Ariadne Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 confuse, Why are you dating someone that depends so heavily on those sites? If you don't like what she is doing maybe she is not for you.
MissHollywood Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 I know of people addicted to fb and constantly adding things to tell others what they're doing or will be doing. It annoys the hell out of me. I find them bored and attention seeking. I wouldn't suggest breaking up with her over it but a good talk is needed.
bluechocolate Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 You know that thing about teenagers & the telephone ? How they sit on the phone for hours on end discussing next to nothing ? I did that in my teens & IMO spending obsessive amounts of time on Facebook is kind of the same thing. That is why I made my previous comment about age. I live thousands of miles away from my immediate family & many friends. We keep in touch primarily via the telephone & email. To my mind Facebook is just another communication tool, albeit one that doesn't work for me. I don't think anyone here is saying that you should break up with someone just because they have a Facebook page. It's about priorities & appropriate use. I talk with her on the phone and there are numerous times where I can tell that she didn't hear a word I said because she's online chatting or posting stuffs while talking to me. I would hang up the phone on her.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 You know that thing about teenagers & the telephone ? How they sit on the phone for hours on end discussing next to nothing ? I did that in my teens & IMO spending obsessive amounts of time on Facebook is kind of the same thing. That is why I made my previous comment about age. I live thousands of miles away from my immediate family & many friends. We keep in touch primarily via the telephone & email. To my mind Facebook is just another communication tool, albeit one that doesn't work for me. I don't think anyone here is saying that you should break up with someone just because they have a Facebook page. It's about priorities & appropriate use. I talk with her on the phone and there are numerous times where I can tell that she didn't hear a word I said because she's online chatting or posting stuffs while talking to me. I would hang up the phone on her. I think it also shows her level of interest in him a bit one thing I did notice he said was he asks her to look stuff up for him on the PC? I had an ex that would constantly/obsessively do that to me to the point it was like the man couldn't do anything for himself. I don't mind once in a while but yea you get the idea is that something you do allot of #1? Not saying it is and maybe it just applies to my old situation cant hurt to ask tho my ex was a bit of a nut so its prob just him. I say shes def losing interest in you ya guys need to have a serious talk about the direction the relationship is going..
JoGarr Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 I think it's really stupid, indiscreet, and attention seeking and I told her how I feel about it. She would stop for 1 day but return to her facebook routine with even more fervor as if to make up for lost time. It has taken a toll in our relationship since I get annoyed so much sometimes that I would try to ignore talking to her for several days. I don't want to give her any more attention than the attention she is trying to seek from everyone and anyone. Has anyone experienced this? Yeah, I totally know where you're coming from. The old obsession to facebook/social networking sites problem seems to be a common bone of contension in many relationships! I can totally understand how it may frustrate/bother you to the point where you don't even want to talk to your GF, but doesn't she mind that you feel this way and don't talk to her for 3 days? My fiance has just recently joined FB and has accumulated several "internet friends" most of whom are female. He doesn't have many friends who he's actually MET on it!! He's also constantly on the site, commenting on ladies pages, making updates etc, even though he barely knows any of these people. In fairness, before he met me he always told me he got on better with females and that most of his friends were female. I always accepted this as just how he was, but now I wonder was I perhaps being a little naive?? I just don't understand WHY anyone in a relationship would feel the need to constantly be on FB, "talking" to strangers of the opposite sex? I know my fiance and, it seems, your GF are very insecure, but what does that mean exactly as far as FB is concerned? Does it mean frequent users, that are so insecure they may crave ANY attention, no matter who it's from, are therefore potential cheaters? I just don't know where it all leads too:confused: ps sorry for the rant...... I didn't realise that it bothered me SO much until I started typing this:o
voldigicam Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 It doesn't necessarily stop early. My SO is 45 and she spends vast amounts of time sucked into it. She's a mega type B and refuses to acknowledge that spending time on FB, taking 4x the amount of time required to do other things, all that stuff - hurts us and hurts our business. Does seem an addiction. If one never forgets to check all day and cares about strangers and so on, that's odd. I check to see what she's doing! But then again, this is someone who I can get an IM response from more easily than vocal. I'll sit on the porch and IM with her in the living room and get more data than I would in a week from talking!
