crackerjax9 Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 my boyfriend of 11 months has always been insecure and jealous about my past relationships..hes always starting fights over exes or guys i hooked up with five years ago.. i have no contact with any of them and dont understand why he is so insecure..its hurting our relationship and were always fighting.. i love him and dont get why he keeps doing this or how to help him stop.
pinkiebrain Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 As difficult as it may be, (because we all seem to want to do any and every thing to make our significant other happy), he is the only one who can turn this around. It all comes down to his lack of self-confidence... If you're constantly attempting to build him up but he still doesnt believe it, there's absolutely nothing more that you can do. He has to love himself first and be able to let go of the past before he can love you and move on with the future.
AAlike Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 my boyfriend of 11 months has always been insecure and jealous about my past relationships..hes always starting fights over exes or guys i hooked up with five years ago.. i have no contact with any of them and dont understand why he is so insecure..its hurting our relationship and were always fighting.. i love him and dont get why he keeps doing this or how to help him stop. I assume that you mean starting fights with you, right (not seeking out your exes and starting fights with them, cause that would be bad)? Anyway, how old are you two, and is this your boyfriend's first serious relationship?
Enema Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 The only way people with retro-active jealousy issues learn; is to be dumped, and told that is the primary reason. If he gets a proper shock to his system and realizes that this type of behaviour is the cause and is unacceptable - he'll change. Bad news is... he'll change for the next girl, not you.
You'reasian Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 i have no contact with any of them and dont understand why he is so insecure. I could sort of understand your man's feelings if they were still trying to hook up with you and still heavily involved in your life but if they aren't... Retroactive jealousy - plain & simple. Give him space, separate and let him sort it out.
cp3 Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 My question comes from the guys point of view, because I can sympathize with him.. Im very insecure with my gf, even though I was a very confident individual before I started dating her. How can we (the guys that are insecure about their gf's past) get over it? I understand that its petty, and that it hurts our relationship, but I still feel angry and insecure whenever she brings up a past bf, or whenever she has contact with other guys. What can I personally do to change that?
Shock Me Sane Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 Dump him...People like that rarely change. Agreed. I had a boyfriend who was really jealous/angry about my past relationships. I thought he was a nice guy, but he ended up being psycho.
Author crackerjax9 Posted May 12, 2009 Author Posted May 12, 2009 i wound up breaking up with him last week because of text messages i found in his phone.. it hink he was being insecure and accusing me of doing **** behind his back when he in reality was the one doing all those things
reservoirdog1 Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 You did the right thing by dumping him. That would've been the right thing to do even if you HADN'T found those text messages on his phone. People like that, whether male or female, have a lot of issues, and trying to deal with those issues can be suffocating and miserable. My last GF was very jealous about women I'd slept with before her, whether I was still in contact with them or not. Those couple I was still in contact with, she expected me to discontinue contact, even if they were social friends or part of my circle. The issue got worse, and after a number of arguments, it reached a point where she wanted me to acknowledge that I had "used" the women I'd had sex with before I met her. I told her that each of us had a past (she'd slept with other guys before me), and that neither of us owed the other an explanation for such things that pre-dated our relationship. She disagreed. That fight was the catalyst that led me to end the relationship. She was a very affectionate and devoted person, no doubt about that. But ending the relationship was very liberating.
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