xpaperxcutx Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 i forgot to mention this, but artist guy told me on our first meeting that he was jewish. I have no problem with his religion although I am somewhere between an agnostic and atheist. But then it dawned on me last night while I was getting into bed that jewish people are very strict on who they date. A close girlfriend of mine even mentioned to me once that her parents would only allow her to date and marry a jewish bavarian guy. So now I'm little taken aback about this little realization. Artist guy didn't make any mention that he was very devout but I remember when we were having dinner , he made references to how he couldn't get a tattoo and not be able to get buried in a jewish cemetary. So would that statement mean that he actually is very concerned about getting buried in a jewish cemetary? Then why would he choose to date me? I would only assume that he's one of the few who would be more than willing to date outside his religion. But that's just only an assumption. I don't want to bring this up with as I don't want to make this an issue, but it's really bugging me. HELP!
Chinook Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 Um, the only way you're gonna know is by asking him..!! Maybe he thinks he can 'convert' you...?! I dunno. My ex and I first met when he was heavily involved in his church. We once had a conversation regarding 'spirituality' and I actually talked about organised religions and to me, how they were just 'packaging' and that I had my own spiritual beliefs. It's really up to you, if he can accept you knowing who you are, can you accept him, knowing who he is..? Sometimes something as fundamental as this is really important in a relationship - but then other times, with mutual respect and understanding, it isn't important at all.
Copperkitty007 Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 I am jewish and from experience if he is concerned about the future (meaning where he is going to be buried) and following jewish law, then he probably will eventually want to marry jewish. doesnt mean he doesnt want to have fun and he may be very attracted to you - which may in the end make him say F the religion. When you feel more comfortable with him, jsut ask him what his view and his families view is on dating outside of his religion. Good Luck
serial muse Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 I wouldn't say it's only a few Jewish people who'll date outside of the religion. Depends on how religious he is; if he's Reform he probably has no problem with it. As for the tattoo thing - it may not be that he's religious per se. Even if he's not particularly religious, he may adhere to certain tenets of Judaism out of a cultural, rather than religious, belief. Really hard to say. The only way to know how religious he is (and what that means for dating you) is to ask him, though.
Star Gazer Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 He's not really dating you. He's having sex with you. There's a big difference there. That said, many Jewish guys date shiksas. However, they rarely have long-term designs with women who aren't of their faith.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted April 28, 2009 Author Posted April 28, 2009 He's not really dating you. He's having sex with you. There's a big difference there. That said, many Jewish guys date shiksas. However, they rarely have long-term designs with women who aren't of their faith. Star, it felt like you just threw a brick at me.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted April 28, 2009 Author Posted April 28, 2009 Um, the only way you're gonna know is by asking him..!! Maybe he thinks he can 'convert' you...?! I dunno. My ex and I first met when he was heavily involved in his church. We once had a conversation regarding 'spirituality' and I actually talked about organised religions and to me, how they were just 'packaging' and that I had my own spiritual beliefs. It's really up to you, if he can accept you knowing who you are, can you accept him, knowing who he is..? Sometimes something as fundamental as this is really important in a relationship - but then other times, with mutual respect and understanding, it isn't important at all. But Chinook, the topic was something he brought up briefly and nonchalantly. So for me to actually ask him out right is just impolite in my opinion. And converting? I don't know how I'll feel about that. I rather not talk about this.
Star Gazer Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 Star, it felt like you just threw a brick at me. I'm sorry. But it's true...
Author xpaperxcutx Posted April 28, 2009 Author Posted April 28, 2009 I wouldn't say it's only a few Jewish people who'll date outside of the religion. Depends on how religious he is; if he's Reform he probably has no problem with it. As for the tattoo thing - it may not be that he's religious per se. Even if he's not particularly religious, he may adhere to certain tenets of Judaism out of a cultural, rather than religious, belief. Really hard to say. The only way to know how religious he is (and what that means for dating you) is to ask him, though. I'm not very familar with judaism and the practices, but how can you tell from a first glance whether they stictly follow their practices? I know he like beer and wine, and most of all italian food. I'm not sure whether he adheres to kosher laws, but it doesn't seem like he would make a big fuss out of eating non-kosher food. There was another thing, besides the tattoo, he did told me he had used to dye his hair blonde back when he was little, and he had cartilage piercings back in high school.