Lucky_One Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 We are long distance so we only see each other a couple of times a year so sometimes the only chance of me connecting with her is through phone and email. What?? You have dated 5 years. You are LD. You see each other a few times a year. And you are p*ssed because she spends tons of time on her FB showing her FB friends what she is up to? Any thought that subconciously she could be doing this for YOU? Rather than her being out with friends, or hanging in clubs, or playing chess at the library with the chess club guys, or going rock climbing on weekends with men in shorts with strong brown legs, she is on a computer making sure that you know exactly what she is doing at any moment of the day! As for her multi-tasking when she is on the phone with you, I would simply tell her that you don't like it, don't appreciate it, and if she continues it, then you will not carry on a conversation with her (like someone else suggested). To be perfectly honest, you are willing to throw away 5 years of a relationship with the woman you claim to love - because she has a habit that really doesn't interfer with the vast majority of your life, because you are long distance and it isn't like you are spending time with her on a personal basis anyway. I would guess that you are ready to break up anyway, that you have either gotten lonely and bored with the LD aspect and have fallen out of love with her (perfectly understandable - LDRs are hard) or you are attracted to someone else and want the freedom to pursue a new relationship. But FB really isn't the issue here - your feelings about her are.
northstar1 Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 It doesn't necessarily stop early. My SO is 45 and she spends vast amounts of time sucked into it. She's a mega type B and refuses to acknowledge that spending time on FB, taking 4x the amount of time required to do other things, all that stuff - hurts us and hurts our business. Does seem an addiction. If one never forgets to check all day and cares about strangers and so on, that's odd. I check to see what she's doing! But then again, this is someone who I can get an IM response from more easily than vocal. I'll sit on the porch and IM with her in the living room and get more data than I would in a week from talking! Wow, that's kind of ridiculous, no?
voldigicam Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 It is kind of silly, but it happens. On the other hand, she apparently facebooked all morning and failed to notice that I had a long snuggle lunch with a lonely wife friend. There you go. Use it or lose it.
Els Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 As sad/immature/etc etc as some might think her habit is... It's just a quirk, geez, and it sure doesn't hurt anyone. If she was spamming guys with messages there or stalking them, there might be cause for worry. If she cannot go out with you/help you when you need her/have sex with you because she MUST update her fb NOW, then there is cause for worry. But it doesn't seem to be so. I believe a more pertinent question, OP, is why does it bother you to the extent that you stop talking to her for days to try and emotionally blackmail her into stopping? Don't you think that's being a control freak? If YOU were mature, you'd recognize that this is but a minor annoyance -- all our partners have at least one or two quirks that annoy us, I'm sure. We just recognize it for the minor quirk that it is, and let it be as long as it doesn't negatively impact our relationship.
northstar1 Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 As sad/immature/etc etc as some might think her habit is... It's just a quirk, geez, and it sure doesn't hurt anyone. If she was spamming guys with messages there or stalking them, there might be cause for worry. If she cannot go out with you/help you when you need her/have sex with you because she MUST update her fb NOW, then there is cause for worry. But it doesn't seem to be so. I believe a more pertinent question, OP, is why does it bother you to the extent that you stop talking to her for days to try and emotionally blackmail her into stopping? Don't you think that's being a control freak? If YOU were mature, you'd recognize that this is but a minor annoyance -- all our partners have at least one or two quirks that annoy us, I'm sure. We just recognize it for the minor quirk that it is, and let it be as long as it doesn't negatively impact our relationship. They are in an LDR, and as you know, the key to an LDR working is communication. If she is spending the time, while they are supposed to be communicating, typing emails to others, or chatting, or tuned out to what he is saying, than that is disrepectful and indicative she is being selfish. So, surely you can see it would be more than a minor annoyance in his shoes? How would you feel about it if your long distance partner acted this way? And obvioiusly it is impact his relationship or he wouldn't be that concerned.
conehead Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 I know of people addicted to fb and constantly adding things to tell others what they're doing or will be doing. It annoys the hell out of me. I find them bored and attention seeking. I wouldn't suggest breaking up with her over it but a good talk is needed. I agree. Given you've dated 5 years, its not something to break up over YET but it's def worthy of a serious talk.
Els Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 They are in an LDR, and as you know, the key to an LDR working is communication. If she is spending the time, while they are supposed to be communicating, typing emails to others, or chatting, or tuned out to what he is saying, than that is disrepectful and indicative she is being selfish. So, surely you can see it would be more than a minor annoyance in his shoes? How would you feel about it if your long distance partner acted this way? And obvioiusly it is impact his relationship or he wouldn't be that concerned. Whoops, my apologies. I didn't read the 2nd page of the thread -- made the wrong assumption that if she HAD been doing that, that would have been his primary concern instead of 'she updates it every hour or so, even if just to change a word in her status'. I still think that cutting off communication with his partner, for whatever reason, is just immature, avoidant, and emotional blackmail though. If he talks about it with her, it should be about her not spending enough time talking to HIM; ie 'I don't like it when you keep typing and don't hear a word I say during our phone conversations', not 'I don't want you to update your facebook status every 30 minutes because it's indiscreet, immature, and attention-seeking'. What he seems to be doing is trying to control her facebook activities entirely, instead of making sure that she gives him their relationship the time and attention it deserves. So if she continues lying about it, give her the ultimatum and be prepared to leave, don't use the silent treatment as blackmail.
Sephirothh Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 its pretty stupid I agree, some girls just do dumb things sad thing is they don't realize how dumb they look when they are doing it.
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