LadyV Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 You know, I have been creeping this site for a while to finally become a member and post some replies...I am just not understanding why some men behave the way that they do. A little background... My EX and I started dating last year. Things were intense, wonderful, yet scary. He and I both had marriages, children, and heartbreak in the past. My EXB decided to totally end things over a month ago. There was NO explanation, although, it was not the first break up we had. Each time, he had turned cold, distant and just kept saying things where not right. After the last break up, I told him I was done, never contact me again. I did good, but almost a week later, he wrote me an email talking about how he was sorry that he just can't do it, he wishes me the best blah blah blah. I should have never replied, but I did...and basically pin-pointed everything he had said..how he's scared, he can't commit and so forth. I thought that was it, I had hoped that was it, until he sent me some random text. I didn't reply for several days...This was 3 weeks ago... Ever since then, it seems like our relationship went through the same exact cycle. He was telling me how much he loved me, how he needed me, but he knows he can't give me more until he gets help and figures out his issues. We saw one another for the first time since our break up 2 weeks ago, and ended up sleeping together, expressing all the same things, the I loves you's and so forth without fully saying we were together. We had a conversation a few days later, he told me he still has hope for us, but knows he needs to work out his issues. I told him I was not going to wait, and he totally expected that.. Fast forward 2 weeks to last night. At this point, we had been together 3 other times. He stayed the night one night, then one afternoon, I just went over to his place. Although, I really pissed him off when I started asking about what it was exactly that we were doing...We get into a huge blow up fight, he was telling me he I was one of those typical women, who wants something from him and he just can't do it. He said, 'I know you want me, well you can't have me.'. So basically I said, Well, it's done, You can't have your cake and eat it too....He said he was tired of the bs and that he had to go...Well, well, an hour later, I get a text from him saying how sorry he was, he was sorry to what we came to. I told him to call me, and he did. Last night, it seems as though everything has changed. He said, "Although I hate to do it, I need to let you go...I don't want you to wait for me." But then I asked him, well, what does he want from me? He said nothing. He gets mad when I ask him questions because I have no right to, yet, wants me to be there for him when he needs someone to talk to. He admited to talking to other women, and doesn't want to hear if I am doing the same, yet, knows that one of us will eventually move on. He said he likes where things are at...no commitment, yet wants to be able to be with me without him thinking that I'm using him. He hit it right on when he said to me, "If your sleeping with me in hopes that you will get me back, then don't do it. Just take it for what it is...we love eachother, we want to be with eachother, yet, have too many issues keeping us apart. I told him I deserved more, and he said he knows, but that he just can't do it..so be it..fine. But he said he wants to be my friend...he doesn't want me out of his life and that letting go of me has been so hard for him to do... I asked him if he still had hope for us, and he said "No, honestly I don't...I don't see anything happening with us...too much drama, and too much has happend in the 5 months we have been together." I agreed with him and told him that I just need to back off, and he says the same thing..although, admited that if I just called him and "wanted" him he would never say no. He couldn't. Yet, he wonders once he gets into another relationship, he knows he will have to really let me go, because it isn't fair to me, or the other person...he can't call me when he needs to talk, and he can't call me to spend time with him...I typicial commitment phobe!!! So...with that said, I told it needs to be done. He needs to delete my number and never talk to me again...He admited that he can't do it...He can't let me go... When we were talking, told me there was a reason why he blocked me from Facebook. He gets angry when he see's other men talking to me, yet, knows it will happen... I know what I need to do. I need to tell him to take a hike. But find it hard to...why do men think it is okay to express their love and tell you how much they miss you, and want to be with you, yet don't want you to expect more? He even said he didn't want to "be" with me anymore because he doesn't want me to have any expectation of him. I told him expectations are out the door, and that I don't want anything from him anymore.... I want this cycle to stop...I need to walk away, and hate that he can suck me back in. I almost want to just use him for what he's worth...a good time in the sack, but I know how it all turns out. I've been there, done that...I have to stop this....he can't give me more, and to be honest, I don't know if I can give him anymore either.... No expectations....right? I wish it were that easy.....I am just tired of having this go on...I'm tired of missing him when I don't see him..and I'm tired of him telling me he wants to be in my life...No FWB here, because basically, that is what it is...although in my case it is EX's With Benifits....I dunno. I must have stupid written across my head....
Lishy Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 I am in such a similar situation, I just cannot let go of my ex who is no good for me! Why do we do this? I tell him not to call me, he agrees and then calls me telling me how much he loves me! He cheated on me and I will never forgive him and yet I feel so at peace when he calls me, like I need him in my life even though I know we will never be together! I dont know why
Author LadyV Posted May 6, 2009 Author Posted May 6, 2009 Thanks for your response...I am not sure why we do this. I have my own issues from the past that I am trying to work though, and now having to deal with this? Makes it that much worse. As of today, I have gone to NC, NO CONTACT whatsoever. I blocked his phone number via "Nuisance Caller" through my phone company. If he tries to call, he will get a message telling him I have restrictions on my phone. If he texts, they will send, but I won't get them. So far so good. It is good for 3 months...I figure that will be enough time..and if I have to, I will block him again. I even went as far as blocking through FB...He can't see my site. I also blocked his new "interest" So I can't go by and creep her site too... I have so much to focus on...I just graduated college, I am in search of a new job...I am a divorcee and I know the pains of loosing someone, although I can say my XH and I do get a long. Crazy how all of that works. We mainly get along because our our children...But they are my main focus. I want to be the best mom I can for them. Right now, I am away, because of a family emergency, and so I have a lot of down time to think. Once I am in my own element, and BUSY, I am sure things will get easier. You and I deserve so much more, we do. And I can totally relate to you feeling peace when he does call you. I think that just knowing that someone cares, is what is comforting...but reality sets in and I feel even worse then I do now....I'm tired of feeling like I need him in my life, because I don't. I was fine without him before he came into my life...the past 6 months have not been a cake walk....I refuse to be a doormat....I would rather go through NC, then having contact with him and feeling like I am settling because he's there...hang in there, I am trying to too..read the posts on this site, they really help me a lot.... Are you at the point now where you want to go to NO CONTACT? If he calls/text/emails, you have to be strong enough to ignore it. I am strong enough to a certain point....but obviously I am not because I had to go to the extreme of blocking him from all the ways he could possibly contact me. I'm doing it for ME, and my sanity and the fact that I just want to move on and not allow him to do this to me anymore.... It's hard I am sure, because you love him...as I love my XBF. Although he never cheated on me, I can only imagine what you are feeling...I can say I know, because I was in a marriage with a man who did the same thing and almost left our family for her. I should have let him...lol. Because looking back, he only stayed because of the kids, and our marriage never improved.... Hang in there, I am trying. I'm putting my focus elsewhere...trying to just get through this. So far it has been 3 days no contact..YAY...again, the only way it will get initiated is if I were the one to do it....and I have no plans of opening up that cycle once again because I will end up back at square 1...
Lishy Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 I am doing NC now. I have told him not to call me again and if he does I will not answer. The thing with him is that he gets persistant and keeps calling so IF he does that I will call his new girlfriend and ask her to ask her boyfriend to stop calling me! That will do it! I dont want him back and would never take a cheat back ever, I would go crazy and not trust him an inch and would not put myself through that I am going to try to just get him out of my head now and move on. Either stay single or meet someone who will treat me right! His loss!
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