samjohn Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 I posted here a while back and got some great advice/feedback! THANK YOU! The short of it: Started an EA with a the MM of a couple friend. What's going on now: I had decided that it wasn't worth it, stopped texting about a week ago, but still feeling the emotional rollercoaster. We had never discussed ending it, but it kind of fizzled. Husband tells me last night that MM's wife, who I've been building a wonderful friendship with, or so I thought, accused us of a PA. His wife and I talk daily, do stuff together all the time, I thought we were becomming good friends?? Why do I feel so sad, confused, etc?? I KNOW that a relationship with him would NEVER work. I'm a fantasy to him, him to me. I thought I was getting over it until he told my husband yesterday that his wife was accusing, now it's like I want it (the EA) back?? How long does will I feel this way?? I don't want to feel the need to want him or the EA? I WANT to stay married, although I don't have the feelings I want for my husband (he had a EA and PA and it broke my heart). I do feel strongly that he is doing ALL he can to prove to me it will never happen again! And has actually turned into the most wonderful husband! Any thoughts/advice?? I REALLY want to get over this and not feel this feeling. Thank you all
bentnotbroken Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 I posted here a while back and got some great advice/feedback! THANK YOU! The short of it: Started an EA with a the MM of a couple friend. What's going on now: I had decided that it wasn't worth it, stopped texting about a week ago, but still feeling the emotional rollercoaster. We had never discussed ending it, but it kind of fizzled. Husband tells me last night that MM's wife, who I've been building a wonderful friendship with, or so I thought, accused us of a PA. His wife and I talk daily, do stuff together all the time, I thought we were becomming good friends?? Why do I feel so sad, confused, etc?? I KNOW that a relationship with him would NEVER work. I'm a fantasy to him, him to me. I thought I was getting over it until he told my husband yesterday that his wife was accusing, now it's like I want it (the EA) back?? How long does will I feel this way?? I don't want to feel the need to want him or the EA? I WANT to stay married, although I don't have the feelings I want for my husband (he had a EA and PA and it broke my heart). I do feel strongly that he is doing ALL he can to prove to me it will never happen again! And has actually turned into the most wonderful husband! Any thoughts/advice?? I REALLY want to get over this and not feel this feeling. Thank you all As you allowed and nurtured those feelings over time, it will also take time for them to dissipate. You worked to feed those thoughts, now work to starve them. Does you H know the truth?
2sure Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 As with any kind of affair the first and most required step that has to be taken for a marriage to recover is NO CONTACT. If you and your husband are still socializing and having contact with your affair partner and his wife - your emotional attachment will not be broken. In essence, with the contact - even vicariously - the EA still continues. At least on your part. Conversation about the affair should only be happening between you and your husband. No contact or both you and your husband can expect this to continue.
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