pandagirl Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 I haven't been posting much on here lately. Sort of took a break. Left town to visit my family which was really great, and just trying to lay low and not spend so much time focusing on myself. I've been doing really well though -- happy, optimistic, reasonably confident. Still going to therapy and the lexapro I've been taking has been working well. All in all: good times. Tonight, however, I'm feeling a little down. For whatever reason, I started thinking about the guy I dated from last year and got very sad. He still tried to contact me occasionally, though he is in a relationship, but I don't answer. This is someone I genuinely like a lot, but friendship is just not in the cards for us, which is sad, but it is what it is. I started thinking about why I ruminate on things, why I get sad about things that are long over, why I emotionally torture myself, and I think it's maybe because I am repressed. I never voice my feelings, I never want to burden people with my problems, I don't want to be a nuisance. I'd rather take on the pain for others, than have others suffer. I keep everything inside and end-up carrying it around with me for a very long time. I know I have the power to unload this baggage, but it still lingers. So my question is: should I learn to be more communicative or just learn to deal with my feelings better?
Ruby Slippers Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 I believe in the power of saying what is true for you. You can express your feelings without trying to influence or change anyone's behavior, and I think that doing so is healthy for you and the relationship.
carhill Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 Do you think if you were/are your authentic self, people won't like you?
Author pandagirl Posted April 29, 2009 Author Posted April 29, 2009 Do you think if you were/are your authentic self, people won't like you? I think I am my authentic self. It's not that I'm not being myself, it's more that I hold in what is bothering me. Maybe it's partly cultural -- the way I was brought up was not to complain about anything and not to make your problems other peoples' problems. My friends always say I have a "it's not a big deal" attitude, even though it is a big deal.
carhill Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 Do you see the disconnect? You realize it's a big deal cognitively but you repress the big deal emotionally. That's a disconnect of authenticity, IMO. I struggle with getting the emotions out in a constructive way, but find being more immediate and "authentic" feels far healthier than my prior mechanism of deference and acting like things were OK when they weren't. Make sense?
Author pandagirl Posted May 1, 2009 Author Posted May 1, 2009 Do you see the disconnect? You realize it's a big deal cognitively but you repress the big deal emotionally. That's a disconnect of authenticity, IMO. I struggle with getting the emotions out in a constructive way, but find being more immediate and "authentic" feels far healthier than my prior mechanism of deference and acting like things were OK when they weren't. Make sense? I understand what you're saying, but I almost feel like it's more of a bother to express myself -- like it causes more trouble than it's worth. Oh, and, avoidance is a whole other issue! haha.
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