Jaytb Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 But Chinook, the topic was something he brought up briefly and nonchalantly. So for me to actually ask him out right is just impolite in my opinion. so of course strangers on a forum will know the answer? lol
mr.dream merchant Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 My GF is the daughter of two devout Muslims. So in turn, that makes her Muslim. She told me about 4 months into our relationship that if we were ever to get serious and get married, they wouldn't marry her off to me unless I convert. Now me? I'm an agnostic. Normally something like this would bother me, people wanting me to convert, but to be honest, I'm all for it. If that's what it takes to make my GF my wife then I'll do it with the biggest smile on my face. Hey, it doesn't hurt to be Muslim for however long the conversion is, and whenever I need to be after that on Muslim Holidays. No pork? Fine with me, I'm not a fan of it anyways. I won't consider myself a Muslim, I'll just look back and know that I overcame an obstacle to be with my GF. That being said, maybe when you and this guy become more invested, one of you will just do whatever to be with each other. He might be like "**** that I'm marrying non-jew" You never know. Never put it past him unless he says otherwise.
Trialbyfire Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 The two of you went for Thai food. If he's not concerned about kosher foods, how devout can he be?
Jake Barnes Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 The two of you went for Thai food. If he's not concerned about kosher foods, how devout can he be? Thai food rules
serial muse Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 Star, it felt like you just threw a brick at me. Paper, the only solution is to discuss it with him. But for what it's worth, this has not been my experience at all. I've had long-term serious relationships with several Jewish men (just worked out that way) and I'm a shiksa. These are men of whom I had no doubt they were serious about me. My current BF, for what it's worth, is also Jewish (we've been dating almost 3 years). It's strange to me that people have this perception. As I said before, though, what matters is how religious a person is - and yes, it can matter how religious his family is as well, because they might put pressure on him. But that's really related to how important it really is to him. It's never, not once, been an issue for me. But the Jewish men I've dated have all been pretty much not religious. You'll just have to find it out from him what his values are in this respect. Don't assume it won't work out, though.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted April 28, 2009 Author Posted April 28, 2009 so of course strangers on a forum will know the answer? lol Lol I wouldn't expect you to be all- knowing, but I look forward to other's opinion on things.
Star Gazer Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 Paper, the only solution is to discuss it with him. But for what it's worth, this has not been my experience at all. I've had long-term serious relationships with several Jewish men (just worked out that way) and I'm a shiksa. These are men of whom I had no doubt they were serious about me. My current BF, for what it's worth, is also Jewish (we've been dating almost 3 years). You didn't marry any of them though. Right?
Trialbyfire Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 Thai food rulesSome of it is good, some...not so good. I had this monkfish stew once that turned me off badly. While I normally adore monkfish, this tasted like a big bowl of boiled, rancid fish. It was the restaurant's specialty, too. It was disgusting.
serial muse Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 You didn't marry any of them though. Right? Not yet. And not necessarily because they didn't want to. Don't assume, Star. Trust me.
Jake Barnes Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 Some of it is good, some...not so good. I had this monkfish stew once that turned me off badly. While I normally adore monkfish, this tasted like a big bowl of boiled, rancid fish. It was the restaurant's specialty, too. It was disgusting. Oh Im sorry to hear that You know I had never had Thai food and tried it on Touche's recommendation I generally get Chinese when I do Asian, but when I do Thai I do theVegetarian Pad Thai which is usually really good if you pick a good restaurant
Star Gazer Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 I've dated several Jewish men. None of them were overly religious; in fact, only one ever even went to temple. All were more than happy to date me, and be in a relationship with me. But at the end of the day, their Jewish bloodline was of the most importance to them. So if you're looking for a 'relationship' that will ultimately go nowhere, then go for it.
