order to do that, 2sure would also have to tell the man WHY she said it. And what is THAT going to help. I think 2sure took care of it just fine. She distracted the woman and protected her marriage. That woman should have been protecting her own marriage instead of trying to poach 2sure's H. Humph! LOL. No need to insult ForumFool, I believe she can think for herself. see..if 2sure had told the OW's husband what his wife had done, like how most of the people would've advised her, she wouldn't even had to lie. But that's not what happened. She lied and that's all there is to it. I think I have said before that I do not think 2sure should feel bad..but 2sure is a good person(at least from what I gleaned from her posts) and felt bad about her lie. I am raising the question of some people who are inconsistent about their stance on lying itself. I have always said that good, decent people lie sometimes without intending to destroy anything ( maybe it is for self-preservation)--perhaps out of anger , out of spite, certainly to hurt the person directly and swiftly but hopefully without long term damage....but noooooo, many people here refuse to see it, UNTIL it is one of their own..or people they "like"...it is subjective moralizing.
Reggie Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 I don't think anyone should have a problem lying to a cheater. They do not deserve the truth.
bentnotbroken Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 Reg, 2sure lied, she admitted she did. She felt bad and went to her H and apologized to the ow. She admitted to 2 people she was wrong. She came clean. Something that at least half the cheaters never do to cover their own a$$es. She did what most of us implore liars to do. She did it, why hound her to do something she has already done? I personally don't understand why that is so hard for one to comprehend, do you? If you can figure it out, will you explain it to me.
Reggie Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 I'm certainly not hounding her to do anything for the woman that attempted to insert herself in her marriage. I am impressed she is so honest that she even told the woman the ruth. For me, i would have simply told the woman to buzz off. Not sure where you got the idea I was being critical of 2.
bentnotbroken Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 I'm certainly not hounding her to do anything for the woman that attempted to insert herself in her marriage. I am impressed she is so honest that she even told the woman the ruth. For me, i would have simply told the woman to buzz off. Not sure where you got the idea I was being critical of 2. :DNo Reg, not you. I mean tami. I wondered if you could explain it to me. Sorry, for the misunderstanding.
NoIDidn't Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 I'm certainly not hounding her to do anything for the woman that attempted to insert herself in her marriage. I am impressed she is so honest that she even told the woman the ruth. For me, i would have simply told the woman to buzz off. Not sure where you got the idea I was being critical of 2. Me too. I would have just told the woman that I didn't remember WHAT I said to her. Its water under the bridge. She did what she felt necessary at the time to protect her family and home. That she came clean, apologized to the woman, and told her H, is MORE than enough to absolve her of any potential guilt. Thing is, SOME people never know WHEN to stop lying. I can see why her little incident is setting them off. Or, at least setting one particular poster off anyway.
ForumFool Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 :lmao: :lmao: Tami chan got to you, huh? Because this doesn't make any sense. This woman's flirting with 2sure's H actually happened too. Two wrongs don't make a right, but I've yet to read where THIS WOMAN apologized the 2sure for what she was doing. But now she wants 2sure to tell the woman's H what she said. In order to do that, 2sure would also have to tell the man WHY she said it. And what is THAT going to help. I think 2sure took care of it just fine. She distracted the woman and protected her marriage. That woman should have been protecting her own marriage instead of trying to poach 2sure's H. Humph! LOL. I posted to 2sure.....aka OP not to you...I posted MY opinion. I respect all opinions you might try to do the same..If 2Sure ONLY wanted her friends opinions she ought to have stated that and I would not have posted I am respectful and would have just passed by... I am semi new and was adding my view and trying to be helpful is all..I stand by what I posted. As to the lady who shall we say flirted (being the OP said she never cheated with her husband but emailed flirtious letters ) had 2sure told OW's hubby that would then be a consequence of what SHE the almost OW asked for and that woman would have to deal with it....she asked...if it blew up in her face it would have been what she asked for.....Karma would then be something 2sure has nothing to fear. Myself I am not one to buy into Karma but to each their own. Point is all lies would have been exposed and 2sure could sleep better. Hell she posted about this it had /has to have bothered her.....I can understand WHY she lied I have done a lot of crazy things in my life.
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