SandraS Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 Hi, I am new to these boards and am posting this because of something that has come up the past couple of months. Back in December my husband and I were invited to a Christmas party at the house of one of our family friends. There was this other couple there who had two kids (ages 15 and 18). At the party they got along great with him. They were joking and laughing the whole time. One of them (the 18-year-old) has developed sort of a friendship with my husband. After the party they continued to keep in touch using e-mail. They are also friends on FaceBook. At first they sent messages every day. By now it has dwindled to a message once a week. From what I have heard, she has met him a few times since the party. Here is list of the encounters he's had with her since then: March 1 - DH works in the music department of a local university. This girl is a first year student who isn't satisfied with her current school, so she is looking to transfer. On this day she had a piano audition at the school where DH works. After all the auditions were over she told him that she got here by taking a train and walking the rest of the way. DH told me that he offered her a ride. At first she said she didn't want to bother him, but he told her that it wouldn't be a problem. March 16 - DH did a performance in New York. It was a small low-key thing with only a few people in attendance. 18 y.o. girl saw a notice on his website and decided to come. From what I heard, she doesn't have her license yet so she had to take public transportation. The show was over at 10 PM and it was dark. Since the girl lives in our area, DH offered to drive her back home. It takes about two hours to drive from NY to where we live. The next morning I wanted to know why he arrived later than expected. He told me that the night before he had seen the 18y.o. at his show. Before going home he said he was hungry and stopped at a restaurant. She said she didn't have cash and would have to pay with her debit card. He then told her that she shouldn't worry; he would pay for the two of them. During the car ride home, she was joking about how much she liked him. She even compared him to drugs and said that being around him was addictive. April 12 - When I came home from grocery shopping I was about to enter my house when someone in a black trenchcoat approached me. She asked me if I knew when the next train was coming (we live near a train station). I told her I didn't and she left. At the time I thought nothing of it. A few minutes later it dawned on me that her face looked familiar. It was the same person we met at the party! She was also carrying a video camera around her neck. She must've looked us up in the phone book. So now she isn't just following my husband, she is also coming to our neighborhood and recording images of our house. April 25 - In June he will be playing a concert with a local youth orchestra. By some strange coincidence, the girl used to play in that same orchestra a few years ago, but stopped going. Since she was a member before, she knows where rehearsals are held and went there, trenchcoat, camera and all. During rehearsals she was standing in a corner filming with the camera focused on my husband, the object of her obsession. When they had a break she approached him and they talked some more. She asked if he noticed the camera. He smiled and said he did. She then filmed him while he was talking to someone else. He laughed and waved at the camera. After it was all over she walked with him to his car and they exchanged a few more words. This time he didn't give her a ride, she took the train home. When he told me all this I asked him why he kept encouraging her. Didn't he get creeped out by her randomly showing up everywhere and taping their conversations? "Come on she's not that bad," he told me. "It's actually kind of cute." He says he enjoys her fairly well. Whenever they are together she makes alot of smart ass comments and sometimes uses profanity. I guess she is one of those kids who was raised on South Park, The Simpsons etc. He thinks the stuff she talks about is amusing. It's like nothing she does can ever annoy him.
Kaii Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 That is quite the situation you have going on. I'm not even sure what to say, really. I will say that if it were me and my husband, then I would have a complete freak out. I mean, what business does he have chumming around and encouraging an 18 year old girl, who has a bit of a fatal attraction thing going on??? It's completely creepy and inappropriate, if you ask me. The fact that she keeps showing up where he is and video taping him, and the comment about how he "is like drugs" to her....creep city. And even worse, the fact that your husband apparently sees nothing wrong with it, and says it's "cute". Wow, just wow.
sotired Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 That is totally creepy!!! :sick: I think it's completely inappropriate...She's the daughter of a family friend! Maybe he is just really dense and doesn't realize that she's obviously obsessed? I think I'd be saying something to her parents....IF your husband is totally innocent and hasn't made comments to lead her on.
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 This girl knows exactly what she is doing, and your husband with his puffed up ego likes the attention in a sick way. I would be on the phone with the department head, and the girls parents, like yesterday and give them complete details. Tell them your family is beginning to feel threatened, and that you do not want to have to call the police. The last thing you want is this girl striking first. You have to strike first, strike hard, and crush her. Do not give her a chance to get vindictive. The last thing you want is some bogus 'rape' charge or 'affair' stuff coming up. Lastly, your husband needs to know that his ass is on the line, and this girl could bring his world down. He has got to cut off ALL contact.
Potatocakes Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 This is not acceptable at all, its creepy and obsessive. Your husband is feeding off the attention she's giving him. Granted I dont think he wants to have an affair with her I think he's just happy this young woman thinks the world of him but it really has gone way over the line. The cameras and recorders is way to far tell your husband it seriously needs to stop, absolutly no contact.
Citizen Erased Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 For some reason the name Buttafuoco springs to mind.
Lyssa Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 "She even compared him to drugs and said that being around him was addictive." - Hmmm... sounds like a line from Twilight.
Citizen Erased Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 "She even compared him to drugs and said that being around him was addictive." - Hmmm... sounds like a line from Twilight. "Like my own personal brand of heroin" I believe it was. Ah Edward.
whichwayisup Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 You know her parents? If so, talk to them! This girl is crushing on your husband and her behaviour IS freaky.. He is getting his ego stroked and loving the attention, thinks it's "cute", problem is, crushes can turn into obsessions! It sounds like she's close to that so this needs to be dealt with seriously. Hopefully your husband will agree and back off of her too, he isn't helping the situation by giving her hope (any kind of attention IS going to feed her feelings).
JackJack Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 The way I see it is, they are both are at fault here. Probably more so your husband that her really, even though she has a big hand in this. He should know better, but obviously loves the attention and ego trip its providing. She is probably looking for that "father figure" and love/attention she might not have received in her earlier in her life. You never know how far a person is willing to go to have a void filled either. HE needs to nip this in the bud and know the importance of not feeding her void.
2sure Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 Your H is on to the fact that her behavior has become bizarre and inappropriate thats why he didn't give her a ride home the last time. Still, as a member of faculty he should have known better than to have had an on going email "friendship" with a student. Anyway, call her Mommy and Daddy: "Hi, this is Mrs. X. I understand your daughter took a video of Mr. X's concert as we'd like to get a copy." "Oh yes, Mr. X was quite surprised she would go to all of that travel inconvenience, but since she has we'd enjoy seeing the video." "As a matter a fact, Mr. X has noticed her showing up at the oddest places recently....is everything OK?"
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