Kamille Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 I just had to search your history if only to understand what's going on... ... and to tell you the truth, I don't understand what's going on. Any chance you might be overanalyzing this just a little bit? Any chance you're freaking out because you're feeling vulnerable? I'm in a situation somewhat similar to yours: been dating a man who is sending me mixed signals for a month now (in actions he's 100% there, in words, he was a bit distant). I freaked out about two weeks into it and it made me realize one thing: I was only trying to exhert control on the situation by freaking out. I was also trying to force the relationship along too fast. Right now I'm just focusing on getting to know the guy, and the whole thing is much more enjoyable. hmmm, a lot more enjoyable.
Star Gazer Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 Not yet. And not necessarily because they didn't want to. Don't assume, Star. Trust me. I'm not assuming anything. I'm very, very familiar with Jewish law and custom, both formal and casual. So please, explain. These Jewish men want(ed) to marry you, a gentile?
Author xpaperxcutx Posted April 28, 2009 Author Posted April 28, 2009 Paper, the only solution is to discuss it with him. But for what it's worth, this has not been my experience at all. I've had long-term serious relationships with several Jewish men (just worked out that way) and I'm a shiksa. These are men of whom I had no doubt they were serious about me. My current BF, for what it's worth, is also Jewish (we've been dating almost 3 years). It's strange to me that people have this perception. As I said before, though, what matters is how religious a person is - and yes, it can matter how religious his family is as well, because they might put pressure on him. But that's really related to how important it really is to him. It's never, not once, been an issue for me. But the Jewish men I've dated have all been pretty much not religious. You'll just have to find it out from him what his values are in this respect. Don't assume it won't work out, though. Thank you S_M, I guess I am just a little on the paranoid side about this. I honestly never dated anyone religious, except my ex, who was catholic, but he didn't made it an issue with me about my non- existent faith. Artist guy is really just someone I truly hope I can develop something meaningful with. He's such an awesome guy, but I don't want to see his faith get in the way of stopping us from moving forward. And I don't want to put myself in a position to get so worked up over the little things. I never questioned him about his family, but I can tell by the way he mentions his grandmother, he's really into his family, and that is one of the qualities about him that made him stood out. Like I've said, I don't have a problem with him being jewish, it's just I hope he won't let his religion run his life completely. I know how certain orthodox jews are so strict with themselves they can just easily close themselves off from people who can enrich their lives. However, I can understand how they feel because I come from a very traditional family with a very protective mother, so it's very understandable why certain people would rather be with their own kind.
serial muse Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 I've dated several Jewish men. None of them were overly religious; in fact, only one ever even went to temple. All were more than happy to date me, and be in a relationship with me. But at the end of the day, their Jewish bloodline was of the most importance to them. So if you're looking for a 'relationship' that will ultimately go nowhere, then go for it. I'm sorry but I have to at this. This was your experience, but it's not necessarily going to be everyone's. I assure you, it was not mine. To the OP: that doesn't mean, however, that this isn't a dead end. I would just argue that you cannot know based on the fact that he's Jewish. He may well feel like he needs to be with someone who's Jewish, he may feel conflicted about it, or he may not care one way or the other. All of these things, I assure you, are possible. But we can't tell you which it is.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted April 28, 2009 Author Posted April 28, 2009 Some of it is good, some...not so good. I had this monkfish stew once that turned me off badly. While I normally adore monkfish, this tasted like a big bowl of boiled, rancid fish. It was the restaurant's specialty, too. It was disgusting. Maybe monkfish is an acquired taste? Did you check the restaurant's health inspection reports? The restaurant I went to had the most amazing salad. They used a type of dressing that had a little zing and spice in it.